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From: Hexe on 11 Apr 2005 05:01 Hello to all those who remember me, those who don't and Christina. I haven't been here in a dog's age. Nothing much to tell, trying to battle depression on my own and failing. I was ill for awhile and still recovering. I have a malabsorption problem and cannot get the nutrients I need from the food I eat. I negelected my health to the point where I couldn't walk without crutches. When the pain go to bad to handle I went to a doctor. I had several gastric problems but the worst was Osteomalacia (rickets) caused by a serious lack of Vitamin D and Osteoporosis. My gastric problems are on the mend (knock on wood) and with intense vitamin supplements (shots) my blood levels are, for the most part, back where they should be. Except for the pain. I have wandering severe joint/muscle pain which the rheumatologist said is expected considering my loss of biological material due to malnutrition, etc. She said it could take as long as 6 months to stop. Everyday it's a new pain in a new place with varying degrees of intensity. I don't sleep too well because every position hurts, the least painful is flat on my back. Before this I never slept on my back. When I told my doctor how depressed I was he prescribed Cipralex which only made me more depressed. I started seeing a shring last week and she has me on Trevilor; this is my 14th AD each time I hope THIS one works. I had given up on shrinks because other than meds they were never very effective with me. I've decided to try again because I have been speaking to several of my sisters and nieces who my father sexually abused. Since I have been depressive most of my life I think he is the cause even though I have no memories of it happening. I have one memory of my grandfather abusing me afterwhich I was brain dead for a year afterward. I don't have any memories from the time of the abuse until his funeral. When he died my brain started working again. I am hoping she can help me with this, I'm hoping language will not get in the way. She is German and I have to speak slowly and sometimes restate what I've said. Can a person be successfully treated for something that is deeply buried? I keep telling myself that if I was sexually abused by my father that it was not my fault but this hasn't had any effect. I think part of the problem is that when he stopped abusing me and started on my younger sisters (for whatever reason) I felt the rejection. My my sense of worthlessness began then. If what the show on TV is anything to go by, he must have told me how much he loved me while he was abusing me. When he turned to my sisters he stopped loving me. As a 5-6 year old I would not have understood, I would only have felt the loss. My daddy didn't love me anymore. I remember that he was my HERO and then he wasn't and I don't have any memories of why not, only that at some point I became afraid of him. Do y'all remember when I used to smoke and then went to a hypnotherapist and quit? I still haven't smoked. There were no side effects, no cravings or irritability, I didn't replace one bad habit with another. So I was wondering if he could so successfully turn my brain around about smoking could he do the same with depression? I asked the shrink if it were possible and she said maybe, but, she doesn't hypnotize :-( So now I'm saving my money to go back the the hypnotherapist to see if he is will to try an experiment. The only problem is that Alu just used every Euro we have to buy an RV because he refused to pay the exorbitant finance charges. Maybe next year. Has anyone heard or read of treating depression with hypnosis? -- Hexe
From: marnik on 11 Apr 2005 18:31 Hexe wrote: > Hello to all those who remember me, those who don't and Christina. > > I haven't been here in a dog's age. Nothing much to tell, trying to > battle depression on my own and failing. I was ill for awhile and > still recovering. I have a malabsorption problem and cannot get the > nutrients I need from the food I eat. I negelected my health to the > point where I couldn't walk without crutches. When the pain go to bad > to handle I went to a doctor. I had several gastric problems but the > worst was Osteomalacia (rickets) caused by a serious lack of Vitamin D > and Osteoporosis. My gastric problems are on the mend (knock on wood) > and with intense vitamin supplements (shots) my blood levels are, for > the most part, back where they should be. Except for the pain. I have > wandering severe joint/muscle pain which the rheumatologist said is > expected considering my loss of biological material due to > malnutrition, etc. She said it could take as long as 6 months to stop. > Everyday it's a new pain in a new place with varying degrees of > intensity. I don't sleep too well because every position hurts, the > least painful is flat on my back. Before this I never slept on my > back. > > When I told my doctor how depressed I was he prescribed Cipralex which > only made me more depressed. I started seeing a shring last week and > she has me on Trevilor; this is my 14th AD each time I hope THIS one > works. > > I had given up on shrinks because other than meds they were never very > effective with me. I've decided to try again