The holidays and the pain [Grief]

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From: Lynn - Josh's Mom on 1 Dec 2007 03:53

There are so many people who come to this site that do not post. That
is fine, but this time of year, even if you thought you were better
from your loss - it gets to you, again this time of year. So let's
talk about it!

My question to all of you is - how will you cope this year?

How many years has it been since you lost your loved one?

How have you handled the last holidays or before your special someone
died, compared to now?

You all know, there are no right or wrong answers - looking to create
a discussion. ???

When you tell your story, would you mind putting your name and the
name of the person you lost , along with his/her birth date and death
date????????

I believe Love is Stronger than Death!!! No matter how your loved one
died.

This group has amazing compassion and love for others that have lost
someone. This group, can help you ,if you post and share with us. We
all walk hand in hand, to help each through the steps of grieving.
Many of us, will take our pain to the grave, but WE SHALL STILL
LIVE!!! We will live to honor the ones that have passed. Be it, sons
daughters, mothers, Fathers, Aunt, Uncle's, sisters and brothers and
of course friends.

We all need each other - let's share together! Please post!!!

Lynn - Josh's Mom
5-25-1978 to 11-25-2005
suicide at 27 yrs. old by jumping

From: Liliana on 3 Dec 2007 19:49

From: Suzy on 4 Dec 2007 03:38

On Dec 3, 7:49ï¿½pm, Liliana <xen...(a)rogers.com> wrote:
> On Dec 1, 3:53 am, "Lynn - Josh's Mom" <lynn.za...(a)gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
> > There are so many people who come to this site that do not post. ï¿½That
> > is fine, but this time of year, even if you thought you were better
> > from your loss - it gets ï¿½to you, again this time of year. ï¿½So let's
> > talk about it!
>
> > My question to all of you is - how will you cope this year?
>
> > How many years has it been since you lost your loved one?
>
> > How have you handled the last holidays or before your special someone
> > died, compared to now?
>
> > You all know, there are no right or wrong answers - looking to create
> > a discussion. ???
>
> > When you tell your story, would you mind putting your name and the
> > name of the person you lost , along with his/her birth date and death
> > date????????
>
> > I believe Love is Stronger than Death!!! ï¿½No matter how your loved one
> > died.
>
> > This group has amazing compassion and love for others that have lost
> > someone. This group, can help you ,if you post and share with us. We
> > all walk hand in hand, to help each through the steps of grieving.
> > Many of us, will take our pain to the grave, but WE SHALL STILL
> > LIVE!!! We will live to honor the ones that have passed. Be it, sons
> > daughters, mothers, Fathers, Aunt, Uncle's, sisters and brothers and
> > of course friends.
>
> > We all need each other - let's share together! Please post!!!
>
> > Lynn - Josh's Mom
> > 5-25-1978 to 11-25-2005
> > suicide at 27 yrs. old by jumping
>
> My son died on Sept. 6, 1998, in a car accident. ï¿½He was only 24 years
> old. ï¿½Today I went to his crypt and placed 2 little Christmas trees,
> and a shadow box with his past Christmases,decorated inside with small
> tress, gift boxes. ï¿½It is all a mirage, as I acknowledge Christmas at
> the cemetery. ï¿½I have done different decorations at the grave every
> years for 9 years now. ï¿½Last Christmas my other son, my mother and
> husband went out to a nice restaurant for Christmas. ï¿½The year before
> the same thing. ï¿½It is all so very sad. ï¿½It was only last year that we
> put up a few decorations. ï¿½No matter what we do or do not do, the
> holidays are rough.
> Liliana
> Canada- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

I lost my father over the summer. It's so weird that it's snowing
here in Mass, b/c it just seemed like we were having his graveyard
service, and it was a beautiful summer day in July, 2007. I saw
butterflies, birds, chipmunks, etc It just likes a lot of time has
passed, b/c we are in such a polar opposite time of year. It just
seems like yesterday when I was burying my father and praying for him
and us. He wanted to be cremated, so his ashes were put in a tasteful,
classy box, designed to bury.

I lost my mother 20 years ago, and I don't know where the time has
gone b/c, like my Dad, it feels like just died.. I intellectually know
that they didn't, but that's not what my mind wants to believe,...

It's very late, so I must go to sleep..... G'nite.

From: apkeddie on 5 Dec 2007 14:03

On Dec 1, 3:53 am, "Lynn - Josh's Mom" <lynn.za...(a)gmail.com> wrote:
> There are so many people who come to this site that do not post. That
> is fine, but this time of year, even if you thought you were better
> from your loss - it gets to you, again this time of year. So let's
> talk about it!
>
> My question to all of you is - how will you cope this year?
>
> How many years has it been since you lost your loved one?
>
> How have you handled the last holidays or before your special someone
> died, compared to now?
>
> You all know, there are no right or wrong answers - looking to create
> a discussion. ???
>
> When you tell your story, would you mind putting your name and the
> name of the person you lost , along with his/her birth date and death
> date????????
>
> I believe Love is Stronger than Death!!! No matter how your loved one
> died.
>
> This group has amazing compassion and love for others that have lost
> someone. This group, can help you ,if you post and share with us. We
> all walk hand in hand, to help each through the steps of grieving.
> Many of us, will take our pain to the grave, but WE SHALL STILL
> LIVE!!! We will live to honor the ones that have passed. Be it, sons
> daughters, mothers, Fathers, Aunt, Uncle's, sisters and brothers and
> of course friends.
>
> We all need each other - let's share together! Please post!!!
>
> Lynn - Josh's Mom
> 5-25-1978 to 11-25-2005
> suicide at 27 yrs. old by jumping

I've never written to this or any website before. My name is Andy. My
wife Carol (3/19/62 to 1/2/07) passed away on January 2, 2007. She got
sick last Christmas day, rushed to the hospital on the morning of the
26th, and was gone one week later. Sometimes I still can not believe
that Carol is gone. Now it is nearly one year later and I feel the
pressure of the whole Christmas to New Years Day spectacles rushing
towards me like an enormous avalanche of grief and crushing despair.
We were high school sweethearts; and married right after college.
Carol is the LOVE of my life and I was hers too. We had a great life
together.

