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From: Ken Hansen on 21 Jan 2006 08:36
Danny
I know, I felt it was the ultimate broken heart after my wife passed.
She was also in a hospital fighting for breath. Standng there unable to
help in any way was the most heartwrenching experience of my life. The
fact she was no longer suffering was of some comfort, but that didn't
change the longing in my heart to hold her again. She passed last May
19th and I spent the summer walking alot. Working I found to be a good
stabilizer, not that it was easy the first few days, but it is something
I had to do to live and helped to force my mind to think of other things
at least some of the time. I am finding now that the painful memories of
her last few days is being replaced with the fond, loving, wonderful
memories of our time together.
Our belief and faith help with the future and the place she is now.
Dealing with loss of your life partner is something no one can tell you
how you are supposed to do, there is no set way. You will find your own,
and it will be right for you.
I still have moments when I am overwhelmed with the last images I
have of her, but they are not as often and do not last as long.
It is still so fresh for you and please know my heart goes out to
you. Time and understanding friends or family will help.

Ken

From: Danny Banks on 25 Jan 2006 20:04
Thanks to all of you who responded, knowing there are others out there that
have gone through this and are still around is encouraging. I am in my
second week back at work, so far no major problems, I seem to make it
through the day and then cry all the way home, I stared carrying a dish
towel just for the ride home. I got the death certificates today, so I'm
starting the process of filling out all the paperwork to the various
insurance companies and retirement, etc. (she was a teacher, so at least
there are some benefits coming, although not as many as if she could have
taught until retirement age) Thanks again for the words of comfort, it will
be a long process I am sure, I liked the idea of walking, I think that will
be my new hobby as I need to lose weight anyway to be around for the
grandkids now. Always pictured that being her job :-)


"Danny Banks" <dannybanks(a)mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:8ihxf.6313$ZA2.21(a)newsread1.news.atl.earthlink.net...
>
> Linda passed away Monday the 9th, day 73 at Hospice. She struggled for
> every breath that day, not conscious for the last four days, so her long
> struggle is over, now mine can start, I have to go back to work on Monday,
> I'm sure the weeks and months ahead I will be missing her in ways I don't
> even know yet.
>
> Danny
>
>
> "Paul C." <Paul_C_NB(a)yahoo.canospam> wrote in message
> news:Xns97415C92F9196xxxxttttyyyyxxxxx(a)198.164.200.20...
>> "Danny Banks" <dannybanks(a)mindspring.com> wrote in
>> news:XlJuf.2401$%W1.149(a)newsread2.news.atl.earthlink.net:
>>
>>> I can't believe this is day 67 in Hospice.... my wife Linda had
>>> surgery in October for what they thought was ovarian cancer, but
>>> turned out it was PMP - cancer of the appendix, very rare, no cure.
>>> They sent her to Hospice to die on October 28 only expecting her to
>>> live a couple of weeks not being able to eat or heal from the surgery
>>> (removed ovaries and tubes) but she's still hanging on after almost 10
>>> weeks, a good 13 weeks without eating anything, she's gone from 190lbs
>>> to less than 100..... they are keeping her comfortable with the
>>> morphine, but how long can I sit and watch her die? Thanksgiving was
>>> bad, our 29th Wedding anniversary on Dec 18th, then Christmas, and now
>>> New Years. I took off work (without pay) to spend whatever time she
>>> had left with her, but have had to go back to work this week, so hard
>>> to try and pretend everything's OK when it's not..... I feel like I've
>>> already gone through a lot of the stages of grief, but know it's going
>>> to start all over when she does die, we have 4 granddaughters that I
>>> need to be strong for, but I feel like dying myself. Anyone have any
>>> words of hope? I feel like part of me is being ripped out.
>>> Danny
>>
>>
>> Words of hope....well it's hard to say. Yesterday was the one year
>> anniversary of our lives being sent for a loop, the initial diagnosis of
>> inoperable cancer in my Mother with no real knowledge of how long we had.
>> (it was a really nice way to start last year, wasn't it) Turned out it
>> was 99 days that 3 members of our family spent in Hospice waiting for the
>> inevitable. If it's like what we have hopefully there are councilors &
>> other people there that can help you out. There are also numerous books
>> available with advice on how to deal with grief.(I found books by Alan D.
>> Wolfelt to be sensible & comforting) It's going to be hell, I know, 9
>> months later & I still feel rotten but with help from family, friends &
>> outside counciling you can survive. Try not to leave anything unsaid if
>> you can as it can eat at you later in life, all the "why didn't I say
>> this, do this, etc"
>>
>> I appologize if this wasn't that helpful but I'm no expert, just another
>> person who was forced to face the knowledge of how fragile life can be &
>> how powerless we are at times. Just know that there are others out there
>> who have shared similiar experiences & many are willing to both listen &
>> talk with you. I think you should keep this link:
>>
>> http://www.groww.org/chat/gr.shtml
>>
>> You most likely wont have time to use it yet but when you do it provides
>> online chatrooms for people who have to deal with losing a loved one. I'm
>> a stranger to you but I wish you well just the same. I met many people
>> during my times spent in the hospital & it's a very sad situation indeed.
>
>


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