because I have been > speaking to several of my sisters and nieces who my father sexually > abused. Since I have been depressive most of my life I think he is the > cause even though I have no memories of it happening. I have one > memory of my grandfather abusing me afterwhich I was brain dead for a > year afterward. I don't have any memories from the time of the abuse > until his funeral. When he died my brain started working again. I am > hoping she can help me with this, I'm hoping language will not get in > the way. She is German and I have to speak slowly and sometimes > restate what I've said. > > Can a person be successfully treated for something that is deeply > buried? I keep telling myself that if I was sexually abused by my > father that it was not my fault but this hasn't had any effect. I > think part of the problem is that when he stopped abusing me and > started on my younger sisters (for whatever reason) I felt the > rejection. My my sense of worthlessness began then. If what the show > on TV is anything to go by, he must have told me how much he loved me > while he was abusing me. When he turned to my sisters he stopped > loving me. As a 5-6 year old I would not have understood, I would only > have felt the loss. My daddy didn't love me anymore. I remember that > he was my HERO and then he wasn't and I don't have any memories of why > not, only that at some point I became afraid of him. > > Do y'all remember when I used to smoke and then went to a > hypnotherapist and quit? I still haven't smoked. There were no side > effects, no cravings or irritability, I didn't replace one bad habit > with another. So I was wondering if he could so successfully turn my > brain around about smoking could he do the same with depression? I > asked the shrink if it were possible and she said maybe, but, she > doesn't hypnotize :-( So now I'm saving my money to go back the the > hypnotherapist to see if he is will to try an experiment. The only > problem is that Alu just used every Euro we have to buy an RV because > he refused to pay the exorbitant finance charges. Maybe next year. > > Has anyone heard or read of treating depression with hypnosis? > > -- > Hexe > Hi Hexe! It's good to see you here again. Sorry to hear of your physical problems. Maybe a hypnotist can help with that along with the depression. A few months back I went to a psychic hypnotist in Sedona, AZ. At the time I had the money to do it so why not? It was worth trying and if it helped fine and if it didn't then I couldn't say that I hadn't been warned beforehand. If conventional methods fail then it's time to try something different, it worked for me! I'm not saying that it was a cure-all but it sure helped, and I feel better now than I have in many years. I highly recommend hypnosis, it works. marnik
From: Queen B of My Hive on 12 Apr 2005 09:13 Hello. I just read your story and I must say you are quite the survivor. I admire your understanding of your abuse and your awareness of your depression and physical ailments. You seem to have a lot going on and I do empathize if that's ok. I'm a newbie and I do have a lot of problems. I believe in hypnosis for some people it works. Bless you to quit smoking. It wouldn't hurt to try again. I too, suffer from chronic pain and I've seen many doctors. I cannot get out of bed without taking a pain pill and waiting for it to work. I hope didn't mind me replying. I hope the best for your situation and I pray you have strength to carry on. A sister who cares, Patty.
From: Hexe on 12 Apr 2005 09:43 What is dissociative disorder? I thought it had to do with multiple personalities, I have enough trouble with my one personality. Finding a therapist is a problem, I live in Germany, rural Germany. It isn't easy finding doctors who speak English, my German is limited to swearing and cooking. I did see a shrink several years ago in Hamburg but she couldn't help me because at the time I didn't have anything to talk about. I hadn't considered my father as a source of my depression and I hadn't considered my grandfather as the cause as it had only been one (remembered) incident which I wouldn't let him complete. As to the meds I've tried: Welbutrin, Prozac, Effexor, Seroxat (Paxil), Elavil (Amitryptiline) twice, Zoloft, Desipramine, Sulpirid, Ciprelex, Trevelor; plus DHEA and St. John's Wort. I tried to kill myself twice after taking Prozac, the others did nothing, some made me fat. I have always been dysthymic and suffer from SAD. I asked the shrink is it possible for a person who has suffered life-long depression to ever get not depressed. Has my brain been in this state for so long that the damage is permanent. Can my brain ever function normally. She said yes. I can only hope. -- Hexe
From: Hexe on 12 Apr 2005 11:06
Don't appologize for responding, that's what we are here for. I don't so much suffer from chronic pain but pain due to tissure rebuilding (so the doctor says) due to extreme osteomalacia. Hopefully, when the depleted tissue is restored the pain will stop. I have wandering pain, this morning besides my shoulders hurting, my two middle fingers hurt. Once I was woken up in the middle of the night from intense pain in my instep. It would be funny if it didn't hurt so much. -- Hexe |