being my autistic self
in [Autism]
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From: The V person on 6 Oct 2005 02:12 "natureloverchris" wrote : > > SpiderHam77 wrote: >> There is no need to be in the closet. Simply come out and enjoy >> life. If you start to have an episode, then pull yourself away for a >> few min. I know it's hard to redirect on your own. But the more you >> educate other people around you about whats going on, the more you'll >> find that upon seeing you in a certain state, they will want to try and >> help. Chris wrote: > I'm getting such a mixed message from this post. "don't be in the > closet" but then you talk about pulling away if I have an episode. what > do you mean by episode? if stimming is an 'episode' it seems you do > want me to live in the closet. and late me restate, I do manage my > stims. I don't do loud stims in public. I don't do things I know are > distracting (like pacing, throwing things, etc) > > chris I guess I should have snipped a bit but Oh well... I was happily amused when I saw Vincent the other day doing a stim and it is a stim I have never seen him do before and it is one of my Stims,,,,, how strange in a way,,, but then I was also amused to find out in this last year that my younger brother "who is also named Vince" has the same stim as me... all these years and I didn't know that! :) Too cool! Runs in the Family I guess,,,,, About autistics when they get older and kids in general these days, well not alot has changed especially for the kids 11 and up,,, kids still get called stupid or retarded from other kids at school... As evidenced in just these few first weeks of school,, Vincent was called stupid by some girl in his math class and my daughter was called retarded by some girl in her English class... and we have gone through the ringer this month with counselors and a lot of lip service to the kids real concerns... new school ,, new kids and a little rougher atmosphere not only in kids attitudes but some teachers too,,,,, this is not a new phenomenon but one that takes place in many areas.... Anyway,, self advocating comes to mind that is learned by bits and pieces ,,,,, I took too many years to get a voice but now I have one V.
From: The V person on 6 Oct 2005 02:39 "Hylander" <john.gagon(a)gmail.com> wrote in message news:1128551610.945945.193760(a)g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com... > > natureloverchris wrote: > >> I think I've been scolded/questioned enough about 'isolating' myself >> that I don't let myself do it. I'm quite comfortable being alone much >> of the time but people seem to not like it. > > Other people don't seem to like being alone themselves or you being > alone? > >> earlier this month with the >> beginning of school I started remembering the earlier years of school. >> I knew I blocked it out. I'd tried in the past to remember with no >> success. This time I wasn't trying to remember and it came back. One of >> my memories is playing quite happily away from the other kids at the >> bus stop. I remember them noticing me alone and throwing things at me. >> I was a target. > > That happened to me too. I had very hard chunks of ice. (they squeezed > the snowballs very hard before throwing them. I had wind knocked out of > me. I also had a concussion because a kid actually threw a hammer at my > head and they had to watch me at night to make sure I didn't stop > breathing or get racoon eyes or showed other signs of injury (like > curled wrists and straight ankles) or other signs of "delirium". > (IIRC). I've also been pile driven before and that wasn't fun. Ive had similar experiences too :) hit over the head when I was three with a glass milk container,,,, been hit with a golf club by the girl down the street when I was about 8 I think,,,,, I got hit in the hall at jr. high school by a girl on my way to class "she hit me in the face,,, she thought I was "one of those smart kids who thought I was better than her and that was I guess a bulls eye in itself" thing is I wasn't even aware of any of what she was up to nor did I ever even talk to her as she wasn't in any of my classes" and my brother told me to smell his feet and I did and I was 16 at the time,,, but that was more funny than anything else cause I didn't think or question what he said.... :) V.
From: Jeremy Reece on 6 Oct 2005 07:50 Rowe Rickenbacker wrote: > I feel this so much, and I'm glad you put it into words for me, > because as silly as it sounds, there seem to be so many parts > of myself that I have problems with, and they're as simple as > this to describe, but I can never do it until someone else > comes up with the right words for me... > > So thankyou for that. Ditto, Chris :) > >> I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully let down those guards, > >> but slowly, bit by bit I'm learning to be more of my autistic self. > >> if I can take that person out of hiding, maybe I can finally learn > >> to like her > > That's what I aim for. I hope you achieve your goal :) The guards I have are unbeliveably strong. It's a real relationship killer, I've found :( The more a person tries to help me through them, the more forcefully I resist (subconciously, automatically, even though I tried not to). Emotional resistance, even physical resistance if I'm pushed far enough. I don't know how I'll ever get through it :/ > I've been trying a lot more to figure myself out lately, > and despite what appears to be quite a lot of confidence in > conversation, I think it's apparent from my constant inability > to commit to anything that I'm not a particularly confident > person. > > I can imagine Robin thinking that's a stupid reason to define > yourself as "under-confident", but I'll sneak around that by > saying it's not the only reason, but the best example I could > think of :) Sounds like a pretty good reason to me. Where is Robin, anyway? > Confidence is a scarecrow for bullies. Bloody non-literal phrases... Had to think that one through very carefully before I understood it :) You're right though. > > Jeremy (who has those automatic defenses and cover stories too) > > Sounds like the KGB :) It's a cold, bright day in April... (Name that game, you know you want to...) Jeremy
