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From: anthony140 on 11 Nov 2007 20:52
well its beeni 2 years know ive been , with this family of three , the kids
real dad , and then thier step dad , just left them on thier own with no
father figure , i came into picture when the son at 16
set us up , ive been thier for the last two years and i have no kids of my
own because of medical reasons , the son has many problems from past ,
but what has me worried is he got some bad stuff , i aways to him to talk
to me instead of holding it in but he dont talk to me .
but yet he can tell other of problem ,. im thier for him 24/7 and love
him as ny own son ,

my ? is what am i doing wroung , and why dont he trust me to talk , and
feed back

From: Banty on 12 Nov 2007 12:15
In article <7b148f34418a4(a)uwe>, anthony140 says...
>
>well its beeni 2 years know ive been , with this family of three , the kids
>real dad , and then thier step dad , just left them on thier own with no
>father figure , i came into picture when the son at 16
>set us up , ive been thier for the last two years and i have no kids of my
>own because of medical reasons , the son has many problems from past ,
>but what has me worried is he got some bad stuff , i aways to him to talk
>to me instead of holding it in but he dont talk to me .
> but yet he can tell other of problem ,. im thier for him 24/7 and love
>him as ny own son ,
>
> my ? is what am i doing wroung , and why dont he trust me to talk , and
>feed back
>

First of all, he's 16. Second of all, he's a boy. Third of all you're 'only'
been there for two years. (The 'only' in quotes only because of what two years'
living with him is from the POV of what he has been through, *not* to minimize
the good two years of time you've spent right there.)

Sixteen is a reticent age to begin with (I have a fifteen year old boy), and
boys (by and large) aren't so verbal and don't work through emotions by talking
the way girls (by and large) do. So there's a pretty good likelihood you'd have
at least some of this problem even if you were in an intact family and you were
his bio-dad!

Not to give up, though. Just not to take it personally.

The best thing to do is to find some common interest, and do that together.
Just you two. It's when doing unreleated things side-by-side that boys and men
tend to speak up about stuff like that. Even if he doesn't open up much, you'd
be a winner just doing things together.

Cheers,
Banty

From: anthony140 via FamilyKB.com on 12 Nov 2007 22:05
thanks for the input , i know iam taking it personal , but i seen a lot of
hurt from his dad and others
and we do have things in commone , first i my self been in the volunteer
fire serviceas for 20 years +
and director of emergency operations , and fire cheif ,he is really into
fire fighting, but the hard stuff he s into
can hurt him and other s real bad , i also took the step son on a trip
with me to out state for a week
and , i enjoyed having him , as a son and friend , and it was realated to
fire service , we went to the factory that was building our new truck , the i
also took him and another young fire member with us the second time he had
some his age to do things with , i been confused of some of his bad
judgement , i know he need to learn from mistakes , but i dont want anything
bad to happen to him.

Banty wrote:
>>well its beeni 2 years know ive been , with this family of three , the kids
>>real dad , and then thier step dad , just left them on thier own with no
>[quoted text clipped - 8 lines]
>> my ? is what am i doing wroung , and why dont he trust me to talk , and
>>feed back
>
>First of all, he's 16. Second of all, he's a boy. Third of all you're 'only'
>been there for two years. (The 'only' in quotes only because of what two years'
>living with him is from the POV of what he has been through, *not* to minimize
>the good two years of time you've spent right there.)
>
>Sixteen is a reticent age to begin with (I have a fifteen year old boy), and
>boys (by and large) aren't so verbal and don't work through emotions by talking
>the way girls (by and large) do. So there's a pretty good likelihood you'd have
>at least some of this problem even if you were in an intact family and you were
>his bio-dad!
>
>Not to give up, though. Just not to take it personally.
>
>The best thing to do is to find some common interest, and do that together.
>Just you two. It's when doing unreleated things side-by-side that boys and men
>tend to speak up about stuff like that. Even if he doesn't open up much, you'd
>be a winner just doing things together.
>
>Cheers,
>Banty

--
Message posted via FamilyKB.com
http://www.familykb.com/Uwe/Forums.aspx/step-parents/200711/1

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