Overweight Child
in [Weight Watchers]
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From: Jangchub on 30 Dec 2005 19:03 On Fri, 30 Dec 2005 14:33:39 -0600, spamaddress(a)hotmail.com (Tayra) wrote: >Well, I'm not sure why me having weighed 415lbs has anything to do with >whether or not I'd see overeating as a mental illness, because I'm one of >the most mentally healthy people I know, (snip) ding ding ding ding By the age of 27 you weighed 415 pounds and you can say with a straight face that you are one of the most healthy people you know? Okay. I'll move on now.
From: Jangchub on 30 Dec 2005 19:06 On Fri, 30 Dec 2005 14:38:42 -0800, "ahmward" <nospam.ahmward(a)yahoo.com> wrote: >http://tinyurl.com/7ozvj This school is near where I live and the rate >of success has been quite good. Chilhood obesity is an extremely >serious health problem and it needs to be addressed as soon as possible. >Work with your pediatrician or family doctor to help this child. Those >here who are or have been morbidly obese will agree that they wish >someone had helped them with their eating disorders/weight problems when >they were younger. It is never too early to start. Absolutely right. This is a serious illness and particularly with peer pressure and jeans that show pubic hair, I see way too many fat girls wearing these clothes who look horrible. It's not the weight of a child which makes me concerned, it's the fact that sneaking food has become an issue and her mother, who is obese, is being thrown up to her as if...never mind. A child who is heavy, sneaking food has a problem. >I tutored a high school boy for three years and during the last two >years he lost close to thirty pounds making better food choices, playing >basketball and getting other forms of exercise. His mother and aunt >were supportive of his weight loss and I stopped bringing sweets for >after school, switching instead to fruit. He was a happy high school >graduate. > >Audrey How wonderful of you! Support is a key factor and making someone feel worse than they already feel is never helpful.
From: kmd on 31 Dec 2005 09:53 On 30 Dec 2005 07:20:52 -0800, "Lisa M" <lisa(a)lmdesigns.com> wrote: >Hi--I'm new to the group. Here's some background and some questions... > >My new stepdaughter is 13 and weighs in at about 145 at 5'3". She >doesn't care about her weight, and refuses to join Weight Watchers (I'm >on it and have about 5lbs to lose at this point.) She sneaks food >constantly, and when she's at her mother's house, she eats the same >fattening junk her obese mother eats. Ouch. You are exactly the wrong person to work with your stepdaughter about anything involving eating, exercise, psychological or emotional reasons for eating. Find the part in your own heart that just loves your stepdaughter, that loves her no matter what she looks like, no matter what she eats or doesn't eat, and discipline yourself to showing her that love and only that love. It will be a discipline for you, just as much as restricting food is for you and would be for her. But it's a necessary discipline. If, after a full year of showing only love and support and not a single word, gesture or action that judges or attempts to control her eating, you find that she is *asking* you for help or advice about food and exercise, then and only then should you offer it. Love first, judge second. Love first, judge second. Love first, judge second. -- Kristen 343/250/142
From: Michael Sullivan on 31 Dec 2005 13:47 Lisa M <lisa(a)lmdesigns.com> wrote: > Hi--I'm new to the group. Here's some background and some questions... > My new stepdaughter is 13 and weighs in at about 145 at 5'3". She > doesn't care about her weight, and refuses to join Weight Watchers (I'm > on it and have about 5lbs to lose at this point.) She sneaks food > constantly, and when she's at her mother's house, she eats the same > fattening junk her obese mother eats. > We'll be getting her to do more physical activity, but that has been a > challenge since all she wants to do is sit around & watch TV (or read, > thankfully!) Now, exercise will take priority over any other > activities outside of school--even if she has to give up some of the > extracurricular activities she's used to doing. > My quandary: How do I get this kid to care about the way she looks and > DO something about losing weight? You don't. She almost certainly *does* care about the way she looks. *Everyone* cares about that in some fashion or other. People make different choices what to *do* about that. Let's be clear about one thing. Her weight of 145 at 5'3" is not obese. It's a few pounds above the "medically ideal" range for an adult of that height, but if you go to sites that actually take their responsibilities seriously, you'll note that they don't offer this recommendation for children. One reason is that until someone is fully grown, doctors don't really have a great handle on everything their body should be doing. It may be that she is due for a growth spurt and her body is preparing for that. Sneaking food is a potential issue, but if you are being a food nazi about what she can eat because you don't like the way she looks (and that's a given from the way you describe the situation), she may merely be having the sane response to an insane situation. Normal people eat candy. Normal people watch tv a lot. I'm obviously can't tell you that your step-daughter's sneaking food couldn't be something she and you should be