People who I suppose mean well, but just really twist that knife...
in [Divorce]
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From: Barbara Sz. on 23 Apr 2006 22:50 I got asked that question again last Thursday. "Are you seeing anyone?" Actually, I got asked a similar question again on Friday. The simple answer is "no, I'm not". But why does that exchange stir up such a firestorm of emotions? On the one hand, I feel irritated. It's none of anyone's business, really, whether I am or am not dating. But the irritation is more than that. It's also irritation that I feel ... guilty? ... that I'm not. Or that I don't even really want to. I'm also ticked off because I don't really see that I have the opportunity to do so, even if I do want to. No one asks, so I don't go out. I've never really been that girl or woman that is on a guy's list of ideals. Not even in my teens and 20s. I had some 4 long-term relationships (several months, @3 years, 18 months, almost 20 years, including over 17 married). I think I was asked out by 3-4 other guys in high school and college in between. Like I said, not exactly on most guys' list of attractions for whatever reason. (Like I've told you all before, I've got you all snowed thinking I'm so nice and pleasant. In real life I usually have to grow on folks, like a fungus.) Then I feel really minimized, miniscule, and down and depressed for some period of time after that question is asked and answered. And I relive that feeling of inadequacy, not being wanted or whatever, that the divorce itself instilled. In between, could be weeks, months, I'm ... ok, I guess. It's not what I would envision for a life. When my son isn't with me for awhile, say a week, it gets ... lonely, I guess. But it's not miserable or unendurable. Except after these question episodes. I've had an awful weekend when I've been home. Thank goodness I had a symphony ticket last night and sat in between some interesting people, one of whom had a few acquaintances in common with me. I don't find my life to be that different from what it used to be, except for the unending monotony of being by myself that gets to me sometimes. Anyone have any suggestions as to how to head off the really deep crevasse I seem to put myself in anytime someone asks me that question? -- Barbara Sz.
From: Rog' on 23 Apr 2006 23:28 "Barbara Sz." <szalkow(a)stcl.edu> wrote: >I got asked that question again last Thursday. "Are you seeing >anyone?" Actually, I got asked a similar question again on Friday. > The simple answer is "no, I'm not". > But why does that exchange stir up such a firestorm of emotions? It should be possible to say, "I don't want to discuss that issue, right now." But its really a question about where you want to go and what you're willing to do to get there. If you like your life the way it is, you should feel comfortable saying, "No, I'm not and I'm fine with that." As for me, I knew instinctively that I wanted a LT relationship and so, got back in the game and marketed myself for such. Getting married again was an unintended consequence, but at least I was honest with what I wanted and understood that it would not fall into my lap. =R= put myself on the market, I'd probably be a hermit, instead of married, again.
From: Rog' on 23 Apr 2006 23:33 Corrected: ~~~~~~~ "Rog'" <rcblinnNoSpam(a)bellsouth.net> wrote: > ... at least I was honest with what I wanted and understood that it > would not fall into my lap. _Had I not_ put myself on the market, > I'd probably be a hermit, instead of married, again. =R=
From: kato on 24 Apr 2006 01:47 "Rog'" <rcblinnNoSpam(a)bellsouth.net> wrote in message news:4GX2g.8329$t61.6826(a)bignews6.bellsouth.net... > Corrected: > ~~~~~~~ > "Rog'" <rcblinnNoSpam(a)bellsouth.net> wrote: > > ... at least I was honest with what I wanted and understood that it > > would not fall into my lap. _Had I not_ put myself on the market, > > I'd probably be a hermit, instead of married, again. =R= Mrs.Brown, You've Got a Lovely Daughter.
From: _mL_ on 24 Apr 2006 01:55
"Barbara Sz." <szalkow(a)stcl.edu> wrote: >I got asked that question again last Thursday. "Are you seeing anyone?" >Actually, I got asked a similar question again on Friday. > >The simple answer is "no, I'm not". Reply with "yes, i see lots of people... everywhere i go it seems all i have to do is look around and i see them. I see *you* right now, as a matter of fact!" |