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From: Health Concerns on 18 Mar 2007 15:10
I am very worried about a young friend of mine. She is a 20 YO college
student who is very intelligent, well-spoken, and in many ways a super
achiever. If you looked at her resume of achievements, and if you hadn't
spent the last year with her and seen her do the things she had done,
you would never guess that she has so many problems.

The only people who really know her more than I do are her parents and
one really close friend who goes to school in the mid-atlantic area
and doesn't have much time to spend with her nowadays. She claims that
none of her friends who left her hometown to go to college don't come
come back anymore. But that might not be totally true.

She told me she had a very rough time in her senior year (2004-2005) of
high school and her freshman year of college Fall 2005 - Spring 2006. I
know her grades were not up to her usual standards her first semester,
and she apparently went out to many frat parties and drank with a fake ID.

Things got a little better the spring of her freshman year grade wise,
and she didn't seem to be doing as much drinking. She wanted to
transfer to another school up North where she thought she would fit in,
but they didn't accept her because of her Fall semester grades.

She got the rejection notice from the other school in the middle of a
6-week foreign study program in a country with a history of serious
depression and alcohol abuse. Her e-mails to me indicated she was out
at clubs every night and alcohol was sold everywhere (mixed drinks in
cans even sold in coffee shops and internet cafes). Once she got home,
she bragged how she was totally drunk the last two days of her stay, and
needed to be "poured" on the plane for the ride back to the US - and
they even had to confiscate some canned alcoholic beverages from her.

She said more than once that she was or had been depressed, going to
therapy, and had been taking anti-depressants. I didn't find out that
she was taking Prozac until right before Christmas 2006. I then found
out there are risks for consuming anything other than moderate amounts
of alcohol when taking Prozac.

I feel she is self-medicating with alcohol. She probably had 10
different sex partners (including me) from her senior year in high
school until the end of her Freshman year. She had at least one old sex
partner this past summer but probably more. Then she had at least 7
different sex partners this fall and spring semester (including me).
She would go out to bars two nights a week with her co-workers, and 3
nights a week to meet guys.

She would meet slightly older guys in bars who would buy her drinks,
dance with her, then take her back to her dorm room for sex. She became
a "bootie-call" girl - someone you didn't take out for a pleasant night
on the town - but you called up after you were done with your friends or
meeting other women you think you might have a chance for a long-term
relationship with.

I didn't find out about that until late October of this year. Then I
had to cut out our sexual relations and I think she felt somewhat
rejected by that. But what was I supposed to do - continue to have
sexual relations with someone who didn't care about my health?

She missed a great number of classes this past Fall Semester - a friend
of mine who was in her last class on MWF (2-3) said she missed 10 out of
45 sessions, and when she did show up she would often reak of tobacco
smoke and alcohol coming from out of her pores. She seemed to be
getting straightened out before the end of the Fall Semester, but what
she was really doing was changing her tactics. She set her sights on
either bartenders or bar owners to date and screw so she would have a
"house" bar to call her own - be able to go to it, dance and get drunk.

Now I am a few years older than she is. But at least she and I
concocted a story to explain the times we spent together. She called me
her "uncle" since she did have family about 90 miles away. We were of
the same race - both white. The bar owner she is going out with now is
not. She defends her choice to date him as her friends in the small
college town would accept him over me because he lives here and had lots
of friends her age in town. On his MySpace page he has only comments
from white chicks, one of whom calls him a "pimpdaddy".

That is because he is an alco-pimp - trying to make friends with tons of
young undergrads to come and spend money in his bar. If he can get
enough cute chicks to drink and act silly in the bar, he can make the
guys want to come there and spend money. But there is no way that her
friends in the dorms will accept her dating a short dumpy black man. I
don't accept the fact that this guy lies about his age, had been found
guilty of Assault and Battery (hit his own kid), beat his wife before he
divorced her, and then had to be sued for child support. On top of
that, his bar buddies are also scum - one was arrested and found guilty
of aiding and abetting in Assault with a Deadly weapon (held down a kid
while his friend shot him in the head). One of the danger signs of
someone who is manic or bi polar is if they date or have relationships
with abusive partners.

I care about her a great deal and it's very hard to walk away from
someone you have know and love and have felt that way about for over a
year. Yes - I said love. Not that I want to marry her.

I feel she was might have been misdiagnosed with depression when she
might have been manic all along. Or that with no monitoring of her meds
and no therapy down here she might have slipped over into being manic or
bi-polar. The local college counselors seem to feel that she needs
serious help - intervention, a full evaluation including therapy, med
evaluation, testing for nutrition, seeing if her BC pills are playing a
part in her mental health condition, etc.

I have no leverage to help her get treatement, so I called her father
and mother and they share my concerns over her behavior, but they don't
seem to want to lay down the law with her - tell her to stop drinking
and going to bars, and associating with abusive people, getting therapy
and hanging out with people who can help her to regain a postive outlook
on life.

So I wonder if anyone else has been in the same place my friend is in
now - and if you could share how you got out of it and regained a
healthy life?

From: gekkeHENKIE on 18 Mar 2007 21:07
wow.

Despite some other opinions offered here, I see a genuine concern with
a dear friend "gone wild". OP loves the girl. Girl aint ready for
commitment.

I do not directly see a connection with BP disorder. There may appear
some correlation between achievement/intelligence and BP, but it's
speculative at best. Unless you're manic and love to hear only 150+
people suffer the same.

Don't settle her down, but calming down may be in order.
pDoc would NOT be a waste of time nor money.

To OP: hope you are stable. loving a person with BP is very demanding.
If you can give the calm & absorb het turmoil. Wow. You must be god.
Allow the fun too... you're reaching sainthood.

