what to say and not to say to someone grieving
in [Grief]
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From: NotYet1121 on 30 Jul 2008 09:00 On Jul 28, 6:43 pm, "Daisy" <sweetdaisy67...(a)yahoo.com> wrote: > http://davidkessler.org/helpful-tips/the-10-best-and-worst-things-to-... > > The Worse Things to say someone in Grief > 1.. At least she lived a long life, many people die young > 2.. He is in a better place > 3.. She brought this on herself > 4.. There is a reason for everything > 5.. Aren't you over him yet, he has been dead for a while now > 6.. You can have another child still > 7.. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him > 8.. I know how you feel > 9.. She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go > 10.. Be strong > > The Best Things to say to someone in Grief > 1.. I am so sorry for your loss. > 2.. I wish I had the right words, just know I care. > 3.. I don't know how you feel, but I am here If can help in anyway. > 4.. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers. > 5.. My favorite memory of your loved one is. > 6.. I am always just a phone call away > 7.. Give a hug instead of saying something > 8.. We all need help at times like this, I am here for you > 9.. I am usually up early or late, if you need anything > 10.. Saying nothing, just be with the person > > -- > Daisy Daisy and All: I would also like to add to the list of what NOT to say: 1. Get over it. 2. Quit living in the past. 3. He's DEAD! Deal with it. 4. What's wrong with you? Are you going to lay down and die too? Move on! Things to say: 1. Say the person's name. We so long to hear the name of our loved one. 2. Listen to the stories about the loved one and encourage those stories. We don't want our loved one to ever be forgotten and we so fear they will be when no one says their name anymore. 3. Accept that this person is grieving and the pain they feel is real. Accept you will not be able to have magic words to erase their pain. Listening and being there is truly the most loving thing you can do for them. Let them talk, Let them cry, Let them share memories. 4. Remember that Holidays and Memorial Anniversary's will be extra hard times, try to make sure you are there for your friend or family member that is grieving. Understand it will not just be the first year, but many years that follow. Josh's Mom
From: Daisy on 30 Jul 2008 10:09 Very good ones too...thanks for sharing those. -- Daisy "NotYet1121" <NotYet1121(a)gmail.com> wrote in message news:10cb997b-99d7-423d-b22c-687cf1cdce9c(a)i76g2000hsf.googlegroups.com... > On Jul 28, 6:43 pm, "Daisy" <sweetdaisy67...(a)yahoo.com> wrote: >> http://davidkessler.org/helpful-tips/the-10-best-and-worst-things-to-... >> >> The Worse Things to say someone in Grief >> 1.. At least she lived a long life, many people die young >> 2.. He is in a better place >> 3.. She brought this on herself >> 4.. There is a reason for everything >> 5.. Aren't you over him yet, he has been dead for a while now >> 6.. You can have another child still >> 7.. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him >> 8.. I know how you feel >> 9.. She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go >> 10.. Be strong >> >> The Best Things to say to someone in Grief >> 1.. I am so sorry for your loss. >> 2.. I wish I had the right words, just know I care. >> 3.. I don't know how you feel, but I am here If can help in anyway. >> 4.. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers. >> 5.. My favorite memory of your loved one is. >> 6.. I am always just a phone call away >> 7.. Give a hug instead of saying something >> 8.. We all need help at times like this, I am here for you >> 9.. I am usually up early or late, if you need anything >> 10.. Saying nothing, just be with the person >> >> -- >> Daisy > > Daisy and All: > > I would also like to add to the list of what NOT to say: > > 1. Get over it. > 2. Quit living in the past. > 3. He's DEAD! Deal with it. > 4. What's wrong with you? Are you going to lay down and die too? Move > on! > > Things to say: > 1. Say the person's name. We so long to hear the name of our loved > one. > 2. Listen to the stories about the loved one and encourage those > stories. We don't want our loved one to ever be forgotten and we so > fear they will be when no one says their name anymore. > 3. Accept that this person is grieving and the pain they feel is real. > Accept you will not be able to have magic words to erase their pain. > Listening and being there is truly the most loving thing you can do > for them. Let them talk, Let them cry, Let them share memories. > 4. Remember that Holidays and Memorial Anniversary's will be extra > hard times, try to make sure you are there for your friend or family > member that is grieving. Understand it will not just be the first > year, but many years that follow. > > > Josh's Mom
From: MelMenzies on 31 Jul 2008 05:29 On Jul 29, 12:43 am, "Daisy" <sweetdaisy67...(a)yahoo.com> wrote: > http://davidkessler.org/helpful-tips/the-10-best-and-worst-things-to-... > > The Worse Things to say someone in Grief > 1.. At least she lived a long life, many people die young > 2.. He is in a better place > 3.. She brought this on herself > 4.. There is a reason for everything > 5.. Aren't you over him yet, he has been dead for a while now > 6.. You can have another child still > 7.. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him > 8.. I know how you feel > 9.. She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go > 10.. Be strong > > The Best Things to say to someone in Grief > 1.. I am so sorry for your loss. > 2.. I wish I had the right words, just know I care. > 3.. I don't know how you feel, but I am here If can help in anyway. > 4.. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers. > 5.. My favorite memory of your loved one is. > 6.. I am always just a phone call away > 7.. Give a hug instead of saying something > 8.. We all need help at times like this, I am here for you > 9.. I am usually up early or late, if you need anything > 10.. Saying nothing, just be with the person > > -- > Daisy Dear Daisy and All, I do so agree with the lists you've made. Especially about the hug. I remember reading a book years ago about when Catherine Marshall lost her husband (he was chaplain to the US Senate) and she said how unhelpful if not downright hurtful it was when people gave her trite verses to 'help' her when all she wanted was human contact. My best friend was lovely with me. One of the characters in my book, A Painful Post Mortem, is based on her. Love to all, Mel
From: nospam-noforwards on 10 Aug 2008 20:16 Top worst thing to say to someone who is grieving: "I lost someone too and that loss to me is worse than your loss is to you (fill in your own reason)"
From: nospam-noforwards on 10 Aug 2008 20:32 Not everyone likes hugs.... hug only if you know the person is comortable with them... after all.... some people aren't huggers and such forced contact can be very unsettling... everyone is different. A hug for some can be as trite as some verse.... where for someone to whom words are important... a "personal" poem, letter, or verse can make all the difference. Know who you are dealing with!!!!!
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