From: Rowe Rickenbacker on 6 Oct 2005 13:27 Terry Jones wrote: > Rowe Rickenbacker wrote: > >> I think that was what was holding me back too. Realising fear is >> such a good way of getting past it. Once you realise how it holds >> you back, you can let go of it and learn to be yourself. > > As long as it *is* genuinely fear that's holding you back - and not > simply assuming that, based on NT norms and expectations. Not exactly. I mean, there are all sorts of memes and folklore, but I spent the *majority* of my time observing and contemplating people when I was younger (not exactly sure about "now", because I can only say for sure what I was thinking in hindsight!) but there were two issues related to confidence that I had problems with: A) I had no real sense of worth amongst other people, because there were a lot of protocols and games that I misunderstood, so I ended up only hearing comments and criticism, and ignoring any the veiled positive stuff in them. For a huge portion of my life, my parents, teachers, and therapists were completely at a loss to explain what was going on with me, and so when they said they didn't *know* if something was good or bad, I took that to mean it was bad. B) Basically, I find it better to assume the worst scenario, and then use evidence to disprove the worst ones until it gets better, because erring on the side of caution is rarely a bad thing. But, of course, it does absolutely nothing for your confidence. C) Oh, and I didn't know how to appear confident when I was. > There are many other reasons for avoiding things It wasn't that I was *avoiding* things, but that I had a complete lack of expression and charisma while doing them. I had a very low sense of self-worth, and was very self-conscious. I'm still very self-conscious, but I have developed a delightful way of ignoring the voices that tell me what other people do/will think of me :) > That you don't actually get much worthwhile out of them, or that the > "costs" are usually too high, or that you've learned that however > hard you try you can't realistically cope with them. Oh definitely. And this was the biggest reason I always played up before/during PE sessions in primary school. Each time, I was told what behavior was expected of me, but I had low muscle tone that was causing me prompt and nasty discomfort so it was much more, well, *logical* for me to do something that would cause the teacher to "punish" me by taking me out of the lesson... because of course "all kids love to play games and run around". > None of these are the result of "fear" Ah... but Britons are especially vulnerable to something like this. We're afraid of humiliation. The tiniest flaw exposed about us is embarassment that taints us, and others will grind against it like sandpaper against the rough and fragmented areas of our lives until they are made smooth again. Some of this is merely perception, but anyone who is in a regular social envionment, unless very lucky, will know that there are more than enough people to "enforce" this way and perception of living. But it is, naturally at least, a way of maintaining heirarchy and exerting dominance. Learn to fence, and you can dance with your provocateur, so that they can fulfill their drive to force their way into acceptance, and you are not only unharmed, but also seen as having a position of respect and acceptance at the same time. Very few people dance to the same beat, and learning to adapt to that is one of the hardest things, but once you learn to respond to others in a way that is acceptable to them, you can communicate yourself and anything you need/want, and they will listen because a protocol has been developed. There will always be fools that just want to provoke or hurt, but ignore the aggressive ones, and smile and nod at the jokers, and they are impotent. That is my protocol for communicating with professionals and coworkers. > That's why I tend to be rather skeptical about diagnoses like "social > phobia" - It may be a genuine phobia in some cases, but (especially, > though not exclusively, with autistics), the alternative reasons > should be looked before deciding that it *must* be an exaggerated and > irrational avoidance. Mm, but that is "social phobia". A lack of confidence isn't social phobia in the same way having no license isn't a driving phobia. You can't be expected to dance this dance when you have two left feet, but sometimes it's possible to learn and sometimes it isn't. If it is possible to learn, a lack of interest shouldn't be seen as a *fear*, because in "acting" confident and "being" social - a lack of interest is often the biggest reason Aspies don't learn. For me, it's a perseveration, and an interest I can't put down, but I'll never assume someone *can* learn a skill, in the same way I'll never assume they're interested, or even *fear* the activity. Having said that, I'm not a good teacher. Tom -- Before taking my post seriously, please take into account that I was probably listening to Molotov when I wrote it.
From: Rowe Rickenbacker on 6 Oct 2005 14:23
Jeremy Reece wrote: >>>> I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully let down those >>>> guards, > > The guards I have are unbeliveably strong. It's a real relationship > killer, I've found :( Aye. My relationship history is a collection of Shakespeare plays, complete with comedy, trajedy, and the hero escaping a sticky situation by dressing up as a woman ;-) > The more a person tries to help me through them, the more forcefully > I resist (subconciously, automatically, even though I tried not to). > Emotional resistance, even physical resistance if I'm pushed far > enough. I don't know how I'll ever get through it :/ Yeah... I've felt like that more times than I can count. I've never got around it, and whenever I become overloaded the only place I don't shut people out is in here. I can't explain that, except this is my SH (to Chris) :) > Where is Robin, anyway? Well, he posted a couple of things yesterday, but I don't know where/what he's doing there :) >> Confidence is a scarecrow for bullies. > > Bloody non-literal phrases... Had to think that one through very > carefully before I understood it :) You're right though. I like throwing in non-literal one-liners, like a steak in the shark enclosure :) >>> Jeremy (who has those automatic defenses and cover stories too) >> >> Sounds like the KGB :) > > It's a cold, bright day in April... and the clocks were striking thirteen? :) Tom -- Before taking my post seriously, please take into account that I was probably listening to Molotov when I wrote it. |