Forgetfulness isn't always a blessing
in [Grief]
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From: Noon Cat Nick on 26 Jun 2008 18:01 I've lost my mother and five RL friends in the past ten years. The latest I found out about less than a fortnight ago. Sometimes, though, I forget. I'll read or hear something, or think of something, and I'll say to myself, "I should remember to tell that to N---- the next time I talk to...no, wait, N---- died some years ago." In that same period of time, I've lost three cats. Still, I forget. I'll look in the back yard or out the window for one of them, and then remember, "No, Simba/Christian/Bijou has been gone for X years." It's been happening more often recently. After finding out Gina died, I think to talk to my mom about it, then recall that Mom's been dead for almost two years. Or I'll feel strongly the need to talk to Gina about it, then right away feeling ridiculous because Gina is never coming back either. Those moments for me are terrible to endure. To think a loved one still alive and then suddenly remember they'd passed away long ago...in those moments, that loved one is more alive than they ever were, and at the same time more dead then they will ever be. I'm afraid to sleep anymore. My dreams are filled with those moments nowadays. Then I wake up, and everything I see is one more thing I'm going to lose.
From: Daisy on 26 Jun 2008 20:27 Hi sweetie, I know what you mean....I still find myself dialing my parents home to find out its still disconnected...then it hits me. We used to have a tabby gray and black cat named Simba...he was HUGE. Hang in there, the mind can play cruel tricks on us sometimes. -- Daisy "Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE(a)hotmail.com> wrote in message news:9lU8k.227108$yE1.91055(a)attbi_s21... > I've lost my mother and five RL friends in the past ten years. The latest > I found out about less than a fortnight ago. > > Sometimes, though, I forget. > > I'll read or hear something, or think of something, and I'll say to > myself, "I should remember to tell that to N---- the next time I talk > to...no, wait, N---- died some years ago." > > In that same period of time, I've lost three cats. Still, I forget. I'll > look in the back yard or out the window for one of them, and then > remember, "No, Simba/Christian/Bijou has been gone for X years." > > It's been happening more often recently. After finding out Gina died, I > think to talk to my mom about it, then recall that Mom's been dead for > almost two years. Or I'll feel strongly the need to talk to Gina about it, > then right away feeling ridiculous because Gina is never coming back > either. > > Those moments for me are terrible to endure. To think a loved one still > alive and then suddenly remember they'd passed away long ago...in those > moments, that loved one is more alive than they ever were, and at the same > time more dead then they will ever be. > > I'm afraid to sleep anymore. My dreams are filled with those moments > nowadays. Then I wake up, and everything I see is one more thing I'm going > to lose.
From: Daniel on 27 Jun 2008 17:56 On Thu, 26 Jun 2008 22:01:41 GMT, Noon Cat Nick <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE(a)hotmail.com> wrote: >I've lost my mother and five RL friends in the past ten years. The >latest I found out about less than a fortnight ago. > >Sometimes, though, I forget. > >I'll read or hear something, or think of something, and I'll say to >myself, "I should remember to tell that to N---- the next time I talk >to...no, wait, N---- died some years ago." > >In that same period of time, I've lost three cats. Still, I forget. I'll >look in the back yard or out the window for one of them, and then >remember, "No, Simba/Christian/Bijou has been gone for X years." > >It's been happening more often recently. After finding out Gina died, I >think to talk to my mom about it, then recall that Mom's been dead for >almost two years. Or I'll feel strongly the need to talk to Gina about >it, then right away feeling ridiculous because Gina is never coming back >either. > >Those moments for me are terrible to endure. To think a loved one still >alive and then suddenly remember they'd passed away long ago...in those >moments, that loved one is more alive than they ever were, and at the >same time more dead then they will ever be. > >I'm afraid to sleep anymore. My dreams are filled with those moments >nowadays. Then I wake up, and everything I see is one more thing I'm >going to lose. Hi, Nick. Wow I can relate. My son had done really well at his taekwondo test and I thought, Hey, I need to call Dad! He'd really appreciate this! Only problem being Dad passed away September 2005. Lost Mom in 2000, and I *still* find myself saving up things to call about. Sometimes I think of my day as a walk down the beach. As I see things, interact with people, some of those things go into my pocket, as it were -- I'm collecting little pebbles and bits of shell to share later. Things to share with M., things to share with J., things to share with Mom -- wait, Mom is gone. So there I am with this handful of experiences and no way to *process* them. I think we get into the habit of knowing what things will resonate with which people in our lives. Older I get, the more people aren't here anymore . . . no wonder older people "lose their memories" -- they don't have as many assets for relating, reinforcing, engraving those thoughts. You mention the sleep - to - waking transition. That moment of panic. I wish I had a solution for that problem. The panic makes me want to pick up everything - the whole beach - and try to hang on and freeze everything and everyone so that I don't suffer those losses any more. Doesn't work. People grow, things change. People die, everything changes. What doesn't change is the struggle. The struggle is to find our own ways of holding on, continuing to honor/cherish/love those who / that which are not with us any more. Peace. -- Daniel ( deltaechomike(a)usa.net )
From: Human_And_Animal_Behaviour_Forensic_Sciences_Research_Laboratory on 30 Jun 2008 03:37 HOWEDY nooner, Sounds like you need anti psychotic medications and long term therapy. "Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE(a)hotmail.com> wrote in message news:rlU8k.227109$yE1.10886(a)attbi_s21... >> I've lost my mother and five RL friends in the past ten years. The latest >> I found out about less than a fortnight ago. >> >> Sometimes, though, I forget. >> >> I'll read or hear something, or think of something, and I'll say to >> myself, "I should remember to tell that to N---- the next time I talk >> to...no, wait, N---- died some years ago." >> >> In that same period of time, I've lost three cats. Still, I forget. I'll >> look in the back yard or out the window for one of them, and then >> remember, "No, Simba/Christian/Bijou has been gone for X years." >> >> It's been happening more often recently. After finding out Gina died, I >> think to talk to my mom about it, then recall that Mom's been dead for >> almost two years. Or I'll feel strongly the need to talk to Gina about it, >> then right away feeling ridiculous because Gina is never coming back >> either. >> >> Those moments for me are terrible to endure. To think a loved one still >> alive and then suddenly remember they'd passed away long ago...in those >> moments, that loved one is more alive than they ever were, and at the same >> time more dead then they will ever be. >> >> I'm afraid to sleep anymore. My dreams are filled with those moments >> nowadays. Then I wake up, and everything I see is one more thing I'm going >> to lose. Jerry Howe,Re: Director of Research, Human And Animal Behavior Forensic Sciences Research Laboratory, BIOSOUND Scientific, Director of Training, Wits' End Dog Training 1611 24th St Orlando, FL 32805 Phone: 1-407-425-5092 (Call ANY TIME) http://www.freewebs.com/thesimplyamazingpuppywizard
From: Daisy on 30 Jun 2008 21:38
Or perhaps you could benefit from a very large dose of compassion...ya think? -- Daisy "Human_And_Animal_Behaviