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From: Lisa Mc on 18 Jan 2008 13:02
My mother in law is dying. I am hurting so bad, I can hardly
breathe. She and I are so close. She survived breast cancer 2 years
ago. About 6 months ago, she started complaining that she was having
a hard time breathing. She's been going to the dr regularly. None of
us thought "cancer". I guess we just figured her doctors were
following up on that. My husband, 15 month old son and I went to her
house for New Years. My husband went to a friends house down the
street and after our son went to sleep, her and I had an amazing
evening of talking. Maybe she knew the end is near.... I don't know.
But on the 3rd we got the call that she was in the emergency room. We
saw her that night. She looked the same as she always does. A little
tired and of course, an oxygen mask, but none worse for the wear
elsewise. We were cracking jokes about how poorly Hillary had done in
Iowa. (She's an ardent republican, I'm a democrat). The next day she
went on life support and now everyone's talking about "palliative
care". What? She just made us home-made soup on New Years' eve?

There's just no way to suck this up and swallow it. It's too soon.
She's leaving too soon and I am feeling more anguish than I know how
to articulate. I feel like I'm choking on it. Sometimes it hurts just
to breathe. It's like the misery just grabs ahold of my throat and I
can't breathe. Can't breathe. Can't believe this is happening. Can't
believe this kind of sadness exists.
From: Daniel on 18 Jan 2008 15:15
On Fri, 18 Jan 2008 10:02:08 -0800 (PST), Lisa Mc
<lisalisamomeesa(a)hotmail.com> wrote:

>My mother in law is dying. I am hurting so bad, I can hardly
>breathe. She and I are so close. She survived breast cancer 2 years
>ago. About 6 months ago, she started complaining that she was having
>a hard time breathing. She's been going to the dr regularly. None of
>us thought "cancer". I guess we just figured her doctors were
>following up on that. My husband, 15 month old son and I went to her
>house for New Years. My husband went to a friends house down the
>street and after our son went to sleep, her and I had an amazing
>evening of talking. Maybe she knew the end is near.... I don't know.
>But on the 3rd we got the call that she was in the emergency room. We
>saw her that night. She looked the same as she always does. A little
>tired and of course, an oxygen mask, but none worse for the wear
>elsewise. We were cracking jokes about how poorly Hillary had done in
>Iowa. (She's an ardent republican, I'm a democrat). The next day she
>went on life support and now everyone's talking about "palliative
>care". What? She just made us home-made soup on New Years' eve?
>
>There's just no way to suck this up and swallow it. It's too soon.
>She's leaving too soon and I am feeling more anguish than I know how
>to articulate. I feel like I'm choking on it. Sometimes it hurts just
>to breathe. It's like the misery just grabs ahold of my throat and I
>can't breathe. Can't breathe. Can't believe this is happening. Can't
>believe this kind of sadness exists.

Oh, Lisa. I am so sorry about your mother-in-law. Yes it is too
soon. Sometimes the cancer is there silently for so long and then it
comes out in ambush and takes someone we love. My father's
soft-tissue cancer went just a few months from diagnosis to his
passing (in September 2005). And now looking back I feel blessed to
have had even that much time. There wasn't even time to get Hospice
set up.

If you have questions about the disease or treatment, the good people
at alt.support.cancer can help.

You are being hit with a challenge you didn't ask for and that nothing
has prepared you for. Our society would rather forget the dying and
those who care for them -- and would much rather forget death
altogether. I hope this group can be a help for you through whatever
happens.

Peace,
--
Daniel ( deltaechomike(a)usa.net )
From: Liliana on 19 Jan 2008 09:32
On Jan 18, 1:02 pm, Lisa Mc <lisalisamome...(a)hotmail.com> wrote:
> My mother in law is dying.  I am hurting so bad, I can hardly
> breathe.  She and I are so close.  She survived breast cancer 2 years
> ago.  About 6 months ago, she started complaining that she was having
> a hard time breathing.  She's been going to the dr regularly.  None of
> us thought "cancer".  I guess we just figured her doctors were
> following up on that.  My husband, 15 month old son and I went to her
> house for New Years.  My husband went to a friends house down the
> street and after our son went to sleep, her and I had an amazing
> evening of talking.  Maybe she knew the end is near.... I don't know.
> But on the 3rd we got the call that she was in the emergency room.  We
> saw her that night.  She looked the same as she always does.  A little
> tired and of course, an oxygen mask, but none worse for the wear
> elsewise.  We were cracking jokes about how poorly Hillary had done in
> Iowa. (She's an ardent republican, I'm a democrat).  The next day she
> went on life support and now everyone's talking about "palliative
> care".    What?  She just made us home-made soup on New Years' eve?
>
> There's just no way to suck this up and swallow it. It's too soon.
> She's leaving too soon and I am feeling more anguish than I know how
> to articulate. I feel like I'm choking on it. Sometimes it hurts just
> to breathe. It's like the misery just grabs ahold of my throat and I
> can't breathe. Can't breathe. Can't believe this is happening.  Can't
> believe this kind of sadness exists.