If I were her, I'd love you for caring, and probably hate you for
cramping her style. If she'd be older she could appreciate it, and love
you for it.

She sounds like fun. Bright and lively brain.
You're in for a ride.

Stick it out.

rambling manic from Amsterdam.



--



Health Concerns wrote:

> I am very worried about a young friend of mine. She is a 20 YO
> college student who is very intelligent, well-spoken, and in many
> ways a super achiever. If you looked at her resume of achievements,
> and if you hadn't spent the last year with her and seen her do the
> things she had done, you would never guess that she has so many
> problems.
>
> The only people who really know her more than I do are her parents and
> one really close friend who goes to school in the mid-atlantic area
> and doesn't have much time to spend with her nowadays. She claims
> that none of her friends who left her hometown to go to college don't
> come come back anymore. But that might not be totally true.
>
> She told me she had a very rough time in her senior year (2004-2005)
> of high school and her freshman year of college Fall 2005 - Spring
> 2006. I know her grades were not up to her usual standards her first
> semester, and she apparently went out to many frat parties and drank
> with a fake ID.
>
> Things got a little better the spring of her freshman year grade
> wise, and she didn't seem to be doing as much drinking. She wanted
> to transfer to another school up North where she thought she would
> fit in, but they didn't accept her because of her Fall semester
> grades.
>
> She got the rejection notice from the other school in the middle of a
> 6-week foreign study program in a country with a history of serious
> depression and alcohol abuse. Her e-mails to me indicated she was
> out at clubs every night and alcohol was sold everywhere (mixed
> drinks in cans even sold in coffee shops and internet cafes). Once
> she got home, she bragged how she was totally drunk the last two days
> of her stay, and needed to be "poured" on the plane for the ride back
> to the US - and they even had to confiscate some canned alcoholic
> beverages from her.
>
> She said more than once that she was or had been depressed, going to
> therapy, and had been taking anti-depressants. I didn't find out
> that she was taking Prozac until right before Christmas 2006. I then
> found out there are risks for consuming anything other than moderate
> amounts of alcohol when taking Prozac.
>
> I feel she is self-medicating with alcohol. She probably had 10
> different sex partners (including me) from her senior year in high
> school until the end of her Freshman year. She had at least one old
> sex partner this past summer but probably more. Then she had at
> least 7 different sex partners this fall and spring semester
> (including me). She would go out to bars two nights a week with her
> co-workers, and 3 nights a week to meet guys.
>
> She would meet slightly older guys in bars who would buy her drinks,
> dance with her, then take her back to her dorm room for sex. She
> became a "bootie-call" girl - someone you didn't take out for a
> pleasant night on the town - but you called up after you were done
> with your friends or meeting other women you think you might have a
> chance for a long-term relationship with.
>
> I didn't find out about that until late October of this year. Then I
> had to cut out our sexual relations and I think she felt somewhat
> rejected by that. But what was I supposed to do - continue to have
> sexual relations with someone who didn't care about my health?
>
> She missed a great number of classes this past Fall Semester - a
> friend of mine who was in her last class on MWF (2-3) said she missed
> 10 out of 45 sessions, and when she did show up she would often reak
> of tobacco smoke and alcohol coming from out of her pores. She
> seemed to be getting straightened out before the end of the Fall
> Semester, but what she was really doing was changing her tactics.
> She set her sights on either bartenders or bar owners to date and
> screw so she would have a "house" bar to call her own - be able to go
> to it, dance and get drunk.
>
> Now I am a few years older than she is. But at least she and I
> concocted a story to explain the times we spent together. She called
> me her "uncle" since she did have family about 90 miles away. We
> were of the same race - both white. The bar owner she is going out
> with now is not. She defends her choice to date him as her friends
> in the small college town would accept him over me because he lives
> here and had lots of friends her age in town. On his MySpace page he
> has only comments from white chicks, one of whom calls him a
> "pimpdaddy".
>
> That is because he is an alco-pimp - trying to make friends with tons
> of young undergrads to come and spend money in his bar. If he can
> get enough cute chicks to drink and act silly in the bar, he can make
> the guys want to come there and spend money. But there is no way that
> her friends in the dorms will accept her dating a short dumpy black
> man. I don't accept the fact that this guy lies about his age, had
> been found guilty of Assault and Battery (hit his own kid), beat his
> wife before he divorced her, and then had to be sued for child
> support. On top of that, his bar buddies are also scum - one was
> arrested and found guilty of aiding and abetting in Assault with a
> Deadly weapon (held down a kid while his friend shot him in the
> head). One of the danger signs of someone who is manic or bi polar
> is if they date or have relationships with abusive partners.
>
> I care about her a great deal and it's very hard to walk away from
> someone you have know and love and have felt that way about for over
> a year. Yes - I said love. Not that I want to marry her.
>
> I feel she was might have been misdiagnosed with depression when she
> might have been manic all along. Or that with no monitoring of her
> meds and no therapy down here she might have slipped over into being
> manic or bi-polar. The local college counselors seem to feel that
> she needs serious help - intervention, a full evaluation including
> therapy, med evaluation, testing for nutrition, seeing if her BC
> pills are playing a part in her mental health condition, etc.
>
> I have no leverage to help her get treatement, so I called her father
> and mother and they share my concerns over her behavior, but they
> don't seem to want to lay down the law with her - tell her to stop
> drinking and going to bars, and associating with abusive people,
> getting therapy and hanging out with people who can help her to
> regain a postive outlook on life.
>
> So I wonder if anyone else has been in the same place my friend is in
> now - and if you could share how you got out of it and regained a
> healthy life?
 | 
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