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From: yadtgreuycjh on 17 Jan 2008 08:39

Do you know when to give up trying to save your marriage?
It's very rare that couples avoid divorce by trying to stay together.
It's an odd statement to make I know but you probably have more chance
of staying together if you stop trying.
Conventional wisdom and advice suggests that when you're marriage is
on the rocks that you should work together to repair the problems that
exist in your relationship. You're urged to talk to your partner and
really listen to what they have to say. Then you must work out
compromises and change your behaviour for mutual benefit.
There are one or two flaws in this conventional marriage saving
wisdom. The first flaw is that both you and you partner must want to
save the marriage. Sadly this is more often than not far from reality.
Usually one partner wants to save the marriage and the other one wants
it to end as soon as possible. Trying to work together to stop divorce
under these circumstances is unlikely to work.
Another flaw with the traditional marriage counselling advice is that
it encourages you to make false promises and even plead in an attempt
to save the relationship. The promises often involve one or both
partners changing their behaviour, which very rarely will actually
happen or if it does then it will be short lived....

Save Marriage : http://groups.google.com/group/savemarriagerh
From: daisy on 18 Jan 2008 09:00
yadtgreuycjh(a)yahoo.com wrote:
> Do you know when to give up trying to save your marriage?
> It's very rare that couples avoid divorce by trying to stay together.
> It's an odd statement to make I know but you probably have more chance
> of staying together if you stop trying.
> Conventional wisdom and advice suggests that when you're marriage is
> on the rocks that you should work together to repair the problems that
> exist in your relationship. You're urged to talk to your partner and
> really listen to what they have to say. Then you must work out
> compromises and change your behaviour for mutual benefit.
> There are one or two flaws in this conventional marriage saving
> wisdom. The first flaw is that both you and you partner must want to
> save the marriage. Sadly this is more often than not far from reality.
> Usually one partner wants to save the marriage and the other one wants
> it to end as soon as possible. Trying to work together to stop divorce
> under these circumstances is unlikely to work.
> Another flaw with the traditional marriage counselling advice is that
> it encourages you to make false promises and even plead in an attempt
> to save the relationship. The promises often involve one or both
> partners changing their behaviour, which very rarely will actually
> happen or if it does then it will be short lived....
>
> Save Marriage : http://groups.google.com/group/savemarriagerh
alt.support.divorce is a good newsgroup for you to try, allthough I
don't post much there anymore there are alot of kind people. Seperating
can be a grieving process, I've been there done that after my son died
and it ended up in divorce. I wish you well.

Daisy
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