Overweight Child
in [Weight Watchers]
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From: Lisa M on 30 Dec 2005 10:20 Hi--I'm new to the group. Here's some background and some questions... My new stepdaughter is 13 and weighs in at about 145 at 5'3". She doesn't care about her weight, and refuses to join Weight Watchers (I'm on it and have about 5lbs to lose at this point.) She sneaks food constantly, and when she's at her mother's house, she eats the same fattening junk her obese mother eats. We'll be getting her to do more physical activity, but that has been a challenge since all she wants to do is sit around & watch TV (or read, thankfully!) Now, exercise will take priority over any other activities outside of school--even if she has to give up some of the extracurricular activities she's used to doing. My quandary: How do I get this kid to care about the way she looks and DO something about losing weight? (We were considering making her go to WW, but that will be a waste if she's not following it and sneaking food.) I believe that if we don't put her on some sort of program, she will continue to gain. I realize that much of her eating is emotional, and we're working on that issue. At this point, I'm interested in crisis management, since I believe her current trend is of crisis proportions. I was an overweight kid, and I know how miserable that was, in addition to how it lays the groundwork to a lifetime of weight management issues. Any advice would be appreciated!
From: Gary G on 30 Dec 2005 10:59 Well...I was also an overweight child...I started in the mid fifties as "husky"...My parents tried everything imaginable to help...Always loving but my weight was my constant companion...Although I was overweight I never reached the weights or girth I see on many children today...My brother has a morbidly obese son(god I hate That term) and their approach has been to do nothing...He will grow out of it they say...Well to be honest,...I don't believe their is much that anyone can do to change someone unless they want to do it...No one loses weight or quits smoking unless they have decided for whatever reason to change...But I do believe that parents need to try and continue to do whatever it takes to keep the ideas about change active...I have asked myself many times if there was anything that made a difference?...I think the only thing they accomplished was to make me aware of my size and to at least dress without covering everything in untucked clothing to not show my size and in addition kept me from becoming even bigger...I still fight my weight and for the first time I'm on weightwatchers...I guess I have no answers...One would think that in 50 years we would have this one licked...I see these fat camps spouting up and maybe with group support with other children there is hope...I think I would have tried that...Sorry to ramble...GG "Lisa M" <lisa(a)lmdesigns.com> wrote in message news:1135956052.213097.41130(a)g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com... > Hi--I'm new to the group. Here's some background and some questions... > > My new stepdaughter is 13 and weighs in at about 145 at 5'3". She > doesn't care about her weight, and refuses to join Weight Watchers (I'm > on it and have about 5lbs to lose at this point.) She sneaks food > constantly, and when she's at her mother's house, she eats the same > fattening junk her obese mother eats. > > We'll be getting her to do more physical activity, but that has been a > challenge since all she wants to do is sit around & watch TV (or read, > thankfully!) Now, exercise will take priority over any other > activities outside of school--even if she has to give up some of the > extracurricular activities she's used to doing. > > My quandary: How do I get this kid to care about the way she looks and > DO something about losing weight? (We were considering making her go > to WW, but that will be a waste if she's not following it and > sneaking food.) I believe that if we don't put her on some sort of > program, she will continue to gain. > > I realize that much of her eating is emotional, and we're working on > that issue. At this point, I'm interested in crisis management, > since I believe her current trend is of crisis proportions. I was an > overweight kid, and I know how miserable that was, in addition to how > it lays the groundwork to a lifetime of weight management issues. > > Any advice would be appreciated! >
From: Jangchub on 30 Dec 2005 13:35 If it were me, I'd find a Certified Eating Disorder Counselor and make sure this person has an M.S.W. C.E.D.C. and nip it in the bud immediately. She may be doing other behaviors of purging, etc. which you do not know about. If I could make one suggestion, stop calling her mother obese or using negative terms to describe how she eats. Regardless, that is her mother and coming from a broken home I can tell you that a step parent who is in any way disrespectful to the other absent parent is one of the most cutting and haunting things I recall as a child. On 30 Dec 2005 07:20:52 -0800, "Lisa M" <lisa(a)lmdesigns.com> wrote: >Hi--I'm new to the group. Here's some background and some questions... > >My new stepdaughter is 13 and weighs in at about 145 at 5'3". She >doesn't care about her weight, and refuses to join Weight Watchers (I'm >on it and have about 5lbs to lose at this point.) She sneaks food >constantly, and when she's at her mother's house, she eats the same >fattening junk her obese mother eats. > >We'll be getting her to do more physical activity, but that has been a >challenge since all she wants to do is sit around & watch TV (or read, >thankfully!) Now, exercise will take priority over any other >activities outside of school--even if she has to give up some of the >extracurricular activities she's used to doing. > >My quandary: How do I get this kid to care about the way she looks and >DO something about losing weight? (We were considering making her go >to WW, but that will be a waste if she's not following it and >sneaking food.) I believe that if we don't put her on some sort of >program, she will continue to gain. > >I realize that much of her eating is emotional, and we're working on >that issue. At this point, I'm interested in crisis management, >since I believe her current trend is of crisis proportions. I was an >overweight kid, and I know how miserable that was, in addition to how >it lays the groundwork to a lifetime of weight management issues. > >Any advice would be appreciated!
