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From: Cece on 12 Jan 2006 09:51
Danny,

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, and all those days sitting
there by her bedside feeling helpless. Let yourself cry as the tears
are healing, but then also find strength to carry on for all of your
loved ones and for yourself. Linda wouldn't want you to suffer
throughout your life. You must be so tired and find it such a
challenge to go to work every day. My heart goes out to you, and you
are in my prayers, as is Linda. Remember, she is no longer suffering.
Pray and talk to her every chance you get. I believe she will hear
you.

Bless You,
Cece

From: Lydea on 13 Jan 2006 09:41
Danny (that seems so strange to write that as if was my beloved
husbands name also) I won`t offer the same platitudes you will
undoubtedly hear enough as it is. I will say that the pain s-l-o-w-l-y
lessens. You will have to allow yourself the breakdown moments, and
they will hit when you least expect them. Things you think will be hard
sometimes are not and then things that you did not even know would be
are devastating. I am finding it good to remember the pain is gone for
my Danny, I hope in time you will find likewise. My prayers and sincere
condolences go out to you. Just take one day at a time and give
yourself permission to go on living you actually have to do this at
times. God Bless you. Lydea

From: Daniel on 13 Jan 2006 13:35
On Thu, 12 Jan 2006 00:21:24 GMT, "Danny Banks"
<dannybanks(a)mindspring.com> wrote:

>
>Linda passed away Monday the 9th, day 73 at Hospice. She struggled for
>every breath that day, not conscious for the last four days, so her long
>struggle is over, now mine can start, I have to go back to work on Monday,
>I'm sure the weeks and months ahead I will be missing her in ways I don't
>even know yet.
>
>Danny
>

Danny, I am sorry about your loss of your wife Linda.

It's hard. So hard. It is too bad you are going to have to go back
to work so soon. Is there anybody at work you can confide in? I am
lucky to have an office manager who has "been there" with the grief
thing and is able to cut me some slack. Will there be a place at work
where you can escape and just breathe for a few minutes when you need
it?

Please try to take care of *you* too during these most difficult days
and weeks. And please let us know how you are doing.

Peace,
--
Daniel
deltaechomike(a)usa.net
From: Miss Dar on 19 Jan 2006 09:35

Danny Banks wrote:
> I can't believe this is day 67 in Hospice.... my wife Linda had surgery in
> October for what they thought was ovarian cancer, but turned out it was
> PMP - cancer of the appendix, very rare, no cure. They sent her to Hospice
> to die on October 28 only expecting her to live a couple of weeks not being
> able to eat or heal from the surgery (removed ovaries and tubes) but she's
> still hanging on after almost 10 weeks, a good 13 weeks without eating
> anything, she's gone from 190lbs to less than 100..... they are keeping her
> comfortable with the morphine, but how long can I sit and watch her die?
> Thanksgiving was bad, our 29th Wedding anniversary on Dec 18th, then
> Christmas, and now New Years. I took off work (without pay) to spend
> whatever time she had left with her, but have had to go back to work this
> week, so hard to try and pretend everything's OK when it's not..... I feel
> like I've already gone through a lot of the stages of grief, but know it's
> going to start all over when she does die, we have 4 granddaughters that I
> need to be strong for, but I feel like dying myself. Anyone have any words
> of hope? I feel like part of me is being ripped out.
> Danny

From: Miss Dar on 19 Jan 2006 09:45
Danny, I feel such sadness for you and I know how hard it is. My
husband suffered from May until August 20, 2005 from colon cancer that
had spread to his lymph nodes. He was in terrible pain and the meds did
not seem to help much. Hospice was very kind but I found it very
difficult to "open-up" to them.
My husband and I were together for 35 years and I loved him so very
much.
I did not think I could bear to watch him every day just slip away from
me and I know I had to dig deep inside myself to find what I needed to
get through the days and nights. I still have such a terrible emptyness
inside myself but I know I have to go on each day for my children and
grandson.
I really have no words to help you as I am seeking help myself but I do
know those of us left can and will get through this. I think if we
remember to live each day the best we can and do something for others
we can honor the ones we lost.
Miss Dar

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