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From: Kathleen on 5 May 2008 09:00
When my daughter got to that point, I just encouraged her as much as
possible to get out of the house. Lovingly of course. I constantly
reminded her that she could make her own rules in her own house, etc. She
spent the summer having fun and not saving her money, and got a case of cold
feet but by then we were arguing so much I all but kicked her out of the
house. I found some options on Craigslist and she interviewed with homes
and the 2nd one was a winner, and the place where she lives now with a group
of roommates in a beautiful historic home and no one is ever home alone
(that's a good thing, for her). I had to help out the first month, and one
other month she called and needed help with rent, but she got 2 jobs and is
self sufficient.

Whooohoooo! I hated that last 4 months of arguing! I was mad at her all
summer for one thing or another, mostly just petty little things that
mattered to me.
With hope and heart,
Kathleen

PS. The military is an option here too.



"Zipadee" <phonefantable(a)yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:82e8df2d-bb7c-4007-88c9-adc47f5576ac(a)e53g2000hsa.googlegroups.com...
> My DS, a high school senior, has become pretty awful to live with.
> Outside of home, people think he's this wonderful, responsible kid. At
> home, he thinks he should get whatever he wants without having to
> contribute.
>
> I've been divorced since 1995 and get along well with my ex. Though
> prior to this year, DS went back and forth between our houses, this
> year he chose to stay with me and see his dad weekly. Recently he got
> tired of my insisting he get his schoolwork done (how evil of me!) and
> wanted to live with his dad (and dad's fiancee and her 2 kids). He
> mostly won't even talk to me.
>
> The fiancee and I get along wonderfully. Apparently he is being at
> least as unpleasant over there. My ex is somewhat of a wimp and
> doesn't impose consequences and seems to believe that DS should mostly
> get what he wants. The fiancee and I have very similar parenting
> styles so now DS is causing problems between my ex and his fiancee.
> Because they're currently in an apartment, they don't really have room
> for DS so my ex brings him back to my house to sleep and DS leaves in
> the morning without talking to me, if he can.
>
> At the moment, plans call for him to be away for about 5 weeks this
> summer, in the middle. We really don't want him lying around for the
> month beforehand and the month after yet I don't think one can get a
> summer job knowing they'll leave for a month in the middle. Anyone got
> any suggestions?
>
> What does it take for a selfish, inconsiderate, teenager to GROW UP
> besides just time? I didn't think I raised him this way, he's always
> had chores to do at my house - nothing new there - and I don't give
> him money for every little thing he wants so what happened to him?
> He seems to believe that "I want it" is a good enough reason for him
> to be given whatever he wants. He does not have a car nor will we buy
> him one, but he seems to think he should have the use of one whenever
> he would like.
>
> He recently started seeing a therapist for various reasons (I didn't
> discuss everything going on with him or this would be too long).
> Presumably he isn't showing the selfish side to the therapist. As he's
> 18, the therapist can't talk to us, his parents, but I'll probably
> call before his next appointment and leave a message for the therapist
> about my perspective of what's going on and I think SM2B will too.
>
> Suggestions anyone? For the selfishness or for a summer activity?
>
> -- Zip

From: Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe on 5 May 2008 13:20
On May 5, 8:00 am, "Kathleen" <lovebirds1...(a)hotmail.com> wrote:
> When my daughter got to that point, I just encouraged her as much as
> possible to get out of the house.  Lovingly of course.  I constantly
> reminded her that she could make her own rules in her own house, etc.  She
> spent the summer having fun and not saving her money, and got a case of cold
> feet but by then we were arguing so much I all but kicked her out of the
> house.  I found some options on Craigslist and she interviewed with homes
> and the 2nd one was a winner, and the place where she lives now with a group
> of roommates in a beautiful historic home and no one is ever home alone
> (that's a good thing, for her).  I had to help out the first month, and one
> other month she called and needed help with rent, but she got 2 jobs and is
> self sufficient.
>
> Whooohoooo!  I hated that last 4 months of arguing!  I was mad at her all
> summer for one thing or another, mostly just petty little things that
> mattered to me.
> With hope and heart,
> Kathleen
>
> PS.  The military is an option here too.
>


LOL... that reminds me of when OS wanted out on his own. Told him
that if he'd make at least an 85% on his graduation test, I'd write
his diploma and help him find a place to live. He made a 92%, and I
found him a house and co-signed his lease.

