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From: Storm on 30 Jan 2006 13:05 A very intelligent 11 year old girl has just started Christian School. Has normal God questions, but is doing ok. The fathers girlfriend is (from what I gather), an athiest. On a recent weekend visit, a lot of angst was caused with the 11 year old girl concerning religious beliefs...i.e, God doesnt exist. What about the big bang, evolution, etc etc. The 11 year old was literally in tears, full of questions, doubt, etc....and had to speak with us, and a couple of people at her school to feel settled. No, there is not a divorce decree yet. Mediation is being pushed, and both are eager to settle. Next. 11 year old girl, 5 year old boy, and 2 year old girl, only have a couch to sleep on for weekend visits, and two one week vacations. Next 5 year old boy wants to live with dad. Dad has a girlfriend from overseas who has a 7 year old son. Both have been staying at dads house lately. Once the divorce is final, the girlfriend and girlfriends son will be moving in with the 5 year olds dad. The 5 year old, I think, is jealous that the 7 year old can stay with his (5 year olds) dad, and he cant. He has two sibblings at home, and is very close to his younger sister. Visits are encouraged, and no barriers to the relationship with the father exist. However, dad is on the road a lot with 12 hour days. Suggestions? The kid comes home crying every other weekend because he wants to live with dad. As an FYI, moms boyfriend (me) lives with her. We all want to do whats best for the kid. We all know that its a lot more stable here...including the dad (I think). Next.... Deductions. 3 kids. Dad pays CS but, little to nothing else, and is screaming poverty. Dad has kids every other weekend, one week at xmas, one week in summer. Mom pays all daycare, christian school, all related expenses, medical, dental, out of pocket, etc. Dad literally just pays child support, in the form of a roughly equal mortgage. He wants to alternate years on who claims the kids for exemptions. Being he is paying mortgage as CS, he gets to claim the house. He recently filed a motion (now representing himself because he is poor), to halt anyone claiming the kids until it is resolved in court. Thoughts? Storm
From: MaryLou on 30 Jan 2006 13:50 "Storm" <not(a)all.here> wrote: >A very intelligent 11 year old girl has just started Christian School. Has >normal God questions, but is doing ok. >The fathers girlfriend is (from what I gather), an athiest. >On a recent weekend visit, a lot of angst was caused with the 11 year old >girl concerning religious beliefs...i.e, God doesnt exist. What about the >big bang, evolution, etc etc. The 11 year old was literally in tears, full >of questions, doubt, etc....and had to speak with us, and a couple of people >at her school to feel settled. > >No, there is not a divorce decree yet. Mediation is being pushed, and both >are eager to settle. > >Next. > >11 year old girl, 5 year old boy, and 2 year old girl, only have a couch to >sleep on for weekend visits, and two one week vacations. > >Next > >5 year old boy wants to live with dad. Dad has a girlfriend from overseas >who has a 7 year old son. Both have been staying at dads house lately. > >Once the divorce is final, the girlfriend and girlfriends son will be moving >in with the 5 year olds dad. The 5 year old, I think, is jealous that the 7 >year old can stay with his (5 year olds) dad, and he cant. He has two >sibblings at home, and is very close to his younger sister. Visits are >encouraged, and no barriers to the relationship with the father exist. >However, dad is on the road a lot with 12 hour days. > >Suggestions? The kid comes home crying every other weekend because he wants >to live with dad. As an FYI, moms boyfriend (me) lives with her. We all >want to do whats best for the kid. We all know that its a lot more stable >here...including the dad (I think). > >Next.... > >Deductions. 3 kids. Dad pays CS but, little to nothing else, and is >screaming poverty. Dad has kids every other weekend, one week at xmas, one >week in summer. Mom pays all daycare, christian school, all related >expenses, medical, dental, out of pocket, etc. Dad literally just pays >child support, in the form of a roughly equal mortgage. > >He wants to alternate years on who claims the kids for exemptions. Being >he is paying mortgage as CS, he gets to claim the house. He recently filed >a motion (now representing himself because he is poor), to halt anyone >claiming the kids until it is resolved in court. > >Thoughts? yes. Assuming i have this all straight with who's who. :-) Anyway, here goes (and i may have this all wrong): Maybe the child that's confused is facing contradictions in her life that she doesn't know how to process emotionally. (11 is a tough age for a girl, iirc) She's going to Christian school now. Could this school be very strict, judgmental and by-the-book in its teachings?? It's possible that she's being taught that certain things, like divorce, adultery and cohabitation, are "wrong". Then she comes home to parents' houses where they are both cohabitating with new people, yet not divorced. ? Maybe she's worried about (according to what she might be taught at school) loved-ones going to Hell and stuff like that. I'm not judging (i cohabitated as well). But i would make sure the school's teachings are not in contradiction with her family lifestyle at home. I grew up with some "do as i say, not as i do" sorta stuff at home, and it was very distressing.
