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From: MsMonarchdancer on 15 Sep 2008 17:35

INGREDIENTS OF HAPPY AND HEALTHY LIVING
http://www.skysite.org/facts.html#ingredients

SELF-ACCEPTANCE.

Healthy people choose to accept themselves unconditionally, rather than
measure or rate themselves or try to prove themselves.

RISK-TAKING

Emotionally healthy people choose to take risks and have a spirit of adventure
in trying to do what they want to do, without being foolhardy.

NON-UTOPIAN.

We are unlikely to get everything we want or to avoid everything we find
painful. Healthy people do not waste time striving for the unattainable or for
unrealistic perfection.

HIGH FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE.

Healthy people recognize that there are only two sorts of problems they are
likely to encounter: those they can do something about and those they cannot.
Once this discrimination has been made, the goal is to modify those obnoxious
conditions we can change, and to accept (or lump) those we cannot change.

SELF-RESPONSIBILITY FOR DISTURBANCE.

Rather than blaming others, the
world, or fate for their distress, healthy individuals accept a good deal of
responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

SELF-INTEREST.

Emotionally healthy people tend to put their own interests at least a little
above the interests of others. They sacrifice themselves to some degree for
those for whom they care, but not overwhelmingly or completely.

SOCIAL INTEREST.

Most people choose to live in social groups, and to do so most comfortably and
happily, they would be wise to act morally, protect the rights of others, and
aid in the survival of the society in which we live.

SELF-DIRECTION.

We would do well to cooperate with others, but it would be better for us to
assume primary responsibility for our own lives rather than to demand or need
most of our support or nurturance from others.

TOLERANCE.

It is helpful to allow humans (oneself and others) the right to be wrong. It
is not appropriate to like obnoxious behavior, but it is not necessary to damn
oneself or others for acting badly.

FLEXIBILITY.

Healthy individuals tend to be flexible thinkers � as opposed to having rigid,
bigoted, or invariant rules, which tend to reduce happiness.

ACCEPTANCE OF UNCERTAINTY.

We live in a fascinating world of probability and chance; absolute certainties
probably do not exist. The healthy individual strives for a degree of order,
but does not demand perfect certainty.

COMMITMENT.

Most people tend to be happier when vitally absorbed in something outside
themselves. At least one strong creative interest and some important human
involvement seem to provide structure for a happy daily existence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RULES For HAPPINESS

Don't blame others for making you unhappy. Take responsibility for making
yourself happy.

Give yourself permission to make yourself happy � even if in so doing, others
make themselves unhappy.

Make time for yourself to do things which bring you pleasure and enjoyment in
the short-term.

Do things for others and your community without expecting anything back in
return.

Sacrifice short-term pleasures and put up with short-term discomforts in order
to achieve longer-term gains.

Accept the fallibility of others and yourself.

Don't take things personally.

Take a chance even when you might fail at things at work or in your personal
relationships.

It doesn't matter so much what people think about you and what you are doing.

See uncertainty as a challenge � do not be afraid of it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PUTTING THE PAST BEHIND YOU

What is past is all said and done. What remains to be seen is what I can bring
to my present and future.

Better for me to concentrate on what I'm doing today rather than on what I did
or didn't do yesteryear.

Better to do in the present than to stew about the past.

The past isn't going to get any better!

Poor decisions made in the past do not have to be repeated in the present.

Because something once happened doesn't mean that it has to continue to
happen.

No matter how bad any event was, I do not have to allow it to continue to have
a negative influence on my life.

I cannot rewrite history and change what has already happened.

Whining and screaming about the injustices and unfairness of the past will
only take a bad situation and make it worse.

I don't have to be the one person in the universe to have been treated with
total fairness and kindness � and I don't have to moan and groan about the
fact that I wasn't.

I'm going to put more money down on what can yet be made to happen than on
what has already happened.

Having been treated unfairly in the past is all the more reason to treat
myself fairly in the present.

Now that I have been shown how not to treat people, I can have a better start
on how to treat them.

I don't have to take the unkindnesses of the past and turn them into insults
in the present.

I can use what did not kill me in the past to make myself emotionally strong
in the present.

I may have suffered deprivation in the past, but I have not been degraded or
demeaned by it. Demeaningness is a state of mind that only I can give myself,
and I've got better things to do than rake myself over the coals.

People's treating me like dirt in the past does not mean that I am dirt.

Feeling sorry for myself, angry toward others, guilty, or ashamed for getting
the short end of the stick in the past will only continue to keep me from
achieving happiness in the present and future.

I am an active stewing-in-my-own-juices participant in my present
victimization and can choose instead to make plans to move forward with my
life.

What I tell myself today is much more important than what others have told me
in the past.

Past experiences do not represent me. Rather, they represent things I have
experienced; they do not make me into a better or worse person.

The enemy is not my past; the enemy is my way of thinking about my past.

Going on an archeological dig of my past in an effort to explain my present
difficulties is like trying to find a needle in a haystack and will only
divert me from present problem-solving.

Everything that has happened in my life happened. Therefore, I'd better get
off my high horse and stop pigheadedly demanding that it should not have
occurred, when in truth it did occur.

What has happened to me is not nearly as important as what I decide to do with
it.

I will try to be successful in putting my past behind me by changing my
thoughts and feelings about it, but I don't have to put myself down if I fall
short of the put-it-behind-me mark.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
COPING STATEMENTS FOR DEALING WITH ANXIETY ABOUT ANXIETY

I don't have to make myself anxious about anything, or put myself down if I
stupidly and foolishly do make myself anxious.

My anxiety is bad, but I'm not bad.

I don't always have to feel comfortable, and it isn't awful when I don't.

I can bear�and bear with�anxiety: it won't kill me.