Kitten
From: Jsteam on 6 May 2008 16:02

How wonderful to hear a success story these days, Kathleen! Keep up the good work.



Kathleen <lovebirds1201(a)hotmail.com> penned.wrote.stated:
: When my daughter got to that point, I just encouraged her as much as
: possible to get out of the house. Lovingly of course. I constantly
: reminded her that she could make her own rules in her own house, etc. She
: spent the summer having fun and not saving her money, and got a case of cold
: feet but by then we were arguing so much I all but kicked her out of the
: house. I found some options on Craigslist and she interviewed with homes
: and the 2nd one was a winner, and the place where she lives now with a group
: of roommates in a beautiful historic home and no one is ever home alone
: (that's a good thing, for her). I had to help out the first month, and one
: other month she called and needed help with rent, but she got 2 jobs and is
: self sufficient.

: Whooohoooo! I hated that last 4 months of arguing! I was mad at her all
: summer for one thing or another, mostly just petty little things that
: mattered to me.
: With hope and heart,
: Kathleen

: PS. The military is an option here too.



: "Zipadee" <phonefantable(a)yahoo.com> wrote in message
: news:82e8df2d-bb7c-4007-88c9-adc47f5576ac(a)e53g2000hsa.googlegroups.com...
:> My DS, a high school senior, has become pretty awful to live with.
:> Outside of home, people think he's this wonderful, responsible kid. At
:> home, he thinks he should get whatever he wants without having to
:> contribute.
:>
:> I've been divorced since 1995 and get along well with my ex. Though
:> prior to this year, DS went back and forth between our houses, this
:> year he chose to stay with me and see his dad weekly. Recently he got
:> tired of my insisting he get his schoolwork done (how evil of me!) and
:> wanted to live with his dad (and dad's fiancee and her 2 kids). He
:> mostly won't even talk to me.
:>
:> The fiancee and I get along wonderfully. Apparently he is being at
:> least as unpleasant over there. My ex is somewhat of a wimp and
:> doesn't impose consequences and seems to believe that DS should mostly
:> get what he wants. The fiancee and I have very similar parenting
:> styles so now DS is causing problems between my ex and his fiancee.
:> Because they're currently in an apartment, they don't really have room
:> for DS so my ex brings him back to my house to sleep and DS leaves in
:> the morning without talking to me, if he can.
:>
:> At the moment, plans call for him to be away for about 5 weeks this
:> summer, in the middle. We really don't want him lying around for the
:> month beforehand and the month after yet I don't think one can get a
:> summer job knowing they'll leave for a month in the middle. Anyone got
:> any suggestions?
:>
:> What does it take for a selfish, inconsiderate, teenager to GROW UP
:> besides just time? I didn't think I raised him this way, he's always
:> had chores to do at my house - nothing new there - and I don't give
:> him money for every little thing he wants so what happened to him?
:> He seems to believe that "I want it" is a good enough reason for him
:> to be given whatever he wants. He does not have a car nor will we buy
:> him one, but he seems to think he should have the use of one whenever
:> he would like.
:>
:> He recently started seeing a therapist for various reasons (I didn't
:> discuss everything going on with him or this would be too long).
:> Presumably he isn't showing the selfish side to the therapist. As he's
:> 18, the therapist can't talk to us, his parents, but I'll probably
:> call before his next appointment and leave a message for the therapist
:> about my perspective of what's going on and I think SM2B will too.
:>
:> Suggestions anyone? For the selfishness or for a summer activity?
:>
:> -- Zip

From: Kathleen on 7 May 2008 00:48
Thank you! I just do my best, and try to "get the love across".
With hope and heart,
Kathleen