From: Random Stranger on 30 Jan 2006 15:40 Storm wrote: > A very intelligent 11 year old girl has just started Christian School. Has > normal God questions, but is doing ok. > The fathers girlfriend is (from what I gather), an athiest. > On a recent weekend visit, a lot of angst was caused with the 11 year old > girl concerning religious beliefs...i.e, God doesnt exist. What about the > big bang, evolution, etc etc. The 11 year old was literally in tears, full > of questions, doubt, etc....and had to speak with us, and a couple of people > at her school to feel settled. My way to handle that would be to say "if God doesn't exist, what created the big bang?". Evolution is a tough one. There's lots of scientific evidence both for and against it. Evolution easily co-exists with the notion of God, however. How could it not? Why would God create creatures that didn't evolve and adapt? Science and God can peacefully co-exist, and the girl should be taught that. Science and God are apples and oranges -- one requires physical proof, one requires belief, so you can't disprove one because of the existence of the other. > No, there is not a divorce decree yet. Mediation is being pushed, and both > are eager to settle. > > Next. > > 11 year old girl, 5 year old boy, and 2 year old girl, only have a couch to > sleep on for weekend visits, and two one week vacations. Your point? Are you saying no visitation at all would be better than to have them sleep on a couch? Sleeping on the couch can be a good lesson for the children on how to make the best of a bad situation. It's a lesson they (arguably) have to learn some day, they might as well start learning it now. The third and fourth months of my divorce I was, in effect, homeless. Our marital home was foreclosed on so I was bumming the couch of a friend. Worst Christmas holiday ever. Yet the kids still spent time with me and we all learned important lessons about adapting. Not to mention the value of a good friend. Maybe the mother should be paying support to the father so he is able to provide them a better environment when thekids live > > Next > > 5 year old boy wants to live with dad. Dad has a girlfriend from overseas > who has a 7 year old son. Both have been staying at dads house lately. > > Once the divorce is final, the girlfriend and girlfriends son will be moving > in with the 5 year olds dad. The 5 year old, I think, is jealous that the 7 > year old can stay with his (5 year olds) dad, and he cant. That seems like a reasonable reaction. I would be jealous too. > He has two > sibblings at home, and is very close to his younger sister. Visits are > encouraged, and no barriers to the relationship with the father exist. > However, dad is on the road a lot with 12 hour days. > > Suggestions? The kid comes home crying every other weekend because he wants > to live with dad. As an FYI, moms boyfriend (me) lives with her. We all > want to do whats best for the kid. We all know that its a lot more stable > here...including the dad (I think). I don't think it's possible to make a reasonable visitation suggestion based on such limited facts presented by only one side of the argument. It does sound like the kids need more time with their father, though. Is his limited time with them by choice or forced upon him due to the divorce? That is, if the mom gave him more time, for example one day during each week, would he be able to take advantage of it? > > Next.... > > Deductions. 3 kids. Dad pays CS but, little to nothing else, and is > screaming poverty. Dad has kids every other weekend, one week at xmas, one > week in summer. Mom pays all daycare, christian school, all related > expenses, medical, dental, out of pocket, etc. Dad literally just pays > child support, in the form of a roughly equal mortgage. > > He wants to alternate years on who claims the kids for exemptions. Being > he is paying mortgage as CS, he gets to claim the house. He recently filed > a motion (now representing himself because he is poor), to halt anyone > claiming the kids until it is resolved in court. > > Thoughts? The tax deduction is easy, IMO. Split the deductions down the middle. It looks like each parent is paying part of their income to support their children so they should each get part of the deduction. Another way to look at it would be to give dad the deduction all the time. Apparently a considerably larger percentage of his take-home is going to support the kids so he should get the deduction. It sounds like the mother is better off financially than the father. Why must the father pay child support at all? After all, he already supports them by paying for the time they are with him, why should he also pay for the time they are not with him?
From: Xenos the Elder on 30 Jan 2006 16:41 Storm wrote: > A very intelligent 11 year old girl has just started Christian School. Has > normal God questions, but is doing ok. > The fathers girlfriend is (from what I gather), an athiest. > On a recent weekend visit, a lot of angst was caused with the 11 year old > girl concerning religious beliefs...i.e, God doesnt exist. What about the > big bang, Don't know about the big bang but some banging was going on and after that .... evolution. If god exists or not I can not tell but while the big bang was going on, I'd rather would like to refer to it as the great banging I could hear voices saying: " Oh my god, oh oh ooohhhh. >evolution, etc etc. The 11 year old was literally in tears, full > of questions, doubt, etc....and had to speak with us, and a couple of people > at her school to feel settled. > > No, there is not a divorce decree yet. Mediation is being pushed, and both > are eager to settle. > > Next. > > 11 year old girl, 5 year old boy, and 2 year old girl, only have a couch to > sleep on for weekend visits, and two one week vacations. > > Next > > 5 year old boy wants to live with dad. Dad has a girlfriend from overseas > who has a 7 year old son. Both have been staying at dads house lately. > > Once the divorce is final, the girlfriend and girlfriends son will be moving > in with the 5 year olds dad. The 5 year old, I think, is jealous that the 7 > year old can stay with his (5 year olds) dad, and he cant. He has two > sibblings at home, and is very close to his younger sister. Visits are > encouraged, and no barriers to the relationship with the father exist. > However, dad is on the road a lot with 12 hour days. > > Suggestions? The kid comes home crying every other weekend because he wants > to live with dad. As an FYI, moms boyfriend (me) lives with her. We all > want to do whats best for the kid. We all know that its a lot more stable > here...including the dad (I think). > > Next.... > > Deductions. 3 kids. Dad pays CS but, little to nothing else, and is > screaming poverty. Dad has kids every other weekend, one week at xmas, one > week in summer. Mom pays all daycare, christian school, all related > expenses, medical, dental, out of pocket, etc. Dad literally just pays > child support, in the form of a roughly equal mortgage. > > He wants to alternate years on who claims the kids for exemptions. Being > he is paying mortgage as CS, he gets to claim the house. He recently filed > a motion (now representing himself because he is poor), to halt anyone > claiming the kids until it is resolved in court. > > Thoughts? > > Storm > > >
From: MaryLou on 30 Jan 2006 16:51
Xenos the Elder <askme(a)forit.net> wrote: >Don't know about the big bang but some banging was going on and after >that .... evolution. >If god exists or not I can not tell but while the big bang was going on, >I'd rather would like to refer to it as the great banging I could hear >voices saying: " Oh my god, oh oh ooohhhh. you're so bad! |