Overweight Child
in [Weight Watchers]
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From: Lisa M on 2 Jan 2006 16:10 I'm not sure what's going on with her as far as her body image. When she got busted sneaking the left over Halloween candy in her father's closet that she snooped to find, she claimed that she's not concerned with her weight "right now" and that it is her "right" to have that candy that she worked hard to get ("work" = trick-or-treating). Of course, he should have dumped it months ago...But I found it interesting that she said that she doesn't care about that "right now". She's wanted "belly shirts" in the past, and thinks nothing of putting on the shortest skort for school (which has since been tossed.) Part of my dilemma is that she SAYS she doesn't care, and acts like she doesn't care. Her particular peer group don't seem very interested in make-up, clothes or weight. The reality is that her father and I give her nurturing, which we do in many ways. I just can't support watching the kid abuse her body and demand that we support this by handing over the garbage she would rather eat than the healthy food I'm trying hard to get these kids to even try. We've graduated to spinach salads, which even though it takes the kids a long time to get into them at the dinner table, we are getting that food into them. I've gotten them to try a couple of new things which have become part of their food vocabulary. "Core" turkey stew is another one of these things, which I love. And believe me, this has been and continues to be a struggle...getting them to even try something new. I think I'm forcing the issue because of how painful it was to be an overweight kid myself, and how I need to work hard to maintain a healthy weight for myself. Honestly, I believe that part of the struggle to lose weight is for people to cultivate a positive self image that was so sorely lacking as kids grew up into overweight adults, along with learning new eating habits. In concert with giving her the emotional support she needs, I do believe that offering a positive role model and better choices is the way to go. Don't we all need that??
From: Jangchub on 2 Jan 2006 16:17 On 2 Jan 2006 12:00:24 -0800, "Lisa M" <lisa(a)lmdesigns.com> wrote: >Your points are well taken, and appreciated. Thank you. Unlike you, I >wanted to lose weight when I was younger. I felt like an outcast as an >overweight child. When I became a young adult, I took charge and >changed my life----and I resented my mother for not giving the whole >family better options when it came to food and exercise. Do you still resent your mother? >I don't think I'm trying to make the kid feel shame though. I >don't do that. I'm trying to impress upon her the importance of a >healthy diet, making the right food choices and the value of physical >activity. I have told her that she needs to pay attention to these >issues, so that moving forward she won't have to struggle with her >weight her whole life. "The kid?" Wow, I'm feeling the love. SHE IS TWELVE YEARS OLD! Why not just give her a break? Does she live with you or her fat slob mother? Isn't this really what it's about? >And to be completely honest, I do find it horrendous that the kid >can't do simple, sustained physical activity that she should do with >ease as a young teenager. I'm sorry, but a kid that age shouldn't >have a rotund belly that sticks out over her pants. I do find it >extremely unattractive----I do admit that. Kids are not supposed to be >like that. I don't expect the kid to have steel abs, but I would >like to see her more healthy. To me, healthy means going light on >sugar, fat, etc. Your body just plain feels better when you put good >things in it and when you are physically active. Once you get used to >that end of things, when you put bad things in your body and neglect >physical activity, your demeanor is not as good. You need sensitivity training and some therapy. Your resentment is obvious and I think you are dangerous to this child, or kid, as you so lovingly call her. Her father should tell you to mind your business. >My work out schedule is not obsessive. I get regular work-outs doing >strenuous activities, which is not obsessive. That's what you're >supposed to do to keep in shape and have a healthy heart. Get physical >activity at least 3 times per week. Is it hard? Of course it is, with >the rest of life being so busy. But this is an investment in the >bodies that are supposed to last us for decades. My mind is clearer, >my attitude is better and it helps in managing stress. My grandmother never excersized a day in her life and she is 97. >All I'm looking to "treat" at this point is getting the kid to do >physical activity 3 times a week, getting all the junk food out of the >house and strongly encouraging the consumption of fruits & veggies, and >foods prepared in a healthy way in healthy portions--the way WW >suggests. Nothing wrong with that-----but it takes work and sometimes >it takes more than just a subtle suggestion. You are not subtle. You are going to be the cause of an eating disorder. Is that what you want? That poor child.
From: Lisa M on 2 Jan 2006 16:22 Dad is an avid cyclist, and the kids have joined him in that at times. Personally, I'm not convinced this is the best physical activity for girls that age, since it takes more than just tooling around the block to have some affect. The little one (10 year old), Dad and I bought a belly dancing DVD. The three of us did it in the den, and we had a great time! The older one wanted no part of it, which I think is partially due to my involvement, her kid sister's involvement and the fact that she thinks that now that she's 13 she gets to be a princess (which she has mentioned specifically a number of times.) I like the idea of healthier snacks, but I'm against any of the artificial sweeteners in anything. If I look, I'm sure I can find some WW core recipes that offer good dessert options without too much artificial ingredients. Thanks for the suggestions. I have a question...I'm seeing lots of posts mentioning unconditional love & giving love. Would anyone care to expand on this? (The kids' mother for the most part abandoned them, and MY father left us at an early age-which coincided with my childhood weight-gain...) I'd like to hear other peoples' accounts on how they believe parental love or spousal love plays into our eating behaviors.
