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From: Over The Ledge on 6 Aug 2008 05:46
It's 2 am and I can't sleep. I wish I could and not let any of this just sit
in my head and bother me, but it has that same stink on it that it had 1 1/2
years ago. It's been getting worse and worse the past couple of months
because I can't help but wonder what OSS21 and YSS20 are out doing when
they're not at home.
OSS was fingered in the past day or so in a burglary that happened a few
weeks ago and getting his girlfriend home was more important than dealing
with it with his dad and I. The people that were robbed are my S-I-L's
neighbors. They caught up with her when she got home asked her if she knew
so and so. She told them, yes, my nephew and they wanted SS's contact info
for the police. She didn't give it to him. If the police are looking for him
they know where they can find him. Supposedly one of the other persons
involved has the same first name as my YSS. OSS heard the name and the look
on his face worries me. He never said no he wasn't involved, or anything to
clear up his brother's involvement.
Guys, I know they are over 18, but one still lives in my house and we have
to have some rules otherwise what's the use?

From: Kathleen on 9 Aug 2008 07:08
Amanda,

I am so sorry that you are going through all this. When my teen got to a
place where she didn't care about how we felt, what we wanted, what we did
for her, under our roof - she had to leave. Surprisingly enough she got a
job, found a place and is doing just fine without my money, without my
nagging - without my constant input.

I hope this doesn't reek of self righteous sanctimonious... I just know
that before I was in recovery I could only see one solution. The problem
was all someone else - and it was. I just never could see myself as part of
the problem. I would suggest that you are, by now, part of the problem.
There has to be some limit to how much you will let these adults upset your
life this way. You continuing to "help" them may not be the most loving
thing to do. Have you considered that?

Most people, when faced with the possibility that they have helped create a
situation, get very defensive and angry. I know I did. But then there is
another set of people, who are really tired of being sick and tired - people
who are ready for some relief. There are a lot of options and "keep on
helping out, keep on footing the bill, regardless of degree of
irresponsibility" is one. There is another option, or thousands probably.
I'm thinking of a "help Amanda learn about some mental peace and health"
option.

My best friend is in your situation, and I have BEGGED her to get to some 12
step meetings to learn how other people deal with these issues in a
healthier way. Slowly her focus has gone from her kids to focusing on what
she can change - her own self and her own attitudes. And you would be
amazed at what has happened.

Good luck! When my sleep was starting to be affected it was time for me to
change some of my reactions - and this all is just what worked for me.
With hope and heart,
Kathleen



"Over The Ledge" <mmjohnson2008(a)att.net> wrote in message
news:qqemk.15839$cW3.10369(a)nlpi064.nbdc.sbc.com...
> It's 2 am and I can't sleep. I wish I could and not let any of this just
> sit in my head and bother me, but it has that same stink on it that it had
> 1 1/2 years ago. It's been getting worse and worse the past couple of
> months because I can't help but wonder what OSS21 and YSS20 are out doing
> when they're not at home.
> OSS was fingered in the past day or so in a burglary that happened a few
> weeks ago and getting his girlfriend home was more important than dealing
> with it with his dad and I. The people that were robbed are my S-I-L's
> neighbors. They caught up with her when she got home asked her if she
> knew so and so. She told them, yes, my nephew and they wanted SS's
> contact info for the police. She didn't give it to him. If the police are
> looking for him they know where they can find him. Supposedly one of the
> other persons involved has the same first name as my YSS. OSS heard the
> name and the look on his face worries me. He never said no he wasn't
> involved, or anything to clear up his brother's involvement.
> Guys, I know they are over 18, but one still lives in my house and we have
> to have some rules otherwise what's the use?

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