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From: taintedlover1 on 24 Feb 2008 10:37
On Jan 15, 9:50 pm, BD <robert.d...(a)gmail.com> wrote:
> Hey, folks.
>
> I've been dating a gal whom I've known for about a year.
>
> She has been out of the dating scene for a long time, as she had a
> substantial weight / self-image problem. The weight issue was dealt
> with, through gastric bypass.
>
> We've been friends for about a year, and decided to ramp it up to a
> dating scenario almost 2 months ago. I've not been really committed to
> the relationship, as she has a 9-year-old boy who's rather active and
> an occasional discipline issue - and I've never been a parent. But, on
> her encouragement, we've been spending time together, and exploring
> the relationship.
>
> We 'ramped up' the relationship a month ago, and have had intercourse
> a few times. Unprotected. To be honest, I thought that since she'd
> been out of the scene for so long, STDs were kind of a non-issue.
> ((let's please just avoid the scolding on this point - I've beaten
> myself up quite a bit about this point))
>
> She came to me recently and said that just about when her child was
> born, she had an HSV2 outbreak. Just one, and she'd completely
> forgotten all about it - until it flared up again, after we began our
> physical relationship. I believe her when she says that the reason it
> flared up again was a combination of the activity, and hormonal
> changes due to recently going on the pill - as well as some
> antibiotics she's been taking.
>
> Our last contact was 15 days ago. She broke the news to me 2 days ago,
> when she finally realized what was going on. It would seem that she
> completely forgot about the first outbreak, because it was isolated. I
> don't know how to respond to that claim.
>
> To this point, I have no noteworthy symptoms. Went to a clinic to
> discuss it with a practitioner, and based on what he heard, he
> estimated that I was probably fine. He took a swab of an area on which
> I did see some extremely tiny red marks, which he suggested were
> likely a more generic irritation, and not a result of HSV2.
>
> I have an appointment with my family doctor next week, and will
> discuss it with him then - I may go whole hog and get the bloodwork
> done after awhile.
>
> I think I'm in mild shock, simply because I spent most of the
> afternoon without even thinking about this, and then would hear this
> little voice in my head, saying "She FORGOT?"
>
> I really don't know how to respond to all this. New relationship, my
> faith in the dynamic still being established, kid involved, and then I
> get this bombshell dropped on me.
>
> I've done some basic reading, and appreciate the stigma associated
> with HSV, versus the reality. I know it's manageable, and in reality
> it's an overblown inconvenience. But I also have no way of knowing how
> impactful this will be on a still-new relationship, where we're still
> discovering each other's histories. Trust is in jeopardy, progression
> of intimacy, etc. The phrase 'is it worth it' has dribbled into my
> mind quite a few times.
>
> At this point, I am not compelled to run to the hills, simply because
> I consider myself to not be quite that reactive. But, I am strongly
> tempted to change the dynamic of the relationship (ie go back to 'just
> friends'), until I can wrap my head around it all. I can't in good
> conscience tell her it's all okay, simply because I think I'm still
> emotionally detached from the reality of everything.
>
> I'd appreciate any general feedback that can be offered.
>
> Thanks!

Im a little skeptical about her NOT remembering she has herpes. Has
anyone else only ever had one outbreak? Even if she only ad one
outbreak, thats not something you forget about. I remember crying for
days when i first found out. Its a huge deal. Its something like
getting kicked in the nads...sure it was a long time ago, but you
never really forget.
From: ~nony mouse on 18 Mar 2008 13:54

> Im a little skeptical about her NOT remembering she has herpes. Has
> anyone else only ever had one outbreak? Even if she only ad one
> outbreak, thats not something you forget about. I remember crying for
> days when i first found out. Its a huge deal. Its something like
> getting kicked in the nads...sure it was a long time ago, but you
> never really forget.

I had only one major outbreak with no other symptoms (that I could
associate directly with herp) in the first 10 years.

About 10 years in, I started having neuralgia and maybe an
inconsequential rawness or single blister--nothing I would have
noticed if I weren't already on the lookout for it. However, I've
never forgotten that I have the herp. My first experience was so
traumatic, there's no way to forget it. But initial outbreaks--when
they occur--vary in severity.

Thus, I can see someone having a more minor initial outbreak (compared
to what I had), not going to the doctor, and sort of forgetting about
it--like a repressed memory. Memories are weird that way.

