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From: Skog on 20 Mar 2007 22:37
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.support.social-phobia/browse_frm/thread/b5f39e7ffd96dfe0/?hl=en#


It's been over 9 months now since I told 2 people about AVPD. I have
to
come to grips now with the reality that they are not going to help me.
I didn't get the kind of empathetic reaction I hoped for at the
outset and even when I try to point out how they respond to me in a
way that makes me feel rejected, they don't seem to get it. Both of
them want to just have casual conversations from time-to-time and are
willing to ignore me for days when I withdraw, despite now knowing
something about what that means. They don't dislike me; they just
aren't going to help me. I wasn't interested in help from anyone
else, so this is very discouraging.

From: John Sheppard on 22 Mar 2007 03:21

"Skog" <theskog(a)juno.com> wrote in message
news:1174444642.255026.178420(a)e1g2000hsg.googlegroups.com...
> http://groups.google.com/group/alt.support.social-phobia/browse_frm/thread/b5f39e7ffd96dfe0/?hl=en#
>
>
> It's been over 9 months now since I told 2 people about AVPD. I have
> to
> come to grips now with the reality that they are not going to help me.
> I didn't get the kind of empathetic reaction I hoped for at the
> outset and even when I try to point out how they respond to me in a
> way that makes me feel rejected, they don't seem to get it. Both of
> them want to just have casual conversations from time-to-time and are
> willing to ignore me for days when I withdraw, despite now knowing
> something about what that means. They don't dislike me; they just
> aren't going to help me. I wasn't interested in help from anyone
> else, so this is very discouraging.
>

My opinion be that you can only help yourself. If you have someone already
close to you, they can support you, but even then you can only help
yourself.

If someone told you they had anger management problems would you be able to
help them? I somewhat doubt it, only they can help themselves. What would
you do? You could possibly support them and encourage them, but thats about
the most you can do, and even thats asking alot.

John


From: Skog on 22 Mar 2007 12:14
On Mar 22, 12:21 am, "John Sheppard" <nos...(a)nospam.com> wrote:
> "Skog" <thes...(a)juno.com> wrote in message
>

> My opinion be that you can only help yourself. If you have someone already
> close to you, they can support you, but even then you can only help
> yourself.
>
> If someone told you they had anger management problems would you be able to
> help them? I somewhat doubt it, only they can help themselves. What would
> you do? You could possibly support them and encourage them, but thats about
> the most you can do, and even thats asking alot.
>
> John
___________________________________
Support and encouragement is not asking a lot. It is what human
beings provide to each other, especially if they consider themselves
friends. It is cruel to withhold it from someone who has asked for it.

From: John Sheppard on 22 Mar 2007 14:17

"Skog" <theskog(a)juno.com> wrote in message
news:1174580073.154061.309570(a)d57g2000hsg.googlegroups.com...
> On Mar 22, 12:21 am, "John Sheppard" <nos...(a)nospam.com> wrote:
>> "Skog" <thes...(a)juno.com> wrote in message
>>
>
>> My opinion be that you can only help yourself. If you have someone
>> already
>> close to you, they can support you, but even then you can only help
>> yourself.
>>
>> If someone told you they had anger management problems would you be able
>> to
>> help them? I somewhat doubt it, only they can help themselves. What would
>> you do? You could possibly support them and encourage them, but thats
>> about
>> the most you can do, and even thats asking alot.
>>
>> John
> ___________________________________
> Support and encouragement is not asking a lot. It is what human
> beings provide to each other, especially if they consider themselves
> friends. It is cruel to withhold it from someone who has asked for it.
>

I guess it depends on the level of support you are asking for. Bare in mind
some people have many associates and it is an impossibility to give support
to someone who is just an acquantance. Obviously I dont know your exact
situation, its just something to keep in mind.

Besides that, I dont see it as cruel, its their time, their choice, they can
do what they like, it only becomes cruel when they activly choose to inflict
something on you.

Its like me asking you to pass the salt. You dont have to, sure its nice to,
but you shouldnt be condemend for not doing so.


From: Skog on 22 Mar 2007 15:23
On Mar 22, 11:17 am, "John Sheppard" <nos...(a)nospam.com> wrote:
> "Skog" <thes...(a)juno.com> wrote in message

> > On Mar 22, 12:21 am, "John Sheppard" <nos...(a)nospam.com> wrote:
> >> "Skog" <thes...(a)juno.com> wrote in message

> Its like me asking you to pass the salt. You dont have to, sure its nice to,
> but you shouldnt be condemend for not doing so.
______________________________________
It's more like this. After years of you not passing the salt when I
asked, I told you how hard it was for me to ask, and how much it hurt
me when you still didn't pass the salt when I asked. Then, the next
time I ask you to pass the salt, you still don't do it, and when my
reaction discloses that it hurt me, you ignore that, too.

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