He's Gone..
in [Pet-Loss]
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From: Tony on 28 Jan 2006 17:28 As a follow up to the post about my cat Pirate.. the last few days have been excrutiating on me. When I woke up on Wednesday, Pirate was curled up in a corner. I also noticed he hadn't eaten any of his food from the day before, and there were patches of blood and vomit throughout the living room. A significant amount of bloody, tarry stool was also atop the sofa which I had covered with plastic bags for a number of weeks due to his "leakage". When I went to say good morning to him, he barely acknowledged me and let out a strained and painful meow. I went off to work not being able to think about anything else except the state I saw him in. The bloody patches of vomit and stool everywhere. The vet I see regularily recommended further tests, X-rays and wanted me to take him to spend the night at the hospital. I told him I figured it was time to have Pirate put to sleep after days of reading articles, talking to family and friends, etc. He used to get so upset having to go to the vet for anything, and even loathed the car ride over. He was very much a Type A cat, high strung and neurotic. The vet disagreed and told me that despite having no teeth and possibly cancer and other health problems, I could extend his life and improve upon its quality. Pirate could potentially live to be 20 years old I was informed.. though this wasn't the life expectancy for an indoor male of his breed (longhaired persian/himilayan cross). The vet told me he wouldn't put Pirate to sleep unless he was critically ill and in a lot of pain. I offered him the scenario of the blood, the vomit, the stool, the choking and difficulty he had even eating wet food. Again, of course, there were answers for all of those things. "Cats don't need teeth, bloody vomit and stool can mean a lot of things, his change in attitude could be age related.." ETC. Again I felt insulted that he would decide to ignore my choice and opt of course for the much more expensive boarding, tests, possible operations. Was cost a factor? Yes, but if I was convinced this would cure all and allow him a happy existence.. I wouldn't have thought twice to do that. Remember, he has seen 4 excellent vets now in a period of 5 months. I felt it was his time, and I felt he communicated this to me. I know he had some serious trauma in his life and that he was ready. I felt I was ready. I placed a call to another vet, who after hearing these things agreed to come to my home and have Pirate put to sleep. I had a much more pleasant image in my mind of how he would die than what actually occured. When the sedative was administered, Pirate didn't fight or hiss or anything. I picked him up and held him in my arms and felt him losing all of his muscle tension. When I then set him down on his blankets and pillows, he jumped up and tried to run.. tripping on himself and falling to the ground. This was such a sad, horrible sight. After I had picked him up and placed him back on the blankets/pillows, his eyes and mouth wide open, he began to vomit and convulse. Vet told me this was normal for a reaction to sedatives, but the horror of seeing it forced me into the other room -- bawling my eyes out. I couldn't handle any more, and I would have stopped the process prematurely had I stayed. In less than 2 minutes, the vet came into the room I was in and told me Pirate was gone. I lost it and just cried and cried.. the Vet offered little consolation, which I could understand. He simply picked Pirate up by the scruff of the neck, placed him in a small white plastic garbage bag and quickly left. He told me I could come pick up the urn in 2 days. I wandered around, seeing the litter box and the food and water bowls.. and the pile of blankets and pillows. The tuft of hair the Vet had removed for the toxic IV dose. I was incoherent, stumbling around and being hit with waves of utter horror and grief and loss. I ddn't think I would take it so hard. I started questioning my decision.. started regretting the method.. started wondering if Pirate was still actually alive despite the toxic IV dose and if I could get him back. I couldn't actually believe he was gone and would never be back. Part of me died, a big part.. People I called on the phone to help me could barely understand my delerious cries. The last few days have been very hard, but I've come to realize that it was important that this took place. It was important for me to see him off in my home instead of a clinical setting where he would violently shake and become very upset. He's in a better place. My grief "waves" have been subsiding. It is a feeling of loneliness and seeing a shirt on the floor and thinking for a split second -- that's Pirate, there he is! And being dismayed and remembering. People have told me to go get another cat or a dog, but I refuse to think of that. Pirate will never be replaced.. he was my loyal, furry companion and I know the love I shared with him will never die. I keep him in my heart and think about the happy memories all the time. Thanks for reading, Tony
