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From: penquinlove on 31 Mar 2007 04:50
Hi, I don't know if this can help anyone here. I am new to this
group. My name is Dorothy. It has been 6 years since I lost my 24
year old son. Some days it feels like yesterday. Some days are
fine. But life will never be the same. That is the one thing I
know. I have lost both my parents, a very close friend, a counselor,
a co-worker as well. But people tell you it gets better. It really
doesn't. It just gets different. You incorporate the severe loss
into your life story. But some of what you are saying, not wanting to
bond with people, avoiding people and family, some of that is still
with me. There are comforts out there. I decided I would go one 10
minute interval at a time. And then I found myself going one hour at
a time.

I hope this helps some of you.

Dorothy

From: Cindy's Mom on 31 Mar 2007 08:28
On Mar 31, 2:50 am, penquinl...(a)hotmail.com wrote:
> Hi, I don't know if this can help anyone here. I am new to this
> group. My name is Dorothy. It has been 6 years since I lost my 24
> year old son. Some days it feels like yesterday. Some days are
> fine. But life will never be the same. That is the one thing I
> know. I have lost both my parents, a very close friend, a counselor,
> a co-worker as well. But people tell you it gets better. It really
> doesn't. It just gets different. You incorporate the severe loss
> into your life story. But some of what you are saying, not wanting to
> bond with people, avoiding people and family, some of that is still
> with me. There are comforts out there. I decided I would go one 10
> minute interval at a time. And then I found myself going one hour at
> a time.
>
> I hope this helps some of you.
>
> Dorothy

Dorthy, thanks for the insights. I do know that their is a big
difference between lossing someone and acutally grieving for them. My
daughter died on October 25,2006 and this is the most difficult thing
I have ever gone through. She was 38 years old and it was a sudden
death. Gretchen Jackson, the owner of Barbaro said"Grief is the price
we pay for Love." That quote has stuck with me because it is so true .
We miss our loved ones so much because our love was was so great. Some
people feel the loss, but they do not feel the total devistation we
are feeling. I know that I will never be the same without my daughter
and best friend. The best I can hope for is what you have achieved,
living in intervals without them. Thank you for sharing. Judy, Cindy's
Mom

From: smudgedrose on 31 Mar 2007 09:30
Thanks for sharing Dorothy. I am so sorry for your loss. That feels
like such a trivial thing to say as I type it, but I do relate and
feel for you. I haven't lost a child...'knock on wood'...and I cannot
imagine the pain and loss that it must feel like, no matter how long
ago it happened. Yes, I too am having a hard time connecting with
anyone right now, let alone be around anyone, including my family, but
coming here and reading your stories is a start I think. What Cindy
said is so true, that some people feel loss and pain but somehow are
able to move on, able to cope and function, able to go on in their day
to day life. Devastation is what others seem to feel though to
different degrees, lasting a lifetime for some. If grief is the price
we pay for love, that is what makes me feel that I don't want to
connect to people. That price feels like it is just too high any
more. With each loss in life the pain just compounds, it's not like I
get over one loss then I can deal with another one down the line.
Does anyone else feel like that, that with each loss it just gets
harder and more painful? Thanks for your thoughts and suggestion
about the 10 minute interval, coping in intervals. Right now I am
still struggling with coping minute to minute, I just hope that I can
get to that 10 minutes at some point.

Rose

From: BC on 2 Apr 2007 02:03
On Mar 31, 8:30 am, smudgedr...(a)gmail.com wrote:
> Thanks for sharing Dorothy. I am so sorry for your loss. That feels
> like such a trivial thing to say as I type it, but I do relate and
> feel for you. I haven't lost a child...'knock on wood'...and I cannot
> imagine the pain and loss that it must feel like, no matter how long
> ago it happened. Yes, I too am having a hard time connecting with
> anyone right now, let alone be around anyone, including my family, but
> coming here and reading your stories is a start I think. What Cindy
> said is so true, that some people feel loss and pain but somehow are
> able to move on, able to cope and function, able to go on in their day
> to day life. Devastation is what others seem to feel though to
> different degrees, lasting a lifetime for some. If grief is the price
> we pay for love, that is what makes me feel that I don't want to
> connect to people. That price feels like it is just too high any
> more. With each loss in life the pain just compounds, it's not like I
> get over one loss then I can deal with another one down the line.
> Does anyone else feel like that, that with each loss it just gets
> harder and more painful? Thanks for your thoughts and suggestion
> about the 10 minute interval, coping in intervals. Right now I am
> still struggling with coping minute to minute, I just hope that I can
> get to that 10 minutes at some point.
>
> Rose

Hi dorothy & rose,

Your experiences, as hard as they are, are helpful to me. I lost my
mom last summer after a divorce
shortly before that. I cant imagine ever "getting over" this and its
helpful to hear others saying
you dont get over it but your life changes and you try to life with
it.I too dont want to be around
other people very much, sometimes not at all.
A few days after losing my mom I called my ex wife to tell her and
since she had lost both parents I thought
she might have a few words of wisdom. All she said is you will never
get over it, you just live with it. I didnt understand
what she was saying at the time. After going to a few grief group
meetings, reading this groups letters and a few books
on grief, I understand better. What an education this has been, part
of life I suppose. But thanks for your posts,
theyre very helpful Bob

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