So I wouldn't assume the worst, but if I were you, I would proceed not
with skepticism but with eyes open. Is this a part of a larger pattern
of dubious behavior, or is it an exception to an otherwise open
person? And if she deliberately mislead you, why would she point it
out now when you've shown no symptoms? Wouldn't she wait for you to
get symptoms and then suddenly go, "Oh, wait, I forgot, I've got
herpes."

Alas, there are no clear cut answers. If you like her, I'd give her
the benefit of the doubt, as much as you can, if she seems to have
otherwise been an open and honest person.

Cheers,
nony mouse
From: MamaZ on 18 Mar 2008 15:34
I don't even remember my first outbreak, but it wasn't genital. I have
herpetic whitlow (hsv2), it breaks out on the palm of my hand. I didn't
know what the blisters were when I first starting getting them and asked my
acupuncturist what he thought it was. His reply: "Looks like herpes to me".
He was right!
So, it is possible, in some cases not even to KNOW you have herpes.
mamaZ
<taintedlover1(a)gmail.com> wrote in message
news:cf35c831-7661-4dd2-b641-53292cdc0446(a)q78g2000hsh.googlegroups.com...
On Jan 15, 9:50 pm, BD <robert.d...(a)gmail.com> wrote:
> Hey, folks.
>
> I've been dating a gal whom I've known for about a year.
>
> She has been out of the dating scene for a long time, as she had a
> substantial weight / self-image problem. The weight issue was dealt
> with, through gastric bypass.
>
> We've been friends for about a year, and decided to ramp it up to a
> dating scenario almost 2 months ago. I've not been really committed to
> the relationship, as she has a 9-year-old boy who's rather active and
> an occasional discipline issue - and I've never been a parent. But, on
> her encouragement, we've been spending time together, and exploring
> the relationship.
>
> We 'ramped up' the relationship a month ago, and have had intercourse
> a few times. Unprotected. To be honest, I thought that since she'd
> been out of the scene for so long, STDs were kind of a non-issue.
> ((let's please just avoid the scolding on this point - I've beaten
> myself up quite a bit about this point))
>
> She came to me recently and said that just about when her child was
> born, she had an HSV2 outbreak. Just one, and she'd completely
> forgotten all about it - until it flared up again, after we began our
> physical relationship. I believe her when she says that the reason it
> flared up again was a combination of the activity, and hormonal
> changes due to recently going on the pill - as well as some
> antibiotics she's been taking.
>
> Our last contact was 15 days ago. She broke the news to me 2 days ago,
> when she finally realized what was going on. It would seem that she
> completely forgot about the first outbreak, because it was isolated. I
> don't know how to respond to that claim.
>
> To this point, I have no noteworthy symptoms. Went to a clinic to
> discuss it with a practitioner, and based on what he heard, he
> estimated that I was probably fine. He took a swab of an area on which
> I did see some extremely tiny red marks, which he suggested were
> likely a more generic irritation, and not a result of HSV2.
>
> I have an appointment with my family doctor next week, and will
> discuss it with him then - I may go whole hog and get the bloodwork
> done after awhile.
>
> I think I'm in mild shock, simply because I spent most of the
> afternoon without even thinking about this, and then would hear this
> little voice in my head, saying "She FORGOT?"
>
> I really don't know how to respond to all this. New relationship, my
> faith in the dynamic still being established, kid involved, and then I
> get this bombshell dropped on me.
>
> I've done some basic reading, and appreciate the stigma associated
> with HSV, versus the reality. I know it's manageable, and in reality
> it's an overblown inconvenience. But I also have no way of knowing how
> impactful this will be on a still-new relationship, where we're still
> discovering each other's histories. Trust is in jeopardy, progression
> of intimacy, etc. The phrase 'is it worth it' has dribbled into my
> mind quite a few times.
>
> At this point, I am not compelled to run to the hills, simply because
> I consider myself to not be quite that reactive. But, I am strongly
> tempted to change the dynamic of the relationship (ie go back to 'just
> friends'), until I can wrap my head around it all. I can't in good
> conscience tell her it's all okay, simply because I think I'm still
> emotionally detached from the reality of everything.
>
> I'd appreciate any general feedback that can be offered.
>
> Thanks!

Im a little skeptical about her NOT remembering she has herpes. Has
anyone else only ever had one outbreak? Even if she only ad one
outbreak, thats not something you forget about. I remember crying for
days when i first found out. Its a huge deal. Its something like
getting kicked in the nads...sure it was a long time ago, but you
never really forget.


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