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From: This Is Ab0ut on 10 Dec 2007 23:49
I think about my son every day. The only thing I have of him is the
suicide note he wrote,A police report saying where they found his body,
A death certificate from the funeral home & a autopsy report plus 2
funeral photos & I carry all that in a pouch around my neck. My other
sons took it hard. I'm pissed off because they were going to go on the
word of a man that killed his own wife & son & admitted to killing this
old woman before his wife & son. Homicide detectives were putting in my
son's head about conspiracy to murder & unless you're a harden crinimal
you get scared & my son was. Last few days were hell for him. I been
lurking in suicide groups ever sense he died. Don't know why because I'm
not suicidal

From: This Is Ab0ut on 11 Dec 2007 09:25
I have my son's name on a suicide wall. Forgot the name of it. So many
people lost someone via suicide. Whether it was a family member or
family member it all hurts for the people left behind. I think back &
yes my son was depressed. He had no life. He was a baptized Jehovah
witness for years. He believed so much in that relegion. Didn't go door
to door bt went to meetings. Walked in the freezing cold. They knew he
had to walk but didn't care. He finally because of all their bullshit
stop going to those meetings. What happen to him when the homicide
detectives told him that they're going to talk to the actual murder to
see what he has to say drove my son to kill himself. He kept going back
to the police department to talk to them. They didn't care they thought
it was fun because they knew my family back in the 60's & further down.
I had one son that always got in trouble but it had nothing to do with
the one who died. I picture how scared he had to be to feel he had no
choice but to put that rope around his neck with out any padding. Just a
skinny clothesline rope. No drugs, no booze & once it was done no one to
help him out before he blacked out. Thank you for offering me to write
to you. I just might do that

From: Josh's Mom on 11 Dec 2007 18:51
On Dec 11, 8:25 am, mE-n-my-FAM...(a)webtv.net (This Is Ab0ut) wrote:
> I have my son's name on a suicide wall. Forgot the name of it. So many
> people lost someone via suicide. Whether it was a family member or
> family member it all hurts for the people left behind. I think back &
> yes my son was depressed. He had no life. He was a baptized Jehovah
> witness for years. He believed so much in that relegion. Didn't go door
> to door bt went to meetings. Walked in the freezing cold. They knew he
> had to walk but didn't care. He finally because of all their bullshit
> stop going to those meetings. What happen to him when the homicide
> detectives told him that they're going to talk to the actual murder to
> see what he has to say drove my son to kill himself. He kept going back
> to the police department to talk to them. They didn't care they thought
> it was fun because they knew my family back in the 60's & further down.
> I had one son that always got in trouble but it had nothing to do with
> the one who died. I picture how scared he had to be to feel he had no
> choice but to put that rope around his neck with out any padding. Just a
> skinny clothesline rope. No drugs, no booze & once it was done no one to
> help him out before he blacked out. Thank you for offering me to write
> to you. I just might do that

Please do write to me. We all need to be there for each other. It
hurts forever when we lose our child to suicide, no matter how old
they are. Suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem. It's
so very sad. The people who are left behind that love them, have a
life sentence to pain. Grief is a journey that never ends. This is
true no matter how they died or who they were. They were loved by us.

This time of year - the holidays - only intensifies it. Now is suppose
to be the time we get to spend more time with our families. When we
see and think even more about "that empty chair". As a parent, our
children are always on our minds and in our hearts. It just seems to
magnify our lose this time of year. It sounds like we lost our sons
about the same time of year in 2005.

I too, read the suicide web site's. I guess I went there for two
reasons, 1. to see if my son had ever been there and to try to
understand more what people in that pain were feeling. 2. To see, if
possible I could help someone, in ways I wasn't able to help my own
son.

Seriously you should think about joining thousands of parents, Moms
and Dads, who lost there children to suicide. POS - Parents of
Suicide. So many stories, but it's good to share and to know that the
pain we are going through, is normal and shared. Here's my hand, I am
here for you.

Josh's Mom
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