concerned about, but neither should you assume that it is without a lot more information. If you've never given any indication that you don't approve of her eating habits, I'd be much more concerned, because then she would be sneaking, not because it's the only way she can do something she wants to do, but because she is ashamed to do it where others can see. Exercise, for most people, by the way, is about as boring as watching paint dry. The only times I've ever been successful at exercising regularly is when there is some game or activity I am into that has activity as a natural component. Exercising in the sense of doing particular tasks to build muscles or heart is something I've only ever been interested in doing in the service of one of those things. I did strength training because it made me play racquetball better. Now that I'm playing softball, I'll probably get back into it for similar reasons. You aren't going to persuade her to do anything unless you can think like she does and understand what she actually desires. That's even if she is *open* to such persuasion, which if you've been pushing her already about what she eats and does, she will almost certainly not be. You probably have to back off for a while (like a year or more) for her to trust you enough to listen. And when that happens, consider what you are saying from her perspective. Do not labor under the impression that she doesn't know she is overweight and that lots of people think she should be thinner. She is a 13 year old girl. She knows. Everything in her universe (including other girls, movies, magazines, etc.) is telling her she is "supposed" to be thin as a stick. Thinner than is probably healthy for her. Most 13 year old girls who *aren't* overweight, *think* they are. She doesn't need your help with that. Think about the messages that you are sending when you talk to her about what she eats or that she is gaining weight. Not just "I care about you and want you to be healthy and happy" which I know is the primary message you *intend*, but also "You aren't healthy", "You don't look good", "You have no self-control". Among others. There's just a huge raft of negative messages that get recieved when you try to attack someone's food or weight problem unsolicited, and they tend to exacerbate the problem when there is one, and possibly even *create* it if there isn't. Remember, right now, your step-daughter is barely overweight. Lots of people eat all kinds of junk and don't get fat. Don't give her more hang-ups than she already has. One of the keys to the success of weight-watchers and other intelligent programs is that there's no guilt bullshit for enjoying things that are fattening. That way lies madness. The key is to moderate them, by understanding how many points they involve and only eating them to the extent that the enjoyment is worth the calories. Diets that treat it as if you make a pact with the devil every time you chomp a brownie are destined to fail and fail hard as soon as someone either reaches their goal or breaks from the strain. That's where yo-yos come from. Really, seriously, be on the alert about adding a load of guilt on your daughter about food. Given how parents and children tend to be about guilt, it may well be best not to broach the subject at all. You might want to be completely oblique about it. If she has an emotional problem with food, a counselor will help. If there are any other symptoms of such (depression, etc.), you might encourage her to see someone about those. A competent counselor will almost certainly identify food issues if there are some. Michael
From: kmd on 31 Dec 2005 14:15
On Fri, 30 Dec 2005 14:33:39 -0600, spamaddress(a)hotmail.com (Tayra) wrote: [...] >There's a good rebuttal question for you: is a female age 25, 6' tall, >140lbs who eats emotionally and unhealthily and yet is doing quite well >both physically and nutritionally according to her physician in just as >much need of a shrink as the 13yr-old 145lb 5'3" stepdaughter? If the >answer is no, then your premise is in trouble. I think I'd say that the question has a false premise in the heart of it. If someone is eating emotionally and unhealthily, then they by definition are not doing quite well physically and nutritionally. But I think I understand your challenge to the "145 lbs omigosh get a shrink" paradigm. I have a sister who is a recovering anorexic, and most people look at her and think "wow! she looks great!" It took a looooonnng time before any doctor was willing to question her nutrition. When they did she had already done significant damage to her heart. Whereas anyone who walks into a doctor's office looking the slightest bit overweight will have the 3rd degree immediately. Here, eat this, here, go to this exercise program, here, take this pill for depression, here, see this shrink. And of course a 13 year old at 145 lbs is nowhere near morbidly obese and I'd agree that she doesn't need a shrink just because she weighs 145 lbs or even just because she sneaks food. But. Barring (extremely rare) genetic conditions, I'd argue that every morbidly obese person is struggling with emotional and psychological issues that are at least as difficult to acknowledge and work through as any bad eating/exercise habits are. A person doesn't willingly handicap themselves that severerly and subject themselves to the greatest scorn and ridicule this society can muster on a lark. -- Kristen 343/250/142 |