I absolutely dread this upcoming holiday. I'm lost without her. Soon I
will have all these people coming around to ask - "Oh how are you
doing?" or "How's it going?" What do you say to them? The truth! -
that I'm completely miserable and barely functioning as a person. Or
just say "Oh - I'm fine" and thereby avoiding the whole conversation
and need to gauge their real level of concern and interest. What's the
right answer? Is there a right answer?

Then there is the gift shopping problem, a talent for which Carol was
exceptionally good at; and I am exceptionally not so good at. Now, how
do I do this? She did it all; and all I need to find was the right
gift for her. That was it, I could do that and she loved everything I
ever gave to her. Now there are people who have been very supportive
to me over this past year I want to find gifts for and I can't cope
with this stuff right now. I hate it. I miss her terribly. I can't
focus, I'm always tired, I don't eat right and I want to just hide
under the covers until next Spring so it will all be over. That's not
much of a coping with my grief strategy is it?

From: Lynn - Josh's Mom on 5 Dec 2007 18:06

On Dec 5, 1:03 pm, "apked...(a)gmail.com" <apked...(a)gmail.com> wrote:
> On Dec 1, 3:53 am, "Lynn - Josh's Mom" <lynn.za...(a)gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>
> > There are so many people who come to this site that do not post. That
> > is fine, but this time of year, even if you thought you were better
> > from your loss - it gets to you, again this time of year. So let's
> > talk about it!
>
> > My question to all of you is - how will you cope this year?
>
> > How many years has it been since you lost your loved one?
>
> > How have you handled the last holidays or before your special someone
> > died, compared to now?
>
> > You all know, there are no right or wrong answers - looking to create
> > a discussion. ???
>
> > When you tell your story, would you mind putting your name and the
> > name of the person you lost , along with his/her birth date and death
> > date????????
>
> > I believe Love is Stronger than Death!!! No matter how your loved one
> > died.
>
> > This group has amazing compassion and love for others that have lost
> > someone. This group, can help you ,if you post and share with us. We
> > all walk hand in hand, to help each through the steps of grieving.
> > Many of us, will take our pain to the grave, but WE SHALL STILL
> > LIVE!!! We will live to honor the ones that have passed. Be it, sons
> > daughters, mothers, Fathers, Aunt, Uncle's, sisters and brothers and
> > of course friends.
>
> > We all need each other - let's share together! Please post!!!
>
> > Lynn - Josh's Mom
> > 5-25-1978 to 11-25-2005
> > suicide at 27 yrs. old by jumping
>
> I've never written to this or any website before. My name is Andy. My
> wife Carol (3/19/62 to 1/2/07) passed away on January 2, 2007. She got
> sick last Christmas day, rushed to the hospital on the morning of the
> 26th, and was gone one week later. Sometimes I still can not believe
> that Carol is gone. Now it is nearly one year later and I feel the
> pressure of the whole Christmas to New Years Day spectacles rushing
> towards me like an enormous avalanche of grief and crushing despair.
> We were high school sweethearts; and married right after college.
> Carol is the LOVE of my life and I was hers too. We had a great life
> together.
>
> I absolutely dread this upcoming holiday. I'm lost without her. Soon I
> will have all these people coming around to ask - "Oh how are you
> doing?" or "How's it going?" What do you say to them? The truth! -
> that I'm completely miserable and barely functioning as a person. Or
> just say "Oh - I'm fine" and thereby avoiding the whole conversation
> and need to gauge their real level of concern and interest. What's the
> right answer? Is there a right answer?
>
> Then there is the gift shopping problem, a talent for which Carol was
> exceptionally good at; and I am exceptionally not so good at. Now, how
> do I do this? She did it all; and all I need to find was the right
> gift for her. That was it, I could do that and she loved everything I
> ever gave to her. Now there are people who have been very supportive
> to me over this past year I want to find gifts for and I can't cope
> with this stuff right now. I hate it. I miss her terribly. I can't
> focus, I'm always tired, I don't eat right and I want to just hide
> under the covers until next Spring so it will all be over. That's not
> much of a coping with my grief strategy is it?

Apk:

It sounds like you are coping just fine to me. I think we all want to
hide in the covers until the holidays are over. This is your first
Christmas with out your wife Carol, it's fine to do only what you feel
like. Your feelings should be respected. If you want to not buy
presents - that's fine. Your feelings are completely normal.

I am so sorry you have reason to be here with us, but I am glad that
you are posting. Please keep posting, all of us, are here for you. We
all know this pain called grief. It is a journey that is long that you
are on.

Carol sounds wonderful. Would you like to share more about her? I know
I would love to hear about her and everyone else here would too. I'm
looking forward to your next post.

Lynn - Josh's Mom

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