From: ahmward on 2 Jan 2006 17:03 "Lisa M" <lisa(a)lmdesigns.com> wrote in message news:1136236945.919021.13820(a)g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com... > Dad is an avid cyclist, and the kids have joined him in that at times. > Personally, I'm not convinced this is the best physical activity for > girls that age, since it takes more than just tooling around the block > to have some affect. The little one (10 year old), Dad and I bought a > belly dancing DVD. The three of us did it in the den, and we had a > great time! The older one wanted no part of it, which I think is > partially due to my involvement, her kid sister's involvement and the > fact that she thinks that now that she's 13 she gets to be a princess > (which she has mentioned specifically a number of times.) > > I like the idea of healthier snacks, but I'm against any of the > artificial sweeteners in anything. If I look, I'm sure I can find > some WW core recipes that offer good dessert options without too much > artificial ingredients. > > Thanks for the suggestions. > > I have a question...I'm seeing lots of posts mentioning unconditional > love & giving love. Would anyone care to expand on this? (The kids' > mother for the most part abandoned them, and MY father left us at an > early age-which coincided with my childhood weight-gain...) I'd > like to hear other peoples' accounts on how they believe parental > love or spousal love plays into our eating behaviors. Lisa, the cycling is awesome especially since it is an activity she'll do with her father. Put aside your views on it. If I were a teen, you would never ever see me belly dancing with the family. Perhaps I would behind the locked door in my bedroom.Yes, she is a princess at thirteen and hopefully she will enjoy ever minute of her pre-teen years and not hate them as most kids do. They mostly all think they are fat and ugly no matter what. I was a high school counselor and still teach high school kids and those pre-teen years are horrible. Riding a bike with her dad and other siblings is a lot easier than belly dancing with the family. Trust me. I've used artificail sweetners for 46 years and I am just fine :) Audrey
From: Lisa M on 2 Jan 2006 17:20
Jangchub wrote: > On 2 Jan 2006 12:00:24 -0800, "Lisa M" <lisa(a)lmdesigns.com> wrote: > > >Your points are well taken, and appreciated. Thank you. Unlike you, I > >wanted to lose weight when I was younger. I felt like an outcast as an > >overweight child. When I became a young adult, I took charge and > >changed my life----and I resented my mother for not giving the whole > >family better options when it came to food and exercise. > > Do you still resent your mother? No--but I'm starting to resent you. Do you have anything at all positive to add to the discussion? > > >I don't think I'm trying to make the kid feel shame though. I > >don't do that. I'm trying to impress upon her the importance of a > >healthy diet, making the right food choices and the value of physical > >activity. I have told her that she needs to pay attention to these > >issues, so that moving forward she won't have to struggle with her > >weight her whole life. > > "The kid?" Wow, I'm feeling the love. > SHE IS TWELVE YEARS OLD! > Why not just give her a break? Does she live with you or her fat slob > mother? Isn't this really what it's about? No--this is about healthy weight management. "Kid", "child" --what's the difference? I'm not getting anything positive out of what you're saying here. > > >And to be completely honest, I do find it horrendous that the kid > >can't do simple, sustained physical activity that she should do with > >ease as a young teenager. I'm sorry, but a kid that age shouldn't > >have a rotund belly that sticks out over her pants. I do find it > >extremely unattractive----I do admit that. Kids are not supposed to be > >like that. I don't expect the kid to have steel abs, but I would > >like to see her more healthy. To me, healthy means going light on > >sugar, fat, etc. Your body just plain feels better when you put good > >things in it and when you are physically active. Once you get used to > >that end of things, when you put bad things in your body and neglect > >physical activity, your demeanor is not as good. > > You need sensitivity training and some therapy. Your resentment is > obvious and I think you are dangerous to this child, or kid, as you so > lovingly call her. Her father should tell you to mind your business. > > >My work out schedule is not obsessive. I get regular work-outs doing > >strenuous activities, which is not obsessive. That's what you're > >supposed to do to keep in shape and have a healthy heart. Get physical > >activity at least 3 times per week. Is it hard? Of course it is, with > >the rest of life being so busy. But this is an investment in the > >bodies that are supposed to last us for decades. My mind is clearer, > >my attitude is better and it helps in managing stress. > > My grandmother never excersized a day in her life and she is 97. And your point is? > > >All I'm looking to "treat" at this point is getting the kid to do > >physical activity 3 times a week, getting all the junk food out of the > >house and strongly encouraging the consumption of fruits & veggies, and > >foods prepared in a healthy way in healthy portions--the way WW > >suggests. Nothing wrong with that-----but it takes work and sometimes > >it takes more than just a subtle suggestion. > > You are not subtle. You are going to be the cause of an eating > disorder. Is that what you want? That poor child. You're very negative. |