a new guy and the panic
in [Panic]
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From: Rachel on 13 Feb 2007 08:46 Hi all, I'm new to the group and reaching out for some help/advice/people who can relate. I am 31 and recently began dating a guy who could very well be "the one" Well ,the implications of that have sent my panic disorder for a whirlwind. He lives about 30 minutes away from me in the middle of no where and when I went to his house for the first time, I stayed about 45 minutes and had to go. It sent me into such a panic state that I was physically sick for the rest of the night and for 3 days after. Of course the negative thoughts started, "do I really like him?", "Is this worth it?", "I should break up with him.", I felt awful because before that I was falling in love with him. The whole thing totally hurt his feelings. He thought I left because of him, he doesn't understand the panic and how or why it comes on. I don't fully get it myself sometimes so it's hard to explain. I tried to tell him it's because I like him so much and the new place and all of that. Since then things have been repaired but I am holding back now because of that experience and when, for the first time in our relationship, he was going to tell me he loved me, I told him not to. This stupid disorder is messing with my love life, making me doubt my decisions and holding me back from love. HELP!! -- ========== Please DELETE this text block when replying! ========== Contact the moderators at: asapm-board(a)stump.algebra.com The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm ========= This notice is added to each approved article ==========
From: kilikini on 13 Feb 2007 09:49 Rachel wrote: > Hi all, > > I'm new to the group and reaching out for some help/advice/people who > can relate. > > I am 31 and recently began dating a guy who could very well be "the > one" Well ,the implications of that have sent my panic disorder for a > whirlwind. He lives about 30 minutes away from me in the middle of no > where and when I went to his house for the first time, I stayed about > 45 minutes and had to go. It sent me into such a panic state that I > was physically sick for the rest of the night and for 3 days after. > Of course the negative thoughts started, "do I really like him?", "Is > this worth it?", "I should break up with him.", I felt awful because > before that I was falling in love with him. > > The whole thing totally hurt his feelings. He thought I left because > of him, he doesn't understand the panic and how or why it comes on. I > don't fully get it myself sometimes so it's hard to explain. I tried > to tell him it's because I like him so much and the new place and all > of that. Since then things have been repaired but I am holding back > now because of that experience and when, for the first time in our > relationship, he was going to tell me he loved me, I told him not to. > This stupid disorder is messing with my love life, making me doubt my > decisions and holding me back from love. > > HELP!! Welcome! Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but, if it makes you feel any better, I've been there too. My husband doesn't understand my anxiety/panic disorder, either, and probably never will because even I don't understand it. It's so hard to turn your mind and stomach off when you panic and just want to flee. All I can do is offer my sympathy. If I had advice on how to cure panic and anxiety, I wouldn't be posting to this group! :~) Good luck and I hope the relationship works out. kili -- http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kilikini -- ========== Please DELETE this text block when replying! ========== Contact the moderators at: asapm-board(a)stump.algebra.com The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm ========= This notice is added to each approved article ==========
From: MH on 13 Feb 2007 18:16 Welcome to ASAPM, Rachel. I'm sorry to hear about your current dilemma. As I read your post, I was wondering if this is the first time this has happened because of these feelings. If not, I would then wonder if you have some real fears about love and committment and such that may be causing the panic to manifest itself. I'm 56, married 34 years, with two grown children. I had my first panic attack at age 15. Today, with meds and therapy, I do pretty well with the panic. I have more problems with the depression now. I do see a therapist.... and he has been a huge help in my overcoming some of the panic issues. Are you seeing someone to help you with these feelings? If not, I would suggest that you try to find a good therapist who uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which has been proven to have good results with panic disorder. Perhaps some sort of medication regimen may help... even if just short-term. That would be something to decide with your doctor. You are right. It's hard to explain these feelings and thoughts to someone who has never experienced them. I hope your young man will hang in there with you... and that things will work out the way you want. Sounds like you really care about this guy.... Best of luck! MikeH :) "Rachel" <rachyrach1(a)psouth.net> wrote in message news:1171370857.584556.248980(a)a75g2000cwd.googlegroups.com... > Hi all, > > I'm new to the group and reaching out for some help/advice/people who > can relate. > > I am 31 and recently began dating a guy who could very well be "the > one" Well ,the implications of that have sent my panic disorder for a > whirlwind. He lives about 30 minutes away from me in the middle of no > where and when I went to his house for the first time, I stayed about > 45 minutes and had to go. It sent me into such a panic state that I > was physically sick for the rest of the night and for 3 days after. > Of course the negative thoughts started, "do I really like him?", "Is > this worth it?", "I should break up with him.", I felt awful because > before that I was falling in love with him. > > The whole thing totally hurt his feelings. He thought I left because > of him, he doesn't understand the panic and how or why it comes on. I > don't fully get it myself sometimes so it's hard to explain. I tried > to tell him it's because I like him so much and the new place and all > of that. Since then things have been repaired but I am holding back > now because of that experience and when, for the first time in our > relationship, he was going to tell me he loved me, I told him not to. > This stupid disorder is messing with my love life, making me doubt my > decisions and holding me back from love. > > HELP!! . -- ========== Please DELETE this text block when replying! ========== Contact the moderators at: asapm-board(a)stump.algebra.com The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm ========= This notice is added to each approved article ==========
