conversation with a friend
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From: Xorra on 7 Sep 2008 02:55 I have a friend that I have talked about enough on here, that I think it's time he got a name, and so I will call him Hassan. Hassan and I were talking this morning, as we do most mornings, and I asked his opinion on whether or not a friendship could last longterm if one person was way more invested than the other. I was surprised actually, at how...almost agitated he was with the question. And during the conversation he said some things which left me speechless. I think he thought I was hurt, but what I was actually, was stunned. It started me thinking and thinking and coming to the conclusion that perhaps depression really is just a choice we make. And that I could just choose not to be. What do you think? Xorra
From: Erin on 7 Sep 2008 07:10 Xorra wrote: > I have a friend that I have talked about enough on here, that I think it's > time he got a name, and so I will call him Hassan. > > Hassan and I were talking this morning, as we do most mornings, and I asked > his opinion on whether or not a friendship could last longterm if one person > was way more invested than the other. I was surprised actually, at > how...almost agitated he was with the question. And during the conversation > he said some things which left me speechless. I think he thought I was > hurt, but what I was actually, was stunned. It started me thinking and > thinking and coming to the conclusion that perhaps depression really is just > a choice we make. And that I could just choose not to be. > > What do you think? > > Xorra Good luck with choosing not to be. If it works, you don't have clinical depression. Strokes bring on depression, and post-partum-- but what may be situational depression may help with a counsellor or friend. Erin
From: Sarah Lister on 7 Sep 2008 11:23 On Sep 7, 2:55 am, "Xorra" <zor...(a)comcast.net> wrote: > I have a friend that I have talked about enough on here, that I think it's > time he got a name, and so I will call him Hassan. > > Hassan and I were talking this morning, as we do most mornings, and I asked > his opinion on whether or not a friendship could last longterm if one person > was way more invested than the other. I was surprised actually, at > how...almost agitated he was with the question. And during the conversation > he said some things which left me speechless. I think he thought I was > hurt, but what I was actually, was stunned. It started me thinking and > thinking and coming to the conclusion that perhaps depression really is just > a choice we make. And that I could just choose not to be. > > What do you think? > > Xorra I think it - sort of is and sort of isn't. I know that sometimes when I'm angry with my husband, I can sort of see how I could, well, not be - I can picture and even empathize with a way of approaching things in which I would not be angry over this particular thing. I can even get there for a little while sometimes. However, the grooves in my personality that make those particular things hard for me are really deep, and it's hard to keep myself out of them consistently. I suspect depression is somewhat the same. I think it'd be hard to spontaneously choose not to be depressed, one choice, one time, and have it stick, but if you can find a way to make that choice consistently you can make a difference to how you feel. I think CBT works on that principle. Sarah
From: Vickie on 7 Sep 2008 11:43 "Xorra" <zorra2(a)comcast.net> wrote in message news:9tudndytlYBF517VnZ2dnUVZ_qrinZ2d(a)comcast.com... >I have a friend that I have talked about enough on here, that I think it's >time he got a name, and so I will call him Hassan. > > Hassan and I were talking this morning, as we do most mornings, and I > asked his opinion on whether or not a friendship could last longterm if > one person was way more invested than the other. I was surprised > actually, at how...almost agitated he was with the question. And during > the conversation he said some things which left me speechless. I think he > thought I was hurt, but what I was actually, was stunned. Well, it's a loaded question, yes? Depending on the context. Did you mention to him it was hypothetical or mention a different friend by name with whom you felt more invested than them? Otherwise Hassan was bound to think you were talking of him and yourself. And if you were.....well, you might not want to hear the answer he gives. Sounds like he got defensive. > It started me thinking and thinking and coming to the conclusion that > perhaps depression really is just a choice we make. And that I could just > choose not to be. Try it. See if you can just choose not to be depressed. I think feeling down for some can turn into a nasty habit. Sort of like being a martyr or a one up-er. There is no pill that can help a person who when you tell them you have a headache that they see that headache and raise you a decapitation. And you are sitting there, and it is abundantly clear that their head is very much firmly affixed to their body!!! :-) Dang! I wish there was a pill for them. But then for some, depression is a biological problem, and no amount of therapy or determination alone will help without meds. Together maybe, but not soley without. Anyway, my thoughts are that there is no "we" to depression. Everyone is different. But I would (and did with my panic) try my hardest to cope without meds and to see if I could just choose to be different. Unfortunately it did not work that way for me. Vickie
From: Emma Anne on 7 Sep 2008 12:54
Sarah Lister <aliaslister(a)yahoo.com> wrote: > I suspect depression is somewhat the same. I think it'd be hard to > spontaneously choose not to be depressed, one choice, one time, and > have it stick, but if you can find a way to make that choice > consistently you can make a difference to how you feel. I think CBT > works on that principle. CBT is great stuff, in that you are not reinforcing those grooves you talk about. However, in my experience it didn't cure my depression. Maybe made it more bearable - which maybe wasn't a good thing. My main regret with my depression was that I didn't get treated with medication a whole lot earlier. I think what a lot of people really don't fundamentally understand about depression is that it makes you miserable *and* it makes your brain work wrong. It isn't just your mood - you thinking is messed up too. So you are trying to cure yourself with the thing that is malfunctioning. CBT is trying to get your brain working enough better so your mood can catch up. But sometimes the mood stuff just doesn't cure itself. And CBT can only go so far in making your brain work better, too. Also, recent research seems to suggest that depression is actually doing long term damage to your brain. So now I feel it is better to turn to meds "too early" - i.e. when the mood stuff would have cured itself eventually - than too late. And finally - no person being an island, depression doesn't just harm the person who is suffering from it. Everyone else around her is suffering too. It's very catching. And it is very unpleasant to be around. Kids who are around it suffer developmental damage. So, you know, CBT, therapy, meditation, prayer - it's all good. But in the meantime, I hope people will also consider medication. They can always stop if they don't need it anymore after awhile. |