Question about a young friend who might have been misdiagnosed - need some answers
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From: Nom dePlume on 18 Mar 2007 16:28 "Health Concerns" <health742concerns(a)earthlink.net> wrote in message news:G8gLh.14196$Jl.4749(a)newsread3.news.pas.earthlink.net... > I have no leverage to help her get treatement, so I called her > father and mother and they share my concerns over her behavior, but > they don't seem to want to lay down the law with her - tell her to > stop drinking and going to bars, and associating with abusive > people, getting therapy and hanging out with people who can help her > to regain a postive outlook on life. > > So I wonder if anyone else has been in the same place my friend is > in now - and if you could share how you got out of it and regained a > healthy life? You have to start by wanting to get out of it. If you do, there are ways, but you have to start with wanting. Is it likely that she will? -- Nom dePlume, Ph.D. Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist. Guide to Medications for Mental Illness: http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/ =====
From: On the Road to Damascus on 18 Mar 2007 21:48 On Sun, 18 Mar 2007 19:10:30 GMT, Health Concerns <health742concerns(a)earthlink.net> wrote: >I am very worried about a young friend of mine. She is a 20 YO college >student who is very intelligent, well-spoken, and in many ways a super >achiever. If you looked at her resume of achievements, and if you hadn't >spent the last year with her and seen her do the things she had done, >you would never guess that she has so many problems. > >The only people who really know her more than I do are her parents and >one really close friend who goes to school in the mid-atlantic area >and doesn't have much time to spend with her nowadays. She claims that >none of her friends who left her hometown to go to college don't come >come back anymore. But that might not be totally true. > >She told me she had a very rough time in her senior year (2004-2005) of >high school and her freshman year of college Fall 2005 - Spring 2006. I >know her grades were not up to her usual standards her first semester, >and she apparently went out to many frat parties and drank with a fake ID. > >Things got a little better the spring of her freshman year grade wise, >and she didn't seem to be doing as much drinking. She wanted to >transfer to another school up North where she thought she would fit in, >but they didn't accept her because of her Fall semester grades. > >She got the rejection notice from the other school in the middle of a >6-week foreign study program in a country with a history of serious >depression and alcohol abuse. Her e-mails to me indicated she was out >at clubs every night and alcohol was sold everywhere (mixed drinks in >cans even sold in coffee shops and internet cafes). Once she got home, >she bragged how she was totally drunk the last two days of her stay, and >needed to be "poured" on the plane for the ride back to the US - and >they even had to confiscate some canned alcoholic beverages from her. > >She said more than once that she was or had been depressed, going to >therapy, and had been taking anti-depressants. I didn't find out that >she was taking Prozac until right before Christmas 2006. I then found >out there are risks for consuming anything other than moderate amounts >of alcohol when taking Prozac. > >I feel she is self-medicating with alcohol. She probably had 10 >different sex partners (including me) from her senior year in high >school until the end of her Freshman year. She had at least one old sex >partner this past summer but probably more. Then she had at least 7 >different sex partners this fall and spring semester (including me). >She would go out to bars two nights a week with her co-workers, and 3 >nights a week to meet guys. > >She would meet slightly older guys in bars who would buy her drinks, >dance with her, then take her back to her dorm room for sex. She became >a "bootie-call" girl - someone you didn't take out for a pleasant night >on the town - but you called up after you were done with your friends or >meeting other women you think you might have a chance for a long-term >relationship with. > >I didn't find out about that until late October of this year. Then I >had to cut out our sexual relations and I think she felt somewhat >rejected by that. But what was I supposed to do - continue to have >sexual relations with someone who didn't care about my health? > >She missed a great number of classes this past Fall Semester - a friend >of mine who was in her last class on MWF (2-3) said she missed 10 out of >45 sessions, and when she did show up she would often reak of tobacco >smoke and alcohol coming from out of her pores. She seemed to be >getting straightened out before the end of the Fall Semester, but what >she was really doing was changing her tactics. She set her sights on >either bartenders or bar owners to date and screw so she would have a >"house" bar to call her own - be able to go to it, dance and get drunk. > >Now I am a few years older than she is. But at least she and I >concocted a story to explain the times we spent together. She called me >her "uncle" since she did have family about 90 miles away. We were of >the same race - both white. The bar owner she is going out with now is >not. She defends her choice to date him as her friends in the small >college town would accept him over me because he lives here and had