From: weeks on 13 Feb 2007 18:51 Hi, Rachel, Welcome to ASAPM! Glad to know that you tried to explain your anxiety to this guy. People who don't live with anxiety/panic have a very difficult time understanding what we go through. It doesn't have to ruin our lives. There are treatment options and we learn to tweak how we live, do things. Your being open with him at least lets him know it's not anything he has done. Maybe if you go to his home a few times you will find it getting easier to do. Many of the situations anxiety sufferers find themselves in that produce anxiety, can be dealt with effectively through more exposure to the place/situation. This doesn't have to mess up your life, you have to learn how to live as an anxiety sufferer, with treatment options. Best wishes. smiles, Elise "Rachel" <rachyrach1(a)psouth.net> wrote in message news:1171370857.584556.248980(a)a75g2000cwd.googlegroups.com... > Hi all, > > I'm new to the group and reaching out for some help/advice/people who > can relate. > > I am 31 and recently began dating a guy who could very well be "the > one" Well ,the implications of that have sent my panic disorder for a > whirlwind. He lives about 30 minutes away from me in the middle of no > where and when I went to his house for the first time, I stayed about > 45 minutes and had to go. It sent me into such a panic state that I > was physically sick for the rest of the night and for 3 days after. > Of course the negative thoughts started, "do I really like him?", "Is > this worth it?", "I should break up with him.", I felt awful because > before that I was falling in love with him. > > The whole thing totally hurt his feelings. He thought I left because > of him, he doesn't understand the panic and how or why it comes on. I > don't fully get it myself sometimes so it's hard to explain. I tried > to tell him it's because I like him so much and the new place and all > of that. Since then things have been repaired but I am holding back > now because of that experience and when, for the first time in our > relationship, he was going to tell me he loved me, I told him not to. > This stupid disorder is messing with my love life, making me doubt my > decisions and holding me back from love. > > HELP!! > > -- > ========== Please DELETE this text block when replying! ========== > Contact the moderators at: asapm-board(a)stump.algebra.com > The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm > ========= This notice is added to each approved article ========== > -- ========== Please DELETE this text block when replying! ========== Contact the moderators at: asapm-board(a)stump.algebra.com The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm ========= This notice is added to each approved article ==========
From: MsMonarchdancer on 13 Feb 2007 19:42
On Tue, 13 Feb 2007 07:46:32 -0600, "Rachel" <rachyrach1(a)psouth.net> wrote: <gently snipped> ::The whole thing totally hurt his feelings. He thought I left because ::of him, he doesn't understand the panic and how or why it comes on. I ::don't fully get it myself sometimes so it's hard to explain. I tried ::to tell him it's because I like him so much and the new place and all ::of that. Since then things have been repaired but I am holding back ::now because of that experience and when, for the first time in our ::relationship, he was going to tell me he loved me, I told him not to. ::This stupid disorder is messing with my love life, making me doubt my ::decisions and holding me back from love. Dear Rachel, Welcome to ASAPM! Sorry about your rough time! Everyone here knows how hellish panic disorder can be. We understand :) hat are you doing for your panic disorder? Any meds and/or therapy? If not, get thyself to a psych doctor ASAP for your sake and for the sake of this relationship. In the meantime, send this link to your boyfriend. Here he can learn all about your disorder and can even find some support for himself. I suggest you borrow the author's book from the library. http://pacificcoast.net/~kstrong/ Some other useful info for your boyfriend. http://panicdisorder.about.com/od/forfriendsfamily/ Here are some informative links on cognitive behavioral therapy... http://panicdisorder.about.com/cs/therapycbt/ http://www.cognitivetherapy.com/ http://panicdisorder.about.com/cs/therapycbt/a/cbtintro.htm Here is a very informative site on anxiety and panic disorder. http://panicdisorder.about.com/ Here you will find all sorts of self-help techniques like deep breathing and muscle relaxation exercises that can help decrease your anxiety and panic. http://panicdisorder.about.com/od/selfhelp/ You might want to check out the following books from your library: "A Guide to Rational Living", by Albert Ellis, Ph.D "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy", by David D. Burns, M.D. "How to Control Your Anxiety, Before it Controls You", by Albert Elvis, Ph.D "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook", by Edmund J., Ph.D. Bourne I posted lots of info ranging from self-help, to finding local support groups.... to anxiety-reducing techniques, today. You may want to check them out. Don`t hesitate to ask any questions you may have, we`ll do our best to help you. It will get better :). Jackie ~*~It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes~*~ -- ========== Please DELETE this text block when replying! ========== Contact the moderators at: asapm-board(a)stump.algebra.com The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm ========= This notice is added to each approved article ========== |