Mom died a year ago this morning... [Grief]

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From: ~*LiveLoveLaugh*~ on 6 Jan 2008 09:05

I don't even know how to describe how I feel. This darkness in my heart
makes it hard for me to move. Makes it hard for me to breath. I was so
restless all night. I kept watching the clock. (Mom died around 7:30
a.m.). Strange thing: A wrong number called my house at 6 a.m.! I didn't
answer it... I just froze when it started ringing.

I want today to end.

I'm not ready to take on another year without her.

I feel like I have to say goodbye again... and I just can't.

:'-(

--

�.�� )) -:�:-
�.�� .��))
Laurie
((��.�� ..��
-:�:- ((�� .�

*~*LiveLoveLaugh*~*

All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
~Abraham Lincoln

From: Cindy's Mom on 6 Jan 2008 10:55

On Jan 6, 7:05 am, "~*LiveLoveLaugh*~" <nob...(a)myjunkaddy.com> wrote:
> I don't even know how to describe how I feel. This darkness in my heart
> makes it hard for me to move. Makes it hard for me to breath. I was so
> restless all night. I kept watching the clock. (Mom died around 7:30
> a.m.). Strange thing: A wrong number called my house at 6 a.m.! I didn't
> answer it... I just froze when it started ringing.
>
> I want today to end.
>
> I'm not ready to take on another year without her.
>
> I feel like I have to say goodbye again... and I just can't.
>
> :'-(
>
> --
>
> ·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-
> ¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
> Laurie
> ((¸¸.·´ ..·´
> -:¦:- ((¸¸ ·.·
>
> *~*LiveLoveLaugh*~*
>
> All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
> ~Abraham Lincoln

Laurie..Hugs to you this day. I know how difficutl this first
anniversary day is as I went through mine for my daughter Cindy on
October 25. You just relive all the awful things as if they were
yeasterday and happening again. So sad and so painful. My heart aches
for you and and am sending you warm thoughts that you can remember
what a wonderful person your mom was and celebrate the relationship
you had with her. there is just no end to the pain we feel and the
loss we all suffer. If it helps I am thinkig of you this
day..HUGS..Judy, Cindy's Mom

From: donna on 6 Jan 2008 11:30

dear laurie,

you don't ever have to say 'goodbye'; it's just 'till we meet again'.
your love for you mother is expressed beautifully and sadly. she must
have been an exceptional woman to have such devotion from her child.

as for the strange coincidence of the telephone ringing at 6:00 am. i
read recently, and believe, that meaningless synchronism or
coincidence doesn't exist. it is the universe winking at us in times
of great need. so i chose to look at your phone ringing today as a
sign from your wonderful mother ... she loves you too; she knows you
hurt; she's with you.

my thoughts are with you on this first sad anniversary,

donna

From: Noon Cat Nick on 6 Jan 2008 14:12

~*LiveLoveLaugh*~ wrote:

> I don't even know how to describe how I feel. This darkness in my heart
> makes it hard for me to move. Makes it hard for me to breath. I was so
> restless all night. I kept watching the clock. (Mom died around 7:30
> a.m.). Strange thing: A wrong number called my house at 6 a.m.! I
> didn't answer it... I just froze when it started ringing.
>
> I want today to end.
>
> I'm not ready to take on another year without her.
>
> I feel like I have to say goodbye again... and I just can't.

While I slept, while I slept and the night grew colder
She would come to my room, stepping softly
And draw a blanket about my shoulder
While I slept.

While I slept, while I slept in the dark, still heat
She would come to my bed, stepping cooly
And smooth the twisted, troubled sheet
While I slept.

Now she sleeps, sleeps under quiet rain
While nights grow warm or nights grow colder,
And I wake, and sleep, and wake again
While she sleeps.

--Robert Francis

* * * * * * * * *

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains,--but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,--
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

--Edna St. Vincent Millay

* * * * * * * * *

In the dark womb where I began
My mother's life made me a man.
Through all the moments of human birth
Her beauty fed my common earth.
I cannot see, nor breathe, nor stir,
But through the death of some of her.

Down in the darkness of the grave
She cannot see the life she gave.
For all her love, she cannot tell
Whether I use it ill or well,
Nor knock at dusty doors to find
Her beauty dusty in the mind.

If the grave's gates could be undone,
She would not know her little son,
I am so grown. If we should meet
She would pass by me in the street,
Unless my soul's face let her see
My sense of what she did for me.

What have I done to keep in mind
My debt to her and womankind?
What woman's happier life repays
Her for those months of wretched days?
For all my mouthless body leeched
Ere Birth's releasing hell was reached?

What have I done, or tried, or said,
In thanks to that dear woman dead?
Men triumph over women still,
Men trample women's rights at will,
And man's lust roves the world untamed.

* * * *

O grave, keep shut lest I be shamed.

--John Masefield

* * * * * * * * *

May her memory be eternal.

From: daisy on 7 Jan 2008 21:07

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