lots >of friends her age in town. On his MySpace page he has only comments >from white chicks, one of whom calls him a "pimpdaddy". > >That is because he is an alco-pimp - trying to make friends with tons of >young undergrads to come and spend money in his bar. If he can get >enough cute chicks to drink and act silly in the bar, he can make the >guys want to come there and spend money. But there is no way that her >friends in the dorms will accept her dating a short dumpy black man. I >don't accept the fact that this guy lies about his age, had been found >guilty of Assault and Battery (hit his own kid), beat his wife before he >divorced her, and then had to be sued for child support. On top of >that, his bar buddies are also scum - one was arrested and found guilty >of aiding and abetting in Assault with a Deadly weapon (held down a kid >while his friend shot him in the head). One of the danger signs of >someone who is manic or bi polar is if they date or have relationships >with abusive partners. Also common behavior for an alcoholic or addict. > >I care about her a great deal and it's very hard to walk away from >someone you have know and love and have felt that way about for over a >year. Yes - I said love. Not that I want to marry her. > >I feel she was might have been misdiagnosed with depression when she >might have been manic all along. Or that with no monitoring of her meds >and no therapy down here she might have slipped over into being manic or >bi-polar. The local college counselors seem to feel that she needs >serious help - intervention, a full evaluation including therapy, med >evaluation, testing for nutrition, seeing if her BC pills are playing a >part in her mental health condition, etc. > >I have no leverage to help her get treatement, so I called her father >and mother and they share my concerns over her behavior, but they don't >seem to want to lay down the law with her - tell her to stop drinking >and going to bars, and associating with abusive people, getting therapy >and hanging out with people who can help her to regain a postive outlook >on life. > >So I wonder if anyone else has been in the same place my friend is in >now - and if you could share how you got out of it and regained a >healthy life? Possible hypomanic behavior, but the major problem now is the drinking. And she won't stop until she is ready, until she has suffered enough pain and degradation. Sometimes an intervention helps, sometimes not. The most important thing you or anyone who cares about her can do...is DO NOT in anyway enable her. Don't do ANYTHING that will help her avoid the consequences of her behavior. That may sound cruel but that's the way it is. Putting a hot meal in her stomach is allowed...giving her money, or trying to intervene with a landlord ready to kick her out is not. Doesn't sound like she has a chance without AA.
From: On the Road to Damascus on 20 Mar 2007 05:10
On Tue, 20 Mar 2007 01:46:33 GMT, Usenet News Reader <usenet247reader(a)earthlink.net> wrote: >canadagirl wrote: >> Health Concerns wrote: >>> I am very worried about a young friend of mine. She is a 20 YO college >>> student who is very intelligent, well-spoken, and in many ways a super >>> achiever. If you looked at her resume of achievements, and if you hadn't >>> spent the last year with her and seen her do the things she had done, >>> you would never guess that she has so many problems. >>> >>> The only people who really know her more than I do are her parents and >>> one really close friend who goes to school in the mid-atlantic area >>> and doesn't have much time to spend with her nowadays. She claims that >>> none of her friends who left her hometown to go to college don't come >>> come back anymore. But that might not be totally true. >>> >>> She told me she had a very rough time in her senior year (2004-2005) >>> of high school and her freshman year of college Fall 2005 - Spring >>> 2006. I know her grades were not up to her usual standards her first >>> semester, and she apparently went out to many frat parties and drank >>> with a fake ID. >>> >>> Things got a little better the spring of her freshman year grade wise, >>> and she didn't seem to be doing as much drinking. She wanted to >>> transfer to another school up North where she thought she would fit >>> in, but they didn't accept her because of her Fall semester grades. >>> >>> She got the rejection notice from the other school in the middle of a >>> 6-week foreign study program in a country with a history of serious >>> depression and alcohol abuse. Her e-mails to me indicated she was out >>> at clubs every night and alcohol was sold everywhere (mixed drinks in >>> cans even sold in coffee shops and internet cafes). Once she got home, >>> she bragged how she was totally drunk the last two days of her stay, >>> and needed to be "poured" on the plane for the ride back to the US - >>> and they even had to confiscate some canned alcoholic beverages from her. >>> >>> She said more than once that she was or had been depressed, going to >>> therapy, and had been taking anti-depressants. I didn't find out that >>> she was taking Prozac until right before Christmas 2006. I then found >>> out there are risks for consuming anything other than moderate amounts >>> of alcohol when taking Prozac. >>> >>> I feel she is self-medicating with alcohol. She probably had 10 >>> different sex partners (including me) from her senior year in high >>> school until the end of her Freshman year. She had at least one old sex >>> partner