From: we_miss_lexie on 29 Jan 2006 12:30 Tony, Pirate sounds like he was awesome and your mutual devotion to one another resounded in your post. I can totally relate to you...my wife and I both...we just posted recently about the death of our dog Lexie. It was a freak accident, but I too, had the same experience of picking my beloved up and her body completely limp...and the associated immediate feelings of helplessness and utter despair. The confusion and crying and rushing thoughts that "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" The fact that it WAS happening and I could do NOTHING AT ALL to help her. This just happened 10 days ago. The first 3-4 days were nightmarish...dreams of her, thoughts just like you...that maybe she's still alive and will come up out of her grave in our backyard where we buried her and where she loved to run laps in the yard. I can tell you it does get a little easier. Same as you, we have everyone telling us to get another dog...we just can't do it yet. We did find a method of coping though by going to the local humane center adoption shop and just seeing the pets there in need. Matter of fact--we are going today to this same place (where we adopted Lexie 4 years ago) for our first day of volunteering...this has been therapeutic for us. But as far as adopting another pet now...it is inconceivable for us...but please don't let this be a strict guide for when you start to consider another pet for yourself...I think this is just a matter of time and it is different for everyone (from a week to years). I am glad you have reached the point where you realized you did make the right choice and that you did everything you could to agonize over the decision before making it. No one else in the world knew what was wrong with Pirate or knew his chances of survival better than you - his beloved friend. I am glad you trusted your instincts and also feel you did the right thing--even though it was so difficult. For now, we still go visit Lexie's grave often - and keep flowers on there - and talk about her from the minute we wake up until we arrive back home from work in the evenings until we go to sleep at night. Though there are some sad times and thoughts, most of it is now gravitating towards remembering her crazy, quirky and loving antics. Of course Pirate did some off-the-wall, hilarious things too that you grew to love him for...really try to remember these now...I can tell you this makes us happy now even in the midst of grief. We offer you our deepest sympathies my friend. K&S
From: glsummer on 29 Jan 2006 12:51 On Sat, 28 Jan 2006 22:28:02 GMT, Tony <electricblueboi(a)hotmail.com> wrote: >As a follow up to the post about my cat Pirate.. the last few days >have been excrutiating on me. > >When I woke up on Wednesday, Pirate was curled up in a corner. I also >noticed he hadn't eaten any of his food from the day before, and there >were patches of blood and vomit throughout the living room. A >significant amount of bloody, tarry stool was also atop the sofa which >I had covered with plastic bags for a number of weeks due to his >"leakage". > >When I went to say good morning to him, he barely acknowledged me and >let out a strained and painful meow. I went off to work not being able >to think about anything else except the state I saw him in. The bloody >patches of vomit and stool everywhere. > >The vet I see regularily recommended further tests, X-rays and wanted >me to take him to spend the night at the hospital. I told him I >figured it was time to have Pirate put to sleep after days of reading >articles, talking to family and friends, etc. He used to get so upset >having to go to the vet for anything, and even loathed the car ride >over. He was very much a Type A cat, high strung and neurotic. > >The vet disagreed and told me that despite having no teeth and >possibly cancer and other health problems, I could extend his life and >improve upon its quality. > >Pirate could potentially live to be 20 years old I was informed.. >though this wasn't the life expectancy for an indoor male of his breed >(longhaired persian/himilayan cross). The vet told me he wouldn't put >Pirate to sleep unless he was critically ill and in a lot of pain. I >offered him the scenario of the blood, the vomit, the stool, the >choking and difficulty he had even eating wet food. Again, of course, >there were answers for all of those things. "Cats don't need teeth, >bloody vomit and stool can mean a lot of things, his change in >attitude could be age related.." ETC. > >Again I felt insulted that he would decide to ignore my choice and opt >of course for the much more expensive boarding, tests, possible >operations. Was cost a factor? Yes, but if I was convinced this would >cure all and allow him a happy existence.. I wouldn't have thought >twice to do that. Remember, he