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From: Robert from Michigan on 1 Apr 2007 13:46

"Jennifer in Maryland" <JenPam2003(a)yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:CoCdnV6D__Jrz0PYnZ2dnUVZ_tSunZ2d(a)comcast.com...
> "Robert from Michigan" <email(a)domain.com> wrote in message
> news:5XpDh.441$8x.317(a)newssvr14.news.prodigy.net...
>
>> First off I am in a similar situation with my ex-wife (I am remarried and
>> have sole physical and legal custody of my children)
>>
>> My ex refuses to call stating she is "afraid my wife might answer the
> phone"
>>
>> News Flash My children ALSO have cell phones which they control (for
>> the
>> most part) AND MY EX WAS GIVEN THOSE NUMBERS!! She still does NOT call!!!
>
> Hi Robert--if this is the case, then it's a different situation than the
> other one where the BM doesn't have direct access to the kids. I'm
> confused
> as to why your ex would be afraid your wife would pick up if the kids have
> their own phones? Can you arrange a time when the kids can call their
> mom?

I have actually given up on that issue for good, my ex will call and talk to
me all the time, just not the children.
I have since shut off the kids cell phones (which they had for just over a
year) --never got used and only ran up a bill--

She just called me this morning again, and told me she would not be able to
see the kids today (her visitation day), that she had to work.
When I asked if she wanted to speak to the kids she simply told me she "had
to get going" as normal.
this woman just sees the children as a burden and nothing more. Its now
been over 9 months since she has seen them
(other than in Jan for about 5 minutes which I had to turn around and pick
them up when they refused to visit with her and took off on her - the
children called me about 20 minutes after I dropped them off for visitation
only to find out they ran to a friends house to call me to come get them
immediately after getting there.) she was upset that the children brought a
cell phone with a camera - which still puzzles me why she was worried about
that!! and she grabbed to youngest (12) and twisted his arm behind his back
in an attempt to "rip" it out of his hand. that visit ended with me calling
the police on her!
I have since told her that the children and I will meet her on neutral
ground as to avoid that again. But as it is going now I am guessing I dont
have to worry about a replay of that day as she has refused to see or
communicate with them.

>> I hate to say it but SO WHAT who picks up the phone first she needs to
> grow
>> up and just ask to speak with her children, she doesnt have to be best
>> friends but just be civil about the situation and talk to her children.
>
> Well, the "so what" is simply that if someone's purported goal is to keep
> the communication open, then it behooves that person to make communication
> as easy and painless as possible, that's all. I would never say that the
> OP
> should or shouldn't get another phone line, but if the goal is to keep the
> mom in touch with the kids, and the mom resents or is fearful of going
> through the ex and SM (not unreasonably IMO), then a sensible approach
> would
> be to get a cell phone or answering machine (machines are really cheap).
>
> Jenny

I believe part of all of this is that fact that my 2nd wife has close ties
to CPS (she is a volunteer for CPS and knows all the workers and my ex has a
long history of neglect and feels threatened by her own actions or
inactions) as well as the fact that I have immediate family working in the
state goverment and on the courts. We sent a CPS worker to my ex's house
due to deplorable living conditions during a past visitation in which we
felt were unhealthy. (old half eatten food all over, a lot of it looked
like it been rotten for at least a week and had "fuzz" growing on it.) I
simply asked the ex to please be sure the kids had a "safe" place for
visitation and that I would have it check "somehow" whether she approved or
not. (which she knows I can) I dont mean to be mean to her, I even offered
to get her help, she refused. (that was what actually caused the marriage
to her to end!) I try to cut my ex some slack knowing she has a mental
health issue, but I also am looking out of my children.

I have seen to many times that the NCP (mother or father) uses every excuse
under the sun to "avoid" contact and then blame it on everyone but
themselves!!
This sort of thing really gets me HOT because they are only out looking for
sympathy and nothing more.
Some people can not handle not being the center of attention in one way or
another.

I have a friend that has a son with his ex g/f and he complains that he
never gets to see his son, yet he never makes an attempt and will admit it!!
I tell him all the time to go to the courts and ask for a "specific
visitation schedule" and every time she misses it send a "letter" to the FOC
and document it. Then get a contempt hearing to get it corrected or a
reversal of custody!

The problem is not many people actually follow thru on things!


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