From: Tayra on 30 Dec 2005 14:21 In article <1135956052.213097.41130(a)g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com>, "Lisa M" <lisa(a)lmdesigns.com> wrote: > My quandary: How do I get this kid to care about the way she looks and > DO something about losing weight? (We were considering making her go > to WW, but that will be a waste if she's not following it and > sneaking food.) I believe that if we don't put her on some sort of > program, she will continue to gain. > > I realize that much of her eating is emotional, and we're working on > that issue. At this point, I'm interested in crisis management, > since I believe her current trend is of crisis proportions. I was an > overweight kid, and I know how miserable that was, in addition to how > it lays the groundwork to a lifetime of weight management issues. > > Any advice would be appreciated! If she doesn't *want* to, there's nothing you can do. Really. I speak from personal experience. My mother, when I was a kid (starting about age 8 and lasting until about age 16), kept putting me on whatever fad diet was going around the office that week, because she said I needed to lose a few pounds so that when I went to the doctor, he wouldn't say I was overweight. Now, I'll grant that *is* a stupid reason, but my thought was 'that's stupid, I don't think there's anything wrong with myself, I like the way I am'. So, every diet she'd put me on, I'd throw the healthy food out the window (literally: I chipped the paint off a window that'd been painted over so I could dump the nasty food out there) and sneak other food. The harder she tried to make me diet, the worse the food I'd sneak would be for me. Early on, when it was just slimfast stuff, I might sneak peanut butter. When she got hardcore with those diets where you have a cleansing week, eating nothing but prune juice and iceberg lettuce (seriously), I'd start sneaking cake icing, large chunks of chocolate, even going so far as to make up boxes of brownie mix and eat those raw. The more the diet sucked, and the less it was like the way I wanted to eat, the more drastically I countered it, and the harder I rebelled against any form of exercise. Come to think of it, I stopped playing in the yard about the time she started enforcing things on me. I did *not* want to be on those diets. My stepmother's approach was better (interesting note here: another poster said not to disparage the child's biological mother, but this may or may not matter: disparaging mine actually knocked a bit of sense into me). She said look, this fad diet stuff is stupid, but so is overeating just to make up for it. She told me quite openly that whenever I was over at her house, she'd make healthy, delicious food (which she did), and she'd let me have as much of it as I wanted (she'd rather see me gorge myself on spinach lasagna than chocolate bars). She told me that my mother's way of eating was extremely unhealthy, especially for a girl my age, but that she wasn't going to force things on me. And being treated like an adult and left to my own choices made a world of difference to me. I still ate more than I should, but I was eating healthier stuff, and I never felt the urge to sneak food at her house. A lot of the binging/purging people do, the emotional eating, is a control issue. They can't control the world around them, so they control the food. Giving the girl some control will go a fair ways to getting her to eat better. This isn't to say it'll stop the emotional binging entirely, of course; it's just the gateway to it. Before she can counter the emotional eating (note I keep saying 'she': she's the only one who can do it, not you, or her mother, or her father, or anybody else; *her*), she'll have to sit down and realize *why* she's doing it, and she'll have to feel in control of her own life and her own choices before she can do that. So. Give the girl control, give her some choices, treat her like an adult. Don't force anything on her. Once she gets used to the idea that she affects her own life, she'll be more open to suggestions of exercise and healthy eating. Just don't start big or you'll scare her off. And then down the road, perhaps you or someone else can have a talk with her about why she eats when she's upset/angry/depressed/whatever, and how the food doesn't actually fix the problem, it's just a distraction. If she likes reading, books can be a *much* more satisfying distraction than food. You can't just turn her around and all of a sudden she's eating healthy and caring about it. It'll take a while, and she may gain more weight in that time. The good news is, she's young and her metabolism can be easily roused, so she'll have an easier time losing it than I'm having, at 28. Hard as it is, you have to let her make her own choices, even if you see her driving herself into the ground. You can't do it for her, much as you might want to. The best thing to do is give her the tools she needs, and let her make the decision herself. Once she does that (and she will, eventually), all the walls will fall away. Until then.. you just wait, and make sure she knows you're always there, willing to provide good food and sensible advice. Good luck. -Tay