"Jsteam" <fftNIEH(a)main.com> wrote in message
news:fvqdhf$769$1(a)joe.rice.edu...
>
> How wonderful to hear a success story these days, Kathleen! Keep up the
> good work.
>
>
>
> Kathleen <lovebirds1201(a)hotmail.com> penned.wrote.stated:
> : When my daughter got to that point, I just encouraged her as much as
> : possible to get out of the house. Lovingly of course. I constantly
> : reminded her that she could make her own rules in her own house, etc.
> She
> : spent the summer having fun and not saving her money, and got a case of
> cold
> : feet but by then we were arguing so much I all but kicked her out of the
> : house. I found some options on Craigslist and she interviewed with
> homes
> : and the 2nd one was a winner, and the place where she lives now with a
> group
> : of roommates in a beautiful historic home and no one is ever home alone
> : (that's a good thing, for her). I had to help out the first month, and
> one
> : other month she called and needed help with rent, but she got 2 jobs and
> is
> : self sufficient.
>
> : Whooohoooo! I hated that last 4 months of arguing! I was mad at her
> all
> : summer for one thing or another, mostly just petty little things that
> : mattered to me.
> : With hope and heart,
> : Kathleen
>
> : PS. The military is an option here too.
>
>
>
> : "Zipadee" <phonefantable(a)yahoo.com> wrote in message
> :
> news:82e8df2d-bb7c-4007-88c9-adc47f5576ac(a)e53g2000hsa.googlegroups.com...
> :> My DS, a high school senior, has become pretty awful to live with.
> :> Outside of home, people think he's this wonderful, responsible kid. At
> :> home, he thinks he should get whatever he wants without having to
> :> contribute.
> :>
> :> I've been divorced since 1995 and get along well with my ex. Though
> :> prior to this year, DS went back and forth between our houses, this
> :> year he chose to stay with me and see his dad weekly. Recently he got
> :> tired of my insisting he get his schoolwork done (how evil of me!) and
> :> wanted to live with his dad (and dad's fiancee and her 2 kids). He
> :> mostly won't even talk to me.
> :>
> :> The fiancee and I get along wonderfully. Apparently he is being at
> :> least as unpleasant over there. My ex is somewhat of a wimp and
> :> doesn't impose consequences and seems to believe that DS should mostly
> :> get what he wants. The fiancee and I have very similar parenting
> :> styles so now DS is causing problems between my ex and his fiancee.
> :> Because they're currently in an apartment, they don't really have room
> :> for DS so my ex brings him back to my house to sleep and DS leaves in
> :> the morning without talking to me, if he can.
> :>
> :> At the moment, plans call for him to be away for about 5 weeks this
> :> summer, in the middle. We really don't want him lying around for the
> :> month beforehand and the month after yet I don't think one can get a
> :> summer job knowing they'll leave for a month in the middle. Anyone got
> :> any suggestions?
> :>
> :> What does it take for a selfish, inconsiderate, teenager to GROW UP
> :> besides just time? I didn't think I raised him this way, he's always
> :> had chores to do at my house - nothing new there - and I don't give
> :> him money for every little thing he wants so what happened to him?
> :> He seems to believe that "I want it" is a good enough reason for him
> :> to be given whatever he wants. He does not have a car nor will we buy
> :> him one, but he seems to think he should have the use of one whenever
> :> he would like.
> :>
> :> He recently started seeing a therapist for various reasons (I didn't
> :> discuss everything going on with him or this would be too long).
> :> Presumably he isn't showing the selfish side to the therapist. As he's
> :> 18, the therapist can't talk to us, his parents, but I'll probably
> :> call before his next appointment and leave a message for the therapist
> :> about my perspective of what's going on and I think SM2B will too.
> :>
> :> Suggestions anyone? For the selfishness or for a summer activity?
> :>
> :> -- Zip
>

From: Kathleen on 7 May 2008 00:48
Way to go Kitten!! lol
With hope and heart,
Kathleen



LOL... that reminds me of when OS wanted out on his own. Told him
that if he'd make at least an 85% on his graduation test, I'd write
his diploma and help him find a place to live. He made a 92%, and I
found him a house and co-signed his lease.

Kitten
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