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From: vauxall on 6 Feb 2007 09:09
On Feb 6, 11:08 am, Doug Laidlaw <laidl...(a)dougshost.invalid> wrote:
>
> I got it [depression] at 60.
>
> At 40, you tend to realize that you won't achieve all your dreams. That is
> a known problem for people liable to depression. I was O.K. until I quit
> work and lost my "reason for being here". My stuff has more to do with
> retirement, but the issue is the same. You need to see that there are
> alternatives to what you saw as important before. I was lucky: my wife
> stuck by me. You could always find a girlfriend

Can I? Who would want to share a minute with with an ageing
semisuicidal loser?

> but really, you need to
> regain your sense of worth first.

Doug, thanks for listening. I thought I'd have no replies and yours is
very deep.
I lost my sense of worth when I was 30. Then I have regained it, at
least partially. What my problem is now is not that I don't see myself
worth, but that I feel not adequate with the rest of the world. I
can't find anything to share with other people, let alone love...

I have this foolish idea, going back to the therapist that I quit 10
years ago. She was allright, but I felt betrayed when she went
suddenly on holiday. I thought: I depend entirely on you, how can you
abandon me now? The holiday lasted five weeks, when she was back I had
learned how to survive and I thought it was enough.

Now I live hundreds of miles away. I'd have to take a day off a week
and fly and it'd cost me a fortune, but she is the only person I'd
dare to speak to about my problems. I don't know what to do. Can I go
back to a therapist that I quit earlier? What if it fails?

>
> I have a Web site listing links for men with depression: see http://members.iinet.net.au/~tomlai1/links.htm I can particularly
> recommendhttp://www.maledepression.com/or its sister site in Irelandhttp://www.theblackdog.net/

Thank for your links, but maledepression.com's rss feeds are broken.

Vauxall


From: Doug Laidlaw on 6 Feb 2007 20:04
vauxall wrote:

> On Feb 6, 11:08 am, Doug Laidlaw <laidl...(a)dougshost.invalid> wrote:
>>
>> I got it [depression] at 60.
>>
>> At 40, you tend to realize that you won't achieve all your dreams. That
>> is
>> a known problem for people liable to depression. I was O.K. until I quit
>> work and lost my "reason for being here". My stuff has more to do with
>> retirement, but the issue is the same. You need to see that there are
>> alternatives to what you saw as important before. I was lucky: my wife
>> stuck by me. You could always find a girlfriend
>
> Can I? Who would want to share a minute with with an ageing
> semisuicidal loser?
>
Exactly. You need to stop seeing yourself as an "ageing semisuicidal loser."
You need to see that you still have something to offer the world.
Something to offer a girlfriend. Buckminster Fuller lost everything and
contemplated suicide. Then he realized that having no family or company to
limit him was an asset, not a liability. It left him free to follow his
dream, which as I understand it, was to be a full-time inventor. His
inventions have revolutionised industry. Even the "geodesic dome" - the
dome made out of triangles that is often a playground climbing frame. It
has found a lot of uses in industry.
>> but really, you need to
>> regain your sense of worth first.
>
> Doug, thanks for listening. I thought I'd have no replies and yours is
> very deep.
> I lost my sense of worth when I was 30. Then I have regained it, at
> least partially. What my problem is now is not that I don't see myself
> worth, but that I feel not adequate with the rest of the world. I
> can't find anything to share with other people, let alone love...
>
> I have this foolish idea, going back to the therapist that I quit 10
> years ago. She was allright, but I felt betrayed when she went
> suddenly on holiday. I thought: I depend entirely on you, how can you
> abandon me now? The holiday lasted five weeks, when she was back I had
> learned how to survive and I thought it was enough.
>
> Now I live hundreds of miles away. I'd have to take a day off a week
> and fly and it'd cost me a fortune, but she is the only person I'd
> dare to speak to about my problems. I don't know what to do. Can I go
> back to a therapist that I quit earlier? What if it fails?
>
Find one locally.
>>
>> I have a Web site listing links for men with depression: see
>> http://members.iinet.net.au/~tomlai1/links.htm I can particularly
>> recommendhttp://www.maledepression.com/or its sister site in
>> Irelandhttp://www.theblackdog.net/
>
> Thank for your links, but maledepression.com's rss feeds are broken.
>
> Vauxall

Feeling abandoned by your therapist is a grieving-type reaction. People
feel the same about a partner on whom they depend too much.

Don't stick with the rss feeds: they are too passive. Find a site you like,
even this one, and post. Maledepression.com was hacked a while back, but
AFAIK, it is all O.K. now. It is the work of one man - a lawyer like
myself, who himself suffers from depression. It is a real example of what
a depressed person can achieve. Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill both
suffered from depression, but achieved greatly nevertheless. It was
Churchill who thought up the phrase "the black dog", yet his humour fills
volumes. Most of the sites have forums. Get into one of those. You will
feel less alone, which is the message of the following article. It is
short so I am setting it out in full.

"BEATING DEPRESSION AFTER RETIREMENT
Many of us equate the word “retirement” with relaxation, holidays and
sleeping late. But for some, it can be the start of depression.
Depression after retirement is a common problem. Many people, especially
those who have invested a lot in their careers and neglected other areas of
their lives, suddenly feel emptiness and despair when they retire.
People whose sense of self esteem and worth is dependent on the work they do
are particularly at risk. They may feel that they have lost their purpose
for living, that they are worthless and do not have a role to play in
society.
For people who are frequently in the spotlight, the problem may be more
complicated. They often don't realize the impact of attention and
admiration on their sense of self worth. To be deprived of that can easily
lead to feelings of rejection and emptiness.
Men appear to be more at risk as they are still regarded by many as primary
breadwinners and their status in society is still measured to a great
extent by their income and success.
Even though women have become more career orientated, many do not face a
similar risk as their time is also occupied by other responsibilities such
as raising a family and running the household.
How can you prevent depression after retirement?
Lead a balanced lifestyle and cultivate interests outside of work.
Don't wait until retirement to plan what to do with your time. Plan ahead.
Prevent isolation by getting involved in activities where you can socialise
and meet people with the same interests or in a similar position.
If you are worried that you may be suffering from depression, seek help as
soon as possible."

Doug.
--
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
- Albert Einstein

From: vauxall on 8 Feb 2007 09:00
On Feb 7, 1:04 am, Doug Laidlaw <laidl...(a)dougshost.invalid> wrote:
> vauxall wrote:
> You need to stop seeing yourself as an "ageing semisuicidal loser."

Not easy...

> Maledepression.com was hacked a while back, but
> AFAIK, it is all O.K. now. It is the work of one man - a lawyer like
> myself, who himself suffers from depression. It is a real example of what
> a depressed person can achieve. Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill both
> suffered from depression, but achieved greatly nevertheless. It was
> Churchill who thought up the phrase "the black dog", yet his humour fills
> volumes. Most of the sites have forums. Get into one of those.

I have registered to maledepression.com forum but now it won't
recognize my password.
I've asked for a password change and it hasn't arrived yet. Many
little quirks that don't help...

Vauxall

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