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From: Dave111 on 27 Mar 2008 17:35
I find myself in a quite depressing situation and could do with some
advice. I had urostomy surgery a few years ago and since then my wife and
I have not been sexually active apart from one attempt that did not go
well. She has now told me that she'd like to be able to find someone else
to have casual sex with because she cannot deal with my urostomy bag. I
don't know what to do about this. Our relationship in general is poor, but
we have a young family and don't want to split up. I have suggested that we
go to a therapist, but she says it won't help. I know she is very depressed
and frustrated at having no sex life, but I just don't know if I can deal
with her having a physical relationship with someone else. All comments
and advice appreciated. Thanks.

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From: cms on 28 Mar 2008 04:20
Hi Dave,

I have never been married so I don't feel very qualified to be giving
advice, but I want you to know that I am thinking of you and hope that you
can find a good solution. This newsgroup has very little traffic, but there
is a message board at www.ostomates.org with lots of wonderful people. You
may find a bigger pool of advice there, and I'm quite sure you'll find lots
of moral support.

As far as any advice I can offer, I think it might be best to press for
therapy. It will probably help and it can't hurt anything. Your Stoma Care
Nurse or doctor may be able to refer you to a marriage/family counsellor who
understands how the onset of disability and stoma-related body changes can
affect relationships. That way you and your wife can deal with your whole
relationship and not dance around the changes related to your urostomy.

Take care.
Colleen

"Dave111" <nospam(a)yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:ea389497607102eadb624984262a62e2(a)localhost.talkaboutsupport.com...
>I find myself in a quite depressing situation and could do with some
> advice. I had urostomy surgery a few years ago and since then my wife and
> I have not been sexually active apart from one attempt that did not go
> well. She has now told me that she'd like to be able to find someone else
> to have casual sex with because she cannot deal with my urostomy bag. I
> don't know what to do about this. Our relationship in general is poor, but
> we have a young family and don't want to split up. I have suggested that
> we
> go to a therapist, but she says it won't help. I know she is very
> depressed
> and frustrated at having no sex life, but I just don't know if I can deal
> with her having a physical relationship with someone else. All comments
> and advice appreciated. Thanks.
>
> --
> Message posted using
> http://www.talkaboutsupport.com/group/alt.support.ostomy/
> More information at http://www.talkaboutsupport.com/faq.html
>


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