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From: Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe on 4 May 2007 23:13
One of the challenges of working for a friend who is 26 years older,
feels as if he's quite a bit wiser from life experiences, knows the
entire family, has opinions on all of us, and feels comfortable enough
with me to tell me what he's thinking, is that I occasionally get to
hear his thoughts on the family. I'm trying to whether or not to once
again approach a subject my boss brought up yesterday or today. (I
don't remember which. The days are blurred together.)

YD's dress, attitude, and general appearance. In his words, she looks
like a tramp. Like many other teenage girls, she chooses clothing
based on what she thinks is "in," rather than on what looks best on
her body-type. She does *not* have the figure for low-riders, and she
buys t-shirts that are too small because she can't bring herself to
admit she needs the next larger size. She has a long torso, so those
tight, short t-shirts just *don't* work, especially with those low-
riders that look tacky on her.

But if I say anything, I'm picking on her, being too strict, etc. It
doesn't make me feel any better knowing that I'm not the only person
who thinks her choices in clothing aren't good. But I've yet to find
a way to get through to her that if she wants to look nice, she needs
to fit her clothing to her body, not fit her body into clothes
designed with a Twiggy figure in mind.

I understand her wanting to dress to catch attention. That's not such
a bad thing. Don't we all do that, to some degree? But how do we
coach her around to attracting *positive* attention? <sigh>

Ah, well. I'm letting Chewy deal with all that. I rarely even see
her anymore, since I'm usually away from the house when she's home,
and she's usually gone when I'm home.

Kitten

From: Joy on 4 May 2007 23:21

"Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe" <st_brigids_gate_farm(a)yahoo.com> wrote in
message news:1178334834.725898.62490(a)y5g2000hsa.googlegroups.com...
> One of the challenges of working for a friend who is 26 years older,
> feels as if he's quite a bit wiser from life experiences, knows the
> entire family, has opinions on all of us, and feels comfortable enough
> with me to tell me what he's thinking, is that I occasionally get to
> hear his thoughts on the family. I'm trying to whether or not to once
> again approach a subject my boss brought up yesterday or today. (I
> don't remember which. The days are blurred together.)
>
> YD's dress, attitude, and general appearance. In his words, she looks
> like a tramp. Like many other teenage girls, she chooses clothing
> based on what she thinks is "in," rather than on what looks best on
> her body-type. She does *not* have the figure for low-riders, and she
> buys t-shirts that are too small because she can't bring herself to
> admit she needs the next larger size. She has a long torso, so those
> tight, short t-shirts just *don't* work, especially with those low-
> riders that look tacky on her.
>
> But if I say anything, I'm picking on her, being too strict, etc. It
> doesn't make me feel any better knowing that I'm not the only person
> who thinks her choices in clothing aren't good. But I've yet to find
> a way to get through to her that if she wants to look nice, she needs
> to fit her clothing to her body, not fit her body into clothes
> designed with a Twiggy figure in mind.
>
> I understand her wanting to dress to catch attention. That's not such
> a bad thing. Don't we all do that, to some degree? But how do we
> coach her around to attracting *positive* attention? <sigh>
>
> Ah, well. I'm letting Chewy deal with all that. I rarely even see
> her anymore, since I'm usually away from the house when she's home,
> and she's usually gone when I'm home.

Do you have a camera? Sometimes candid photographs give us a much more
accurate idea of what we look like in our clothes than looking in the mirror
does. If you have a digital camera, maybe a screensaver consisting of
carefully selected family photos might make the point without ever saying a
word.


From: rebecca on 5 May 2007 22:27

"Joy" <dontreplytothis(a)dontlikespam.com> wrote in message
news:eKS_h.1537$hl7.879(a)newsfe03.lga...
>
> Do you have a camera? Sometimes candid photographs give us a much more
> accurate idea of what we look like in our clothes than looking in the
> mirror does. If you have a digital camera, maybe a screensaver consisting
> of carefully selected family photos might make the point without ever
> saying a word.
>

Nah. She won't get the clue. Kitten, this is a no-win. Mention it to
Chewy if you must, but you don't have the relationship with YD to have this
conversation unless she brings it up first. If you _do_ get into a
conversation, best to stay focused on the positives. "Look, this <blah>
would look awesome with your long body." or "Hey, higher waisted jeans are
really making a comeback. Why don't you try on a pair?" Something like
that.

But really, if Chewy doesn't care, it's a non-starter. And if he does care,
he should be doing it, not you.

rebecca


From: Kathleen on 6 May 2007 06:48
I agree. It doesn't matter what your motive is, it's not going to go over
well. I think this is one of those areas where you just have to watch her
make her own mistakes. I am 38yo and just figuring out (after many "What
Not To Wear" episodes, lol) what is flattering to me. I know there were a
lot of years where inappropriate clothing was not on my radar. I didn't get
it.

I would also think the boss would be more appropriate person to bring this
up with her. That might not get her attention either.

With hope and heart,
Kathleen
--
He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn,
or the food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other.
~ C.S.Lewis


> Nah. She won't get the clue. Kitten, this is a no-win. Mention it to
> Chewy if you must, but you don't have the relationship with YD to have
this
> conversation unless she brings it up first. If you _do_ get into a
> conversation, best to stay focused on the positives. "Look, this <blah>
> would look awesome with your long body." or "Hey, higher waisted jeans
are
> really making a comeback. Why don't you try on a pair?" Something like
> that.
>
> But really, if Chewy doesn't care, it's a non-starter. And if he does
care,
> he should be doing it, not you.
>
> rebecca
>
>


From: Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe on 8 May 2007 19:56
On May 6, 5:48 am, "Kathleen" <lovebirds1...(a)hotmail.com> wrote:
> I agree. It doesn't matter what your motive is, it's not going to go over
> well. I think this is one of those areas where you just have to watch her
> make her own mistakes. I am 38yo and just figuring out (after many "What
> Not To Wear" episodes, lol) what is flattering to me. I know there were a
> lot of years where inappropriate clothing was not on my radar. I didn't get
> it.
>
> I would also think the boss would be more appropriate person to bring this
> up with her. That might not get her attention either.
>


I'm pretty much leaving anything to do with her up to him. Her
educational stuff, all of it. It's his ball of wax now. If something
bugs me to the point I can't stand it, I'm waiting until he and I have
a bit of time alone and letting him know what's bugging me and why.
Then I try to ignore it.

Kitten

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