I am sorry to hear about your mother in law. It is wonderful that you
have such a good relationship with her. Keep strong for everyone. I
wish that no one had to experience the pain of losing someone they
loved. When I lost my son I realized what it meant when people said
they had "a heavy heart" It truly is a physcial pain, like you
describe a sense of choking, heaviness. Take care and know everything
you are feeling is normal and natural. Like I say to some people, if
someone did not react the way you are reacting and feeling....... then
something is wrong... somewhere.
From: john.orthwein on 19 Jan 2008 20:57
Lisa, sorry for such grief in your life. You may want to take this
time, if your mother-in-law is able to communicate, to ask her what
she would like for you to do once she is gone. That could be in
regards to her final resting place (maybe she would like a special
type of plant or flower planted for her). Maybe she would like you to
do something in her name. I am mentioning this because I believe when
someone is gone, it is helpful to be able to focus on activities that
you are doing for that person. I know my mind is constantly asking
what I can or should do for my daughter. I did not have a chance to
ask her since she died suddenly but I find spending my time on things
that I believe I am doing for her is time that I spend most at peace.




On Jan 18, 1:02 pm, Lisa Mc <lisalisamome...(a)hotmail.com> wrote:
> My mother in law is dying.  I am hurting so bad, I can hardly
> breathe.  She and I are so close.  She survived breast cancer 2 years
> ago.  About 6 months ago, she started complaining that she was having
> a hard time breathing.  She's been going to the dr regularly.  None of
> us thought "cancer".  I guess we just figured her doctors were
> following up on that.  My husband, 15 month old son and I went to her
> house for New Years.  My husband went to a friends house down the
> street and after our son went to sleep, her and I had an amazing
> evening of talking.  Maybe she knew the end is near.... I don't know.
> But on the 3rd we got the call that she was in the emergency room.  We
> saw her that night.  She looked the same as she always does.  A little
> tired and of course, an oxygen mask, but none worse for the wear
> elsewise.  We were cracking jokes about how poorly Hillary had done in
> Iowa. (She's an ardent republican, I'm a democrat).  The next day she
> went on life support and now everyone's talking about "palliative
> care".    What?  She just made us home-made soup on New Years' eve?
>
> There's just no way to suck this up and swallow it. It's too soon.
> She's leaving too soon and I am feeling more anguish than I know how
> to articulate. I feel like I'm choking on it. Sometimes it hurts just
> to breathe. It's like the misery just grabs ahold of my throat and I
> can't breathe. Can't breathe. Can't believe this is happening.  Can't
> believe this kind of sadness exists.

From: daisy on 19 Jan 2008 23:22
john.orthwein(a)gmail.com wrote:
> Lisa, sorry for such grief in your life. You may want to take this
> time, if your mother-in-law is able to communicate, to ask her what
> she would like for you to do once she is gone. That could be in
> regards to her final resting place (maybe she would like a special
> type of plant or flower planted for her). Maybe she would like you to
> do something in her name. I am mentioning this because I believe when
> someone is gone, it is helpful to be able to focus on activities that
> you are doing for that person. I know my mind is constantly asking
> what I can or should do for my daughter. I did not have a chance to
> ask her since she died suddenly but I find spending my time on things
> that I believe I am doing for her is time that I spend most at peace.
>
>
>
>
> On Jan 18, 1:02 pm, Lisa Mc <lisalisamome...(a)hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>>My mother in law is dying. I am hurting so bad, I can hardly
>>breathe. She and I are so close. She survived breast cancer 2 years
>>ago. About 6 months ago, she started complaining that she was having
>>a hard time breathing. She's been going to the dr regularly. None of
>>us thought "cancer". I guess we just figured her doctors were
>>following up on that. My husband, 15 month old son and I went to her
>>house for New Years. My husband went to a friends house down the
>>street and after our son went to sleep, her and I had an amazing
>>evening of talking. Maybe she knew the end is near.... I don't know.
>>But on the 3rd we got the call that she was in the emergency room. We
>>saw her that night. She looked the same as she always does. A little
>>tired and of course, an oxygen mask, but none worse for the wear
>>elsewise. We were cracking jokes about how poorly Hillary had done in
>>Iowa. (She's an ardent republican, I'm a democrat). The next day she
>>went on life support and now everyone's talking about "palliative
>>care". What? She just made us home-made soup on New Years' eve?
>>
>>There's just no way to suck this up and swallow it. It's too soon.
>>She's leaving too soon and I am feeling more anguish than I know how
>>to articulate. I feel like I'm choking on it. Sometimes it hurts just
>>to breathe. It's like the misery just grabs ahold of my throat and I
>>can't breathe. Can't breathe. Can't believe this is happening. Can't
>>believe this kind of sadness exists.
>
>
What John said is so true....I too did not get to say goodbye to my son
since he passed in a car accident late at night. It took me until the
deaths of my parents to move to another state (to be close to my only
surviving son and his family) and I remember my best friend asking me
"how can you leave Busters grave?" I told her he was always with me
wherever I go. I too did things that I knew Buster enjoyed and it also
gave me peace. ((hugs to you))

Daisy
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