It is not necessary to be in perfect control of my anxious moments. To demand
that I be in control only multiplies my symptoms.

Others are not required to treat me with kid gloves when I feel uncomfortable.

The world doesn't have to make it easy for me to get a handle on my anxiety.

Anxiety is a part of life; it is not bigger than life.

My over-reactive nervous system is a part of my life, but it's not bigger than
life.

I can take my anxiety with me when going places and doing things that I am
reluctant to do (or stay isolated).

Controlling my anxiety is important, but hardly urgent.

Comfort is nice, but not necessary.

I don't have to be the one person in the universe to feel comfortable all the
time.

I'd better not feel calm, relaxed, and serene all the time, because if I did,
I'd have one dickens of a time motivating myself

Anxiety and panic are burrs in my saddle: highly inconvenient and
uncomfortable, but hardly awful.

I don't have to hassle myself or put myself down for not coping better with my
anxiety.

This, too, will likely pass.

I can blend in with the flow of my anxiety; I don't have to go tooth-and-nail,
head-on with it.

If I feel anxious, I feel anxious�tough!

I may have my anxiety, but I am not my anxiety.

I don't have to shame or demean myself for anything�including creating tight
knots in my gut.

Feelings of awkwardness, nervousness, or queasiness may interfere with my
projects, but they do not have to ruin them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONFIDENCE BUILDING AND
ANXIETY-REDUCING RATIONAL BELIEFS

Just because things are not succeeding today does not mean I'm a "no-hoper" or
that I will not succeed in the future.

While it is very desirable to achieve well and be recognized by others, I do
not need achievement or recognition to survive and be happy.

Mistakes and rejections are inevitable. I will work hard at accepting myself
while hating my mistakes and setbacks.

My performance at work � perfect or otherwise � does not determine my worth as
a person.

Things are rarely as bad, awful, or catastrophic as I imagine them to be.

I accept who I am, even though I may not like some of my traits and behaviors.

There are many things about me that I like and do well (enumerate them).

I have done many things at work successfully in the past, I will succeed in
the future.

I am intelligent and talented enough to learn what I have to do and how to do
it in order to accomplish my goals.

I am confident that everything will turn out okay given that I have my goals,
know what to do, and work hard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF DEPRESSION


Feelings of depression are caused by self-blame, self-pity and other-pity.

Self-Blame

No one makes you psychologically depressed. You do that by the things you say
to yourself.

You are not worthless even if important people in your life reject you.

Doing badly never makes you a bad person � only imperfect. You have a right to
be wrong.

Guilt is created in two steps: a) You do something bad and b) you decide
you're awful.

Never blame yourself for anything. Instead, admit your responsibility for
wrongdoing.

Self-blamers are grandiose in the sense that they judge themselves more
harshly than they judge others who commit similar errors.

You can always forgive yourself since you are a) imperfect b) ignorant or c)
disturbed.

Separate the rating of your behavior from the rating of your self.

Self-Pity

You don't have to have everything you want. The world was not made just for
you.

Not getting your way is only disappointing or sad�not the end of the world.

Count your blessings.

You have put up with disappointments all your life; you can tolerate this one
too.

Other-Pity

Caring for others is mature. Over-caring is neurotic.

All the pain you feel for the suffering of others does not relieve them of the
slightest pain.

Healthy detachment by you helps others face up to their self-defeating
behaviors.

You won't get burned out as a helper if you don't break your heart over
others.

DECISION MAKING

There's no way not to decide.

If I don't decide, someone else will.

I can change my mind.

I can make more than one decision about something.

I don't have to live or die with every decision.

I don't have to decide for anyone but me.

I can decide even if I don't have the perfect answer.

I can decide even if I'm unable to eliminate all the risks.

I may have to make some decisions that won't please others.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RATIONAL BELIEFS TO INCREASE
FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE

In the long run, the easier and less disciplined approach to pleasure and
enjoyment is usually less rewarding than the more difficult or uncomfortable
route.

I am happiest when I get involved in long-term, challenging work that requires
me to work against inertia and take risks.

While things I have to do may be difficult, unpleasant or boring, they are
rarely too difficult, unpleasant or boring.

While it may be unfair that I have to work so hard, my life does not have to
be easy.

In order to achieve pleasant results, I often have to do unpleasant things.

Yes, it is a pain to do this now, but I'd better because it will be much
harder and I'll get worse results if I do it later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HELPFUL THINGS TO SAY TO MYSELF TO OVERCOME PERFECTIONISM

No one can be totally perfect.

I'm not perfect and I never will be � tough!

It's okay to want to do my best.

Doing well does not necessarily mean being the best.

I perform in many different roles and it is highly unlikely that I will excel
in every role at all times.

Just because I make a mistake does not mean I am a mistake.

To be human is to err.

The pressure I put on myself to perform perfectly is an unrealistic pressure
that can actually cause me to perform worse because I will be worried and
nervous.

The pressure I put on myself to perform perfectly creates an extra source of
stress that can affect me emotionally and physically.

Trying to do my best is a reasonable goal, but it will not always be achieved.

Few things in life are exact. Things can be done in a variety of ways and have
many different solutions.

People do not always agree on what is correct or right. Judgments are often
subjective. I will try to set my own realistic goals, please myself, and have
the strength to be creative and different in the face of others' potential
disapproval.

Our whole society is geared to expect that people will make mistakes and
errors. Examples are traffic tickets, prison, consumer recalls, consumer
complaints, refunds, legal suits, etc.

True friends accept imperfection.

Mistakes do not equal incompetence.
Mistakes are just mistakes �period!
http://www.skysite.org/facts.html#ingredients


~*~Millions long for immortality but do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon~*~
~Susan Ertz~

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