has seen 4 excellent vets now in a >period of 5 months. > >I felt it was his time, and I felt he communicated this to me. I know >he had some serious trauma in his life and that he was ready. I felt I >was ready. > >I placed a call to another vet, who after hearing these things agreed >to come to my home and have Pirate put to sleep. I had a much more >pleasant image in my mind of how he would die than what actually >occured. > >When the sedative was administered, Pirate didn't fight or hiss or >anything. I picked him up and held him in my arms and felt him losing >all of his muscle tension. When I then set him down on his blankets >and pillows, he jumped up and tried to run.. tripping on himself and >falling to the ground. This was such a sad, horrible sight. > >After I had picked him up and placed him back on the blankets/pillows, >his eyes and mouth wide open, he began to vomit and convulse. Vet told >me this was normal for a reaction to sedatives, but the horror of >seeing it forced me into the other room -- bawling my eyes out. I >couldn't handle any more, and I would have stopped the process >prematurely had I stayed. > >In less than 2 minutes, the vet came into the room I was in and told >me Pirate was gone. I lost it and just cried and cried.. the Vet >offered little consolation, which I could understand. He simply picked >Pirate up by the scruff of the neck, placed him in a small white >plastic garbage bag and quickly left. He told me I could come pick up >the urn in 2 days. > >I wandered around, seeing the litter box and the food and water >bowls.. and the pile of blankets and pillows. The tuft of hair the Vet >had removed for the toxic IV dose. I was incoherent, stumbling around >and being hit with waves of utter horror and grief and loss. I ddn't >think I would take it so hard. I started questioning my decision.. >started regretting the method.. started wondering if Pirate was still >actually alive despite the toxic IV dose and if I could get him back. >I couldn't actually believe he was gone and would never be back. Part >of me died, a big part.. People I called on the phone to help me could >barely understand my delerious cries. > >The last few days have been very hard, but I've come to realize that >it was important that this took place. It was important for me to see >him off in my home instead of a clinical setting where he would >violently shake and become very upset. He's in a better place. My >grief "waves" have been subsiding. It is a feeling of loneliness and >seeing a shirt on the floor and thinking for a split second -- that's >Pirate, there he is! And being dismayed and remembering. People have >told me to go get another cat or a dog, but I refuse to think of that. >Pirate will never be replaced.. he was my loyal, furry companion and I >know the love I shared with him will never die. I keep him in my heart >and think about the happy memories all the time. > >Thanks for reading, >Tony Tony, I am so sorry about your loss of Pirate, and so sorry you had to go through all of that. You are the one who knew him best, and only you could know when the time was right. If he told you, then it was right. I'm sorry his crossing wasn't easy. Sometimes it happens, although it usually is gentler. Just try not to think of him in that state, and remember him when he was healthier and happier. Other people suggesting you may want to adopt another pet aren't meaning to say that you can replace Pirate -- you can't, and you never will. But maybe someday the time will be right where you may feel you can offer love to another little one who needs it. My heart goes out to you in this time. Blessings, Ginger-lyn Home Pages: http://www.spiritrealm.com/summer/ http://www.angelfire.com/folk/glsummer (homepage & cats) http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~summer/index.htm (genealogy) http://www.movieanimals.bravehost.com/ (The Violence Against Animals in Movies Website)
From: wester on 29 Jan 2006 16:46 On Sat, 28 Jan 2006 22:28:02 GMT, Tony <electricblueboi(a)hotmail.com> wrote: >As a follow up to the post about my cat Pirate.. the last few days >have been excrutiating on me. Dear Tony: I am so sorry to hear about this awful experience. I wonder that the original vet refused to follow your wishes. You're right; Pirate is in a better place. I hope you feel better soon and can remember the good times you both had. Allison
From: Bill on 29 Jan 2006 19:03
