Self pity and anger post
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From: Vickie on 13 Apr 2008 12:46 Had a friend and her husband come to visit last eve. A week before I was so excited to see her and him, but like always the day of the visit the symptoms set in. Getting sweaty, shakes, mind going a mile a minute, things start looking sureal, and I am about to cycle into a panic. God dammit I hate it. Why can't I enjoy anything. I am on the f-ing meds, I am fine with the same old same old. So I pop a benzo and wait the 10 or so minutes for the kick in. Those 10 minutes seem a life time and I am really to ball my eyes out or punch anything in sight. This f-ing sucks. Yeah, I have not been pushing myself to go outside my safe places, yeah I have not been exercising as much, or doing meditation. And the people who tell me to just let the feelings wash over me, well I just can't. I can't do it. I will always spend the rest of my life fearful of panic. It is frightening and terrifying and I don't want it anymore. Vickie
From: Vieux Sailor on 13 Apr 2008 15:32 On Apr 13, 12:46 pm, Vickie <lilliputianbizz...(a)gmail.com> wrote: > Had a friend and her husband come to visit last eve. > > A week before I was so excited to see her and him, but like always the > day of the visit the symptoms set in. Getting sweaty, shakes, mind > going a mile a minute, things start looking sureal, and I am about to > cycle into a panic. > > God dammit I hate it. Why can't I enjoy anything. I am on the f-ing > meds, I am fine with the same old same old. > > So I pop a benzo and wait the 10 or so minutes for the kick in. Those > 10 minutes seem a life time and I am really to ball my eyes out or > punch anything in sight. > > This f-ing sucks. > > Yeah, I have not been pushing myself to go outside my safe places, > yeah I have not been exercising as much, or doing meditation. And the > people who tell me to just let the feelings wash over me, well I just > can't. I can't do it. > > I will always spend the rest of my life fearful of panic. It is > frightening and terrifying and I don't want it anymore. > > Vickie Keep a positive attitude, it may seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but with time and the right combo of meds, you will see changes.
From: Anna on 13 Apr 2008 16:11 Vickie schreef: > Had a friend and her husband come to visit last eve. > > A week before I was so excited to see her and him, but like always the > day of the visit the symptoms set in. Getting sweaty, shakes, mind > going a mile a minute, things start looking sureal, and I am about to > cycle into a panic. > > God dammit I hate it. Why can't I enjoy anything. I am on the f-ing > meds, I am fine with the same old same old. > > So I pop a benzo and wait the 10 or so minutes for the kick in. Those > 10 minutes seem a life time and I am really to ball my eyes out or > punch anything in sight. > > This f-ing sucks. > > Yeah, I have not been pushing myself to go outside my safe places, > yeah I have not been exercising as much, or doing meditation. And the > people who tell me to just let the feelings wash over me, well I just > can't. I can't do it. > > I will always spend the rest of my life fearful of panic. It is > frightening and terrifying and I don't want it anymore. > > Vickie Dear Vick I guess you just say out loud what we all feel ! One day is better than the other But days like this when you actually know you would enjoy it so much and you can't cause of our f*cking disorder Those days are hellish You DON'T have to meditate - go out - and so on !!! We fight a hard fight and all the suggestions on how to get better can be too much We have heard it all got the t-shirt and the button . But sometimes we just want to lay our weary head down and cry Love ya Anna
From: Vickie on 13 Apr 2008 18:16 On Apr 13, 12:32 pm, Vieux Sailor <mleblaa...(a)rogers.com> wrote: > On Apr 13, 12:46 pm, Vickie <lilliputianbizz...(a)gmail.com> wrote: > > > > > > > Had a friend and her husband come to visit last eve. > > > A week before I was so excited to see her and him, but like always the > > day of the visit the symptoms set in. Getting sweaty, shakes, mind > > going a mile a minute, things start looking sureal, and I am about to > > cycle into a panic. > > > God dammit I hate it. Why can't I enjoy anything. I am on the f-ing > > meds, I am fine with the same old same old. > > > So I pop a benzo and wait the 10 or so minutes for the kick in. Those > > 10 minutes seem a life time and I am really to ball my eyes out or > > punch anything in sight. > > > This f-ing sucks. > > > Yeah, I have not been pushing myself to go outside my safe places, > > yeah I have not been exercising as much, or doing meditation. And the > > people who tell me to just let the feelings wash over me, well I just > > can't. I can't do it. > > > I will always spend the rest of my life fearful of panic. It is > > frightening and terrifying and I don't want it anymore. > > > Vickie > > Keep a positive attitude, it may seem like there is no light at the > end of the tunnel but with time and the right combo of meds, you will > see changes.- Hide quoted text - > I don't feel it. I don't feel it will ever change. My meds are good. I suppose I could say I am one of the lucky ones as I am not as I was before being diagnosed, which was panic/agoraphobic. I don't think though that I will ever be able to tell the difference between excitement and anxiety, or normal anxiousness and panic. I am just feeling down and a positive attitude would help. I'll come around. Thanks, Vickie
From: nanny on 13 Apr 2008 23:23
So true, Anna, so true. Vicki, you'll feel better once it's all over. Have you ever had trouble with social anxiety? I can't be around other people too long, or one on one (like say, over lunch) without getting very nervous and jittery. Nanny "Anna" <kojech(a)planet.nl> wrote in message news:66f7miFkca0sU1(a)mid.individual.net... > Vickie schreef: >> Had a friend and her husband come to visit last eve. >> >> A week before I was so excited to see her and him, but like always the >> day of the visit the symptoms set in. Getting sweaty, shakes, mind >> going a mile a minute, things start looking sureal, and I am about to >> cycle into a panic. >> >> God dammit I hate it. Why can't I enjoy anything. I am on the f-ing >> meds, I am fine with the same old same old. >> >> So I pop a benzo and wait the 10 or so minutes for the kick in. Those >> 10 minutes seem a life time and I am really to ball my eyes out or >> punch anything in sight. >> >> This f-ing sucks. >> >> Yeah, I have not been pushing myself to go outside my safe places, >> yeah I have not been exercising as much, or doing meditation. And the >> people who tell me to just let the feelings wash over me, well I just >> can't. I can't do it. >> >> I will always spend the rest of my life fearful of panic. It is >> frightening and terrifying and I don't want it anymore. >> >> Vickie > > > Dear Vick I guess you just say out loud what we all feel ! > One day is better than the other But days like this when you actually know > you would enjoy it so much and you can't cause of our f*cking disorder > Those days are hellish > > You DON'T have to meditate - go out - and so on !!! > We fight a hard fight and all the suggestions on how to get better can be > too much We have heard it all got the t-shirt and the button . > > But sometimes we just want to lay our weary head down and cry > > Love ya Anna |