Loafing step-daughter
in [Step Parents]
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From: Chris on 14 Dec 2005 23:20 Once again, the dishes are piled up in the sink for days. My wife's pregnant 18 year old daughter is resident in our home, and one of her few chores is doing the dishes. She spends the better part of her day in bed watching tv and talking on the phone, or in the living room doing same. Although she has a job, she lives here for free! My wife and her daughter both claim that the reason why she is living here for free is so that she can save enough to get her own place a couple months from now. My wife says it will insure that she leaves sooner rather than later. I reluctantly agreed. In the meantime, my wife agreed that I should now go directly to her daughter regarding issues rather than to my wife. She also agreed with my suggestion that I tell her daughter it's either the dishes or the door; her choice. After I inform the daughter of her options, what is a reasonable number of incidents before I force her to comply with her choice? I have never felt total privacy with her daughter living here. While she was a minor, I accepted this because it merely came with the living arrangements. Today, however, I feel a complete lack of privacy. One of the reasons I got my own home was to have such privacy which ranks high on my list of priorities. This, along with several other factors, makes me anxious to see her leave. If my step-daughter is not capable of taking care of herself, then how is she going to take care of her own child?
From: Elizabeth H Bonesteel on 15 Dec 2005 13:22 "Chris" <reddd(a)juno.com> writes: >After I inform the daughter of her options, what is a reasonable >number of incidents before I force her to comply with her choice? One. Never, ever threaten punishment unless you're willing to follow through on it. -- lizb(a)world.std.com "No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings. Man's reason and spirit have often solved the seemingly unsolvable - and we believe they can do it again." -- John F. Kennedy, 6/10/1963
From: lioness on 15 Dec 2005 13:53 Brace yourself, you may be living with the daughter and her child for a lot longer than you think. Sorry to say that but your point about her not being able to take care of herself and a new baby is valid. You may have to think about talking to your wife and discussing some real expectations regarding your step daughter and when she'll be moving out.... You may also want to sit down with the daughter and outline your thoughts and let her know the consequences for her actions. If you've done this in the past then a quick review might be in order... Then, when she does not comply with your wishes, pack her bags for her and call her a cab...I watched this entire incident play out with my cousin and believe it or not, it was the turning point in her life she needed to become a responsible person. She too was pregnant and a teenager, 19 I think. Good Luck
From: Melissa on 15 Dec 2005 14:06 Chris wrote: > > In the meantime, my wife agreed that I should now go directly to her > daughter regarding issues rather than to my wife. She also agreed with my > suggestion that I tell her daughter it's either the dishes or the door; her > choice. After I inform the daughter of her options, what is a reasonable > number of incidents before I force her to comply with her choice? > Chris, I think this situation may have disaster written all over it. Do you think your wife will actually back you up here? I only ask because I don't think most parents would kick out their pregnant kid (and future grandchild) over not doing the dishes. When push comes to shove will your wife actually be able to kick her daughter out? Dealing with your stepkid directly on issues only works if the BP is going to back you up. You also mentioned privacy, and I don't see you getting a lot of that in the near future either. A young (single?) mother is going to need lots of help and support. Expect that your SD and the baby are going to be around often. Plan ahead. Look for spaces, activities, and such where you can get that desired sense of privacy. I had this problem when SS first moved in with us into a small place. A daily trip to yoga class helped me maintain my sanity. Good Luck, M
From: Chris on 15 Dec 2005 18:48
"Melissa" <Melissanwsgrps(a)optonline.com> wrote in message news:g8jof.9052$Kf4.4063(a)fe08.lga... > Chris wrote: > > > > In the meantime, my wife agreed that I should now go directly to her > > daughter regarding issues rather than to my wife. She also agreed with my > > suggestion that I tell her daughter it's either the dishes or the door; her > > choice. After I inform the daughter of her options, what is a reasonable > > number of incidents before I force her to comply with her choice? > > > > Chris, > I think this situation may have disaster written all over it. Do you > think your wife will actually back you up here? I only ask because I > don't think most parents would kick out their pregnant kid (and future > grandchild) over not doing the dishes. When push comes to shove will > your wife actually be able to kick her daughter out? Dealing with your > stepkid directly on issues only works if the BP is going to back you up. I agree. But consider, if her daughter ends up having to leave, it will be because she alone made the choice; dishes or the door. > > You also mentioned privacy, and I don't see you getting a lot of that in > the near future either. A young (single?) mother is going to need lots > of help and support. Expect that your SD and the baby are going to be > around often. Plan ahead. Look for spaces, activities, and such where > you can get that desired sense of privacy. I already did and found it.... MY HOME! Probelm is it's being breached. Certainly, you are not suggesting that I keep abandoning the place I worked hard for to gain privacy. > I had this problem when SS > first moved in with us into a small place. A daily trip to yoga class > helped me maintain my sanity. > > Good Luck, > M |