I'm sorry it happened that way. Many of us here can relate. If it is any help, I've found, for me, you don't forget over time, but you don't dwell after a while. And you focus on the good times not the bad. Bill "Tony" <electricblueboi(a)hotmail.com> wrote in message news:0ppnt113qikp44h8aah6dj0263rolorgo3(a)4ax.com... > As a follow up to the post about my cat Pirate.. the last few days > have been excrutiating on me. > > When I woke up on Wednesday, Pirate was curled up in a corner. I also > noticed he hadn't eaten any of his food from the day before, and there > were patches of blood and vomit throughout the living room. A > significant amount of bloody, tarry stool was also atop the sofa which > I had covered with plastic bags for a number of weeks due to his > "leakage". > > When I went to say good morning to him, he barely acknowledged me and > let out a strained and painful meow. I went off to work not being able > to think about anything else except the state I saw him in. The bloody > patches of vomit and stool everywhere. > > The vet I see regularily recommended further tests, X-rays and wanted > me to take him to spend the night at the hospital. I told him I > figured it was time to have Pirate put to sleep after days of reading > articles, talking to family and friends, etc. He used to get so upset > having to go to the vet for anything, and even loathed the car ride > over. He was very much a Type A cat, high strung and neurotic. > > The vet disagreed and told me that despite having no teeth and > possibly cancer and other health problems, I could extend his life and > improve upon its quality. > > Pirate could potentially live to be 20 years old I was informed.. > though this wasn't the life expectancy for an indoor male of his breed > (longhaired persian/himilayan cross). The vet told me he wouldn't put > Pirate to sleep unless he was critically ill and in a lot of pain. I > offered him the scenario of the blood, the vomit, the stool, the > choking and difficulty he had even eating wet food. Again, of course, > there were answers for all of those things. "Cats don't need teeth, > bloody vomit and stool can mean a lot of things, his change in > attitude could be age related.." ETC. > > Again I felt insulted that he would decide to ignore my choice and opt > of course for the much more expensive boarding, tests, possible > operations. Was cost a factor? Yes, but if I was convinced this would > cure all and allow him a happy existence.. I wouldn't have thought > twice to do that. Remember, he has seen 4 excellent vets now in a > period of 5 months. > > I felt it was his time, and I felt he communicated this to me. I know > he had some serious trauma in his life and that he was ready. I felt I > was ready. > > I placed a call to another vet, who after hearing these things agreed > to come to my home and have Pirate put to sleep. I had a much more > pleasant image in my mind of how he would die than what actually > occured. > > When the sedative was administered, Pirate didn't fight or hiss or > anything. I picked him up and held him in my arms and felt him losing > all of his muscle tension. When I then set him down on his blankets > and pillows, he jumped up and tried to run.. tripping on himself and > falling to the ground. This was such a sad, horrible sight. > > After I had picked him up and placed him back on the blankets/pillows, > his eyes and mouth wide open, he began to vomit and convulse. Vet told > me this was normal for a reaction to sedatives, but the horror of > seeing it forced me into the other room -- bawling my eyes out. I > couldn't handle any more, and I would have stopped the process > prematurely had I stayed. > > In less than 2 minutes, the vet came into the room I was in and told > me Pirate was gone. I lost it and just cried and cried.. the Vet > offered little consolation, which I could understand. He simply picked > Pirate up by the scruff of the neck, placed him in a small white > plastic garbage bag and quickly left. He told me I could come pick up > the urn in 2 days. > > I wandered around, seeing the litter box and the food and water > bowls.. and the pile of blankets and pillows. The tuft of hair the Vet > had removed for the toxic IV dose. I was incoherent, stumbling around > and being hit with waves of utter horror and grief and loss. I ddn't > think I would take it so hard. I started questioning my decision.. > started regretting the method.. started wondering if Pirate was still > actually alive despite the toxic IV dose and if I could get him back. > I couldn't actually believe he was gone and would never be back. Part > of me died, a big part.. People I called on the phone to help me could > barely understand my delerious cries. > > The last few days have been very hard, but I've come to realize that > it was important that this took place. It was important for me to see > him off in my home instead of a clinical setting where he would > violently shake and become very upset. He's in a better place. My > grief "waves" have been subsiding. It is a feeling of loneliness and > seeing a shirt on the floor and thinking for a split second -- that's > Pirate, there he is! And being dismayed and remembering. People have > told me to go get another cat or a dog, but I refuse to think of that. > Pirate will never be replaced.. he was my loyal, furry companion and I > know the love I shared with him will never die. I keep him in my heart > and think about the happy memories all the time. > > Thanks for reading, > Tony |