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From: Healthy Stealthy on 8 Apr 2006 15:35
My friend's wife is giving him the silent treatment. There is a history
of this. He feels she is too controlling, and when they get in an
argument she stays silent, even after he tries to fix the matter.
Even now he has been the reciprocant of the silent treatment for days
and days. He doesn't know what to do about it anymore. He has had it.
What should a victimized husband do about the silent treatment?

From: Casey on 8 Apr 2006 16:49
Healthy Stealthy said
> My friend's wife is giving him the silent treatment. There is a history
> of this. He feels she is too controlling, and when they get in an
> argument she stays silent, even after he tries to fix the matter.
> Even now he has been the reciprocant of the silent treatment for days
> and days. He doesn't know what to do about it anymore. He has had it.
> What should a victimized husband do about the silent treatment?

Enjoy it?


Casey
From: Beachcomber on 8 Apr 2006 19:46

>>>>My friend's wife is giving him the silent treatment. There is a history
>>>>of this. He feels she is too controlling, and when they get in an
>>>>argument she stays silent, even after he tries to fix the matter.
>>>>Even now he has been the reciprocant of the silent treatment for days
>>>>and days. He doesn't know what to do about it anymore. He has had it.
>>>>What should a victimized husband do about the silent treatment?
>>>

How about countering with the Dutch Oven Treatment?

There is a famous story about Ernest Bourgnine (the actor) doing this
to Ethel Merman while he was (briefly) married to her. The procedure
is to tightly hold the bedsheets over your beloved while producing as
much vile and disgusting gas as possible in such a way that the gas is
confined within the sheets and your lover cannot escape.

Beachcomber


From: NewMan on 8 Apr 2006 22:06
I was an abused husband. My wife was the polar opposite of silent,
beleive me.

My knee jerk reaction? Bail.

I tried for six year to "fix" my marriage. And the harder I worked to
fix it, the nastier she got.

The WORST POSSIBLE thing he can do is succumb to the silent treatment
and do something stupid like appolgize. It gives her total control.

Been there, done that. Got the scars to prove it. I know damn well how
much it hurts.

Tell you friend to get out, and get counselling - FAST. He must find
out why he made such a bad choice in a partner.

On 8 Apr 2006 12:35:16 -0700, "Healthy Stealthy"
<healthystealthy(a)gmail.com> wrote:

>My friend's wife is giving him the silent treatment. There is a history
>of this. He feels she is too controlling, and when they get in an
>argument she stays silent, even after he tries to fix the matter.
>Even now he has been the reciprocant of the silent treatment for days
>and days. He doesn't know what to do about it anymore. He has had it.
>What should a victimized husband do about the silent treatment?

From: Lost Lurker on 9 Apr 2006 09:43

Healthy Stealthy wrote:
> My friend's wife is giving him the silent treatment. There is a history
> of this. He feels she is too controlling, and when they get in an
> argument she stays silent, even after he tries to fix the matter.
> Even now he has been the reciprocant of the silent treatment for days
> and days. He doesn't know what to do about it anymore. He has had it.
> What should a victimized husband do about the silent treatment?

here's a useful tool my DH and I practice, courtesy of our MC:

Once a week, at a set time, (same every week- so we can look forward to
it), we talk, vent, whatever. One person goes first, and the other
needs to remain silent. No denials, justifications, whatever. It's hard
to sit and listen without responding!

Then the other person has their turn.

Then we both take turns, and talk about what we *heard*, and try to
come up with concrete solutions.

It was very hard at the beginning. Both of us look forward to it now,
though after almost 2 years, there are some nights we don't have
anything serious to talk about.

Perhaps this woman is not speaking because she doesn't feel as if she
is being heard. <shrugs> Is she being told she is stupid for her
feelings? Even if she chooses to reamin silent during this, assuming
she is willing to try it~ she will at least hear how her DH is hurt by
her silence.

and if the DH is giving her what she wants after these silent
treatments, he is rewarding bad behaviour.

Good Luck!

LL

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