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From: pretending2Bbrave on 18 Sep 2008 02:39
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and suggestions. I am still working
through the combined list. As suggested, I have picked a distinct
handle and will continue to post my thoughts and experiences.

Today I saw my general practitioner for the first time in 4 years. He
did a quick examination, ordered some blood and urine tests, asked me
some questions and allowed me to talk up a storm and then he told me he
had to kick me out of his office. I was walking 6 feet off the ground
which was way, way too high spirited considering I have a serious
disease. I returned to work and apologized to my boss and co-workers
for being so high spirited and reassured them I was way out of line, but
I guess seeing my doctor whom I trusted after 4 years just helped me to
put aside my fears. He said I could play all the basketball I want.
I went to the lab after work to get the tests my doctor ordered done and
I was still way too high spirited, making jokes and having too good a
time. Then I went and had my first meal in a week consisting of
Japanese food. Reality quickly set in. I had some trouble swallowing
and the food didn't taste right. I was a little tired, too. But I
tried hard to push aside reality and kept my spirits high. Reality
set in again when I walked home from the bus stop. I was tired. It
was only 7:30. I was asleep in no time. Now awake at 11:00 pm I have
returned to normal reality. The haematologist staff have ordered me
to have my bone marrow biopsy 8:00 Friday morning. A well meaning
co-worker tried to stab me with reality by saying I wouldn't be back to
work after the bone marrow biopsy and it would an extremely painful
test. My reply was, I understood it was like a stake through the heart
and would hurt like hell, but if I couldn't deal with the testing, I
would be in no condition to deal with the treatment. My doctor tried
to downplay the seriousness of my disease and how a little treatment
would go a long ways. Being tired sort of dilutes my belief of how
powerful any medication or treatment could be. I have to be, and I am,
grateful I have made it to 59 without having to take any serious
medications or medical treatment.

humbly yours,
pretending2Bbrave


























Today I saw my general practioner for the first time in 4 years. He did
a quick examination, ordered some blood and urine tests, asked me some
questions and allowed me to talk up a storm and then he told me he had
to kick me out of his office. I was walking 6 feet off the ground
which was way, way too high spirited considering I have a serious
disease. I returned to work and apologized to my boss and coworkers for
being so high spirited and reassured them I was way out of line, but I
guess seeing my doctor whom I trusted after 4 years just helped me to
put aside my fears. He said I could play all the basketball I want.
I went to the lab after work to get the tests my doctor ordered done and
I was still way too high spirited, making jokes and having too good a
time. Then I went and had my first meal in a week consisting of
Japanese food. Reality quickly set in. I had some trouble swollowing
and the food didn't taste right. I was a little tired, too. But I
tried hard to push aside reality and kept my spirits high. Reality
set in again when I walked home from the bus stop. I was tired. It
was only 7:30. I was asleep in no time. Now awake at 11:00 pm I have
returned to normal reality. The hematologist staff have ordered me to
have my bone marrow biopsy 8:00 Friday morning. A well meaning
coworker tried to stab me with reality by saying I wouldn't be back to
work after the bone marrow biopsy and it would an extremely painful
test. My reply was, I understood it was like a stake through the heart
and would hurt like hell, but if I couldn't deal with the testing, I
would be in no condition to deal with the treatment. My doctor tried
to downplay the seriousness of my disease and how a little treatment
would go a long ways. Being tired sort of delutes my belief of how
powerful any medication or treatment could be. I have to be, and I am,
grateful I have made it to 59 without having to take any serious
medications or medical treatment.

pretending2Bbrave
From: samgr8times on 18 Sep 2008 07:46
On Sep 18, 11:39 am, pretending2Bbrave <anonym...(a)anonymous.com>
wrote:
> Thanks everyone for your thoughts and suggestions.  I am still working
> through the combined list. > powerful any medication or treatment could be. I have to be, and I am,
> grateful I have made it to 59 without having to take any serious
> medications or medical treatment.    
>
> pretending2Bbrave


Hi there,
This support group is fantastic........right place to vent all upsets/
frustatrations.........

I was infected with cancer of the nasopharynx (Nose area), diagnosed
in March 08.....aged 44......I went through 2 chemo cycles of 5 days
each followed by 39 daily sessions of Radiation treatment....during
the radiation treatment, I was given weekly one dose of Chemo for 6
weeks...my treatment completed on 3rd July08.

I would strongly suggest the following (and please be assured that I
have personally followed these):that you give yourself and your health/
welfare top priority....unfortunately cancer of any kind is a tough
infection and requires diligent strong will to recover.......and
recover why not?? All the pain and trouble is a passing phase. I had
never seen a doctor for at least 25 years of my life and last six
months these are the people who pulled me out of the mess....
Before i started my treatment, I had also become absolutely
negative.....I had even counted how many days my eight year old
daughter had spent with me (I am a Captain sailing on Oil tankers and
away 3-6 months a year)......as my 1st chemo started i saw my own
stupidity and welcomed all the pain realising fully well that the pain
MEANT that the treatment is becomming successful.........I believe we
human beings have all got a fantastic constitution- in spite of so
much abuse also, it remains sturdy.
So, lets live....glorify life and living.......59 is tooooooo young!!!
All the best and may you smash through all the hurdles(minor as they
are!)....
After fear comes courage.....please stop pretending 2 be brave!! Be
brave!! You can and will do it!

Optimistic Sam S.
From: csm7532 on 18 Sep 2008 09:30
On Sep 18, 5:46 am, samgr8ti...(a)gmail.com wrote:
> On Sep 18, 11:39 am, pretending2Bbrave <anonym...(a)anonymous.com>
> wrote:
>
> > Thanks everyone for your thoughts and suggestions.  I am still working
> > through the combined list. > powerful any medication or treatment could be. I have to be, and I am,
> > grateful I have made it to 59 without having to take any serious
> > medications or medical treatment.    
>
> > pretending2Bbrave
>
> Hi there,
> This support group is fantastic........right place to vent all upsets/
> frustatrations.........
>
> I was infected with cancer of the nasopharynx (Nose area), diagnosed
> in March 08.....aged 44......I went through 2 chemo cycles of 5 days
> each followed by 39 daily sessions of Radiation treatment....during
> the radiation treatment, I was given weekly one dose of Chemo for 6
> weeks...my treatment completed on 3rd July08.
>
> I would strongly suggest the following (and please be assured that I
> have personally followed these):that you give yourself and your health/
> welfare top priority....unfortunately cancer of any kind is a tough
> infection and requires diligent strong will to recover.......and
> recover why not?? All the pain and trouble is a passing phase. I had
> never seen a doctor for at least 25 years of my life and last six
> months these are the people who pulled me out of the mess....
> Before i started my treatment, I had also become absolutely
> negative.....I had even counted how many days my eight year old
> daughter had spent with me (I am a Captain sailing on Oil tankers and
> away 3-6 months a year)......as my 1st chemo started i saw my own
> stupidity and welcomed all the pain realising fully well that the pain
> MEANT that the treatment is becomming successful.........I believe we
> human beings have all got a fantastic constitution- in spite of so
> much abuse also, it remains sturdy.
> So, lets live....glorify life and living.......59 is tooooooo young!!!
> All the best and may you smash through all the hurdles(minor as they
> are!)....
> After fear comes courage.....please stop pretending 2 be brave!! Be
> brave!! You can and will do it!
>
> Optimistic Sam S.

pretending2Bbrave, this "journey" as some call it will have its ups
and downs, so enjoy the ups (no apologies needed) and push through the
downs. After 1.5 years from the end of treatment, I can no longer
really remember the worst pain, though I still get occasional flashes
of the nausea. These days, it's all about moving on with my life, and
recovering the condition I had before dx. At the end of treatment,
the Rocky Mountain Cancer Center gives the patient a coffee mug
emblazoned with "Cancer: I Confronted, I Conquered. On With Life", or
something to that effect. It may help to count the treatments,
especially after the first few, so you can say "x behind me, only y to
go". That last one is cathartic. Sam is right; 59 is too young for
this mess. One time at the Center, I was talking to an older couple
about how upsetting it is to see really young people with cancer, and
suggested there should be a minimum age to allow entry to the "club".
The wife said something like "And what should that age be? Careful
now!" There is no good age for cancer, but surely it should wait for
triple digits at least. Oh well, the cards are dealt, no point in
folding now.

---
CSM
p.s. something is going on with your newsreader. Your earlier post
went out multiple times, and this one had the same content twice in a
row. It's not important, but "this roman meal bakery thought you'd
like to know."
From: Old Bill on 18 Sep 2008 13:52

"pretending2Bbrave" <anonymous(a)anonymous.com> wrote in message
news:48D1F69A.B13EBF44(a)anonymous.com...



The haematologist staff have ordered me
| to have my bone marrow biopsy 8:00 Friday morning. A well meaning
| co-worker tried to stab me with reality by saying I wouldn't be back to
| work after the bone marrow biopsy and it would an extremely painful
| test. My reply was, I understood it was like a stake through the heart
| and would hurt like hell, but if I couldn't deal with the testing, I
| would be in no condition to deal with the treatment. | humbly yours,
| pretending2Bbrave
|
| pretending2Bbrave



It may not be as bad as you fear,p2Bb.It is painful for some but
not for others. As a safeguard I suggest you take someone with you.
You will receive a local anaesthethic, and when it has taken he will
go in with a much stouter syringe and needle.He has to push hard
to get through your bone,usually your hip bone at the back although
sometimes it is the sternum,then he withdraws a sample of bone marrow.
This is generally repeated to take a second sample.Whichever gives the
higher reading is the one he uses.
I had two and never felt a thing except almost being pushed off the bed.
I hope it will be the same for you.
best wishes,
Old Bill.


From: pretending2Bbrave on 18 Sep 2008 23:16
Old Bill wrote:
> This is generally repeated to take a second sample.Whichever gives the
> higher reading is the one he uses.
> I had two and never felt a thing except almost being pushed off the bed.

Thanks, Old Bill. Didn't know they would do a second sample but it make
sense. As far as I know they are doing a spinal tap/sample as well.

I meant my handle "pretending2Bbrave" as adding humour but do you think
it is perhaps a disrespectful handle and it should be changed to
something more modest. I don't want to create a wrong image.
I take this journey very seriously.
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