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From: Kathleen on 3 Nov 2006 06:50
I wrote:
>OK, I know I ramble quite a bit, so let me just
>repeat the message.
> I do not expect that I should have
>custody just because I gave birth. Your
>situations seem quite a bit different in that
>both are married and stable.


Both who? My step-daughter's mother and father? Wrong!
Her mother is not married and is certainly not stable!


> I want to have managing conservativeship
>(or whatever), because I believe my home is more
>stable for her. I have a healthy, loving, and
>supportive relationship with my husband which
>I think will give her a much more stable home
>life than the one she experiences presently.
>That is not to say that he beats her or mistreats
>her, but I am 100% committed to her and he is not.
>He is not family oriented. Plain and simple.
>I think she would be better off growing up with
>a family.


Maybe, maybe not! (Family part) I hear you saying that if
my husband and I do not have a family we are not the better
household. Or a single parent is less stable than a married
one, with a family. I realize you must have your reasons
for believing you have a more stable environment, and you
may well be correct, I have no reason to doubt this.


> Is my though process warped?? Because I think
>I sould have her more than 4 days a month?? Please
>respond and tell me why I should give in at 4 days a month.
>Please tell me why you think I am so unimprtant to her
>that 4 days a month is plenty. We live 3 miles apart,
>for God's sake!!!! Is that not close enough to share
>a little more equally??


Here's where we get to it! No, I don't think you're
thinking is warped, I believe you should get her more than
just 4 days a month. I am a proponent for joint custody.
But you weren't talking about joint custody. You stated you
want SOLE custody - a much different thing. You're not
looking for 50% of the time you're looking for 100% of the
time.


> And is it too much for the judge to ask him
>to schedule his girfriend's weekends at the times
>when Kayla is not around? Is that unreasonable?
>I do not mind Kayla spending time with his girlfriend,
>it is the fact of them sleeping together that bothers
>me. If he was serious about this woman it would not
>bother me, but he goes out with others,too. Is it
>necessary to expose a 6 year old to promiscuous
>relationships?
> How did y'all get the idea that all I did
>was give birth? I also fed, clothed and took


Whoa! You're mixing up my messages. My statement was not
directed to you. In fact, it was directed to my husband's
ex-wife! (even thought she's not on here :) )



- Hide quoted text -
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>care of her for the first 3 years of life.
>I paid the sitter, I paid the rent, I paid all the
>bills while he did what he wanted to and pretended
>that I was just a roommate. I took her to and from the
>sitters. I bought the birthday, Christmas, clothes,
>food, diapers. In the 2 years she was not with me,
>I wrote regularly. I called. I sent so many presents
>at birthdays and Christmas that he didn't have to spend.
> Am I crazy? for some reason I thought yall
>would understand. The courts decision was temporary,
>and made after 1 hour of listening to the bare facts.
> Do you really think I should just quietly
>relegate myself to 4 days a month? Let me tell you,
>if I had been given temporary custody, he would be able
>to see her a hell of a lot more than 4 days a month,
>because I am not trying to get revenge on him for
>anything, only a little more credit and yes, I'm sorry
>but I do believe my daughter needs me, because I love
>her, because we do a lot of special things together,
>because I consider her important enough to schedule
>my nights out when she is not her rather than take
>her to a sitter.


My point about giving birth making you a mother (not you
personally!) is that not all mothers do the things you state
above. My step-daughter's mother doesn't schedule her
outings on the nights she doesn't have her - she does leave
her with baby sitters and then bitches that she doesn't see
her enough and my husband should only get her one weekend a
month!

Children need BOTH their parents!



> I just can't believe you are asking me why.I am
>mentally unstable like some of your NCP parents, I am
>not on drugs, I have been sober for 1 1/2 years. I am a
>mother, and I love my daughter, and I believe that a
>much better arrangement could be worked out.
> Kathleen


And I believe you are right! But again, my question to you
was why you think you should have SOLE custody? I
understand your reasons as you listed them above. But do
you think you have the right to dictate how someone else
lives their life? Now, before you start flaming me for that
statement realize that my husband and I are in this same
boat.

My step-daughter's mother provides an unstable environment
for her. Has her boyfriend and his son over on weekends,
sometimes when Laura's there, sometimes not. Laura says and
does whatever she wants, goes to bed when she wants, watches
whatever she wants on TV, etc. Her mother claims Laura's
problems stem from an unstable environment, and that it is
because she goes from one house to the other. Yet the only
discipline Laura receives is in our house, the only place
she has any rules is here. She's been tossed out of
kindergarten because of her behavior. The school pointed
the finger directly at her mother! as the problem. We've
been to counseling, her mother has been told she is a major
part of Laura's problem. Her mother refuses to get
counseling for herself, and believes everyone but her is
wrong. She is the perfect mother.


Yet, you know what would happen if we tried for a change of
custody based on Laura's problems as a result of her
mother's environment? We'd lose altogether! They'd place
her with her mother - I have no doubt in my mind about that!


And you know why - because she is the mother and hey,
everyone knows mothers can do no wrong!


Kathleen, I am aware your situation may be very different.
My only concern was why you want sole custody, rather than
joint custody. In your original message you did not
indicate that your ex-husband was not capable of being a
father to your (both of your) daughter. And I don't think
you've said that yet, just that you believe you ar
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