this past summer but probably more. Then she had at least 7 >>> different sex partners this fall and spring semester (including me). >>> She would go out to bars two nights a week with her co-workers, and 3 >>> nights a week to meet guys. >>> >>> She would meet slightly older guys in bars who would buy her drinks, >>> dance with her, then take her back to her dorm room for sex. She >>> became a "bootie-call" girl - someone you didn't take out for a >>> pleasant night on the town - but you called up after you were done >>> with your friends or meeting other women you think you might have a >>> chance for a long-term relationship with. >>> >>> I didn't find out about that until late October of this year. Then I >>> had to cut out our sexual relations and I think she felt somewhat >>> rejected by that. But what was I supposed to do - continue to have >>> sexual relations with someone who didn't care about my health? >>> >>> She missed a great number of classes this past Fall Semester - a >>> friend of mine who was in her last class on MWF (2-3) said she missed >>> 10 out of 45 sessions, and when she did show up she would often reak >>> of tobacco smoke and alcohol coming from out of her pores. She seemed >>> to be getting straightened out before the end of the Fall Semester, >>> but what she was really doing was changing her tactics. She set her >>> sights on either bartenders or bar owners to date and screw so she >>> would have a "house" bar to call her own - be able to go to it, dance >>> and get drunk. >>> >>> Now I am a few years older than she is. But at least she and I >>> concocted a story to explain the times we spent together. She called >>> me her "uncle" since she did have family about 90 miles away. We were >>> of the same race - both white. The bar owner she is going out with >>> now is not. She defends her choice to date him as her friends in the >>> small college town would accept him over me because he lives here and >>> had lots of friends her age in town. On his MySpace page he has only >>> comments from white chicks, one of whom calls him a "pimpdaddy". >>> >>> That is because he is an alco-pimp - trying to make friends with tons >>> of young undergrads to come and spend money in his bar. If he can get >>> enough cute chicks to drink and act silly in the bar, he can make the >>> guys want to come there and spend money. But there is no way that her >>> friends in the dorms will accept her dating a short dumpy black man. >>> I don't accept the fact that this guy lies about his age, had been >>> found guilty of Assault and Battery (hit his own kid), beat his wife >>> before he divorced her, and then had to be sued for child support. On >>> top of that, his bar buddies are also scum - one was arrested and >>> found guilty of aiding and abetting in Assault with a Deadly weapon >>> (held down a kid while his friend shot him in the head). One of the >>> danger signs of someone who is manic or bi polar is if they date or >>> have relationships with abusive partners. >>> >>> I care about her a great deal and it's very hard to walk away from >>> someone you have know and love and have felt that way about for over a >>> year. Yes - I said love. Not that I want to marry her. >>> >>> I feel she was might have been misdiagnosed with depression when she >>> might have been manic all along. Or that with no monitoring of her >>> meds and no therapy down here she might have slipped over into being >>> manic or bi-polar. The local college counselors seem to feel that she >>> needs serious help - intervention, a full evaluation including >>> therapy, med evaluation, testing for nutrition, seeing if her BC pills >>> are playing a part in her mental health condition, etc. >>> >>> I have no leverage to help her get treatement, so I called her father >>> and mother and they share my concerns over her behavior, but they >>> don't seem to want to lay down the law with her - tell her to stop >>> drinking and going to bars, and associating with abusive people, >>> getting therapy and hanging out with people who can help her to regain >>> a postive outlook on life. >>> >>> So I wonder if anyone else has been in the same place my friend is in >>> now - and if you could share how you got out of it and regained a >>> healthy life? >>> >> I am 30 years old, and I can relate to what you've described, as most >> people with bipolar will be able to. >> >> She may have bipolar or she may have something else altogether >> different, or she may have a number of diagnosis'. >> >> I'm curious, what was her exact reaction when you cut off sexual >> interaction with her? You mentioned she seemed to feel a little rejected. > >She was rejected and felt like I didn't care about her anymore. She >didn't seem to understand that I care about myself and my own sexual >health even if she doesn't. If she wouldn't stop screwing around, I >wouldn't be screwing her anymore. I slept with her in the same bed - but >no sex. > >I first stopped screwing her in mid October 2006. She was screwing two >other guys then, but she stopped when one of them got a little antsy and >stopped calling her. > >These were guys who she met in bars who picked her up to get her drunk >and screw her. After she realized that they were sort of scummy, she >set her sites on bartenders and bar owners - the one guy in particular >she is screwing now is an abusive bar proprietor who has the history of >spousal and child abuse. And he knows she is underage and still gets >her drunk in his bar. So make a phone call. |