From: Jangchub on 30 Dec 2005 14:48
On Fri, 30 Dec 2005 13:21:38 -0600, spamaddress(a)hotmail.com (Tayra) wrote: >If she doesn't *want* to, there's nothing you can do. Really. I speak >from personal experience. My mother, when I was a kid (starting about age >8 and lasting until about age 16), kept putting me on whatever fad diet >was going around the office that week, because she said I needed to lose a >few pounds so that when I went to the doctor, he wouldn't say I was >overweight. Now, I'll grant that *is* a stupid reason, but my thought was >'that's stupid, I don't think there's anything wrong with myself, I like >the way I am'. So, every diet she'd put me on, I'd throw the healthy food >out the window (literally: I chipped the paint off a window that'd been >painted over so I could dump the nasty food out there) and sneak other >food. The harder she tried to make me diet, the worse the food I'd sneak >would be for me. Early on, when it was just slimfast stuff, I might sneak >peanut butter. When she got hardcore with those diets where you have a >cleansing week, eating nothing but prune juice and iceberg lettuce >(seriously), I'd start sneaking cake icing, large chunks of chocolate, >even going so far as to make up boxes of brownie mix and eat those raw. >The more the diet sucked, and the less it was like the way I wanted to >eat, the more drastically I countered it, and the harder I rebelled >against any form of exercise. Come to think of it, I stopped playing in >the yard about the time she started enforcing things on me. I did *not* >want to be on those diets. > >My stepmother's approach was better (interesting note here: another poster >said not to disparage the child's biological mother, but this may or may >not matter: disparaging mine actually knocked a bit of sense into me). >She said look, this fad diet stuff is stupid, but so is overeating just to >make up for it. She told me quite openly that whenever I was over at her >house, she'd make healthy, delicious food (which she did), and she'd let >me have as much of it as I wanted (she'd rather see me gorge myself on >spinach lasagna than chocolate bars). She told me that my mother's way of >eating was extremely unhealthy, especially for a girl my age, but that she >wasn't going to force things on me. And being treated like an adult and >left to my own choices made a world of difference to me. I still ate more >than I should, but I was eating healthier stuff, and I never felt the urge >to sneak food at her house. > >A lot of the binging/purging people do, the emotional eating, is a control >issue. They can't control the world around them, so they control the >food. Giving the girl some control will go a fair ways to getting her to >eat better. This isn't to say it'll stop the emotional binging entirely, >of course; it's just the gateway to it. Before she can counter the >emotional eating (note I keep saying 'she': she's the only one who can do >it, not you, or her mother, or her father, or anybody else; *her*), she'll >have to sit down and realize *why* she's doing it, and she'll have to feel >in control of her own life and her own choices before she can do that. > >So. Give the girl control, give her some choices, treat her like an >adult. Don't force anything on her. Once she gets used to the idea that >she affects her own life, she'll be more open to suggestions of exercise >and healthy eating. Just don't start big or you'll scare her off. And >then down the road, perhaps you or someone else can have a talk with her >about why she eats when she's upset/angry/depressed/whatever, and how the >food doesn't actually fix the problem, it's just a distraction. If she >likes reading, books can be a *much* more satisfying distraction than >food. > >You can't just turn her around and all of a sudden she's eating healthy >and caring about it. It'll take a while, and she may gain more weight in >that time. The good news is, she's young and her metabolism can be easily >roused, so she'll have an easier time losing it than I'm having, at 28. >Hard as it is, you have to let her make her own choices, even if you see >her driving herself into the ground. You can't do it for her, much as you >might want to. The best thing to do is give her the tools she needs, and >let her make the decision herself. Once she does that (and she will, >eventually), all the walls will fall away. Until then.. you just wait, >and make sure she knows you're always there, willing to provide good food >and sensible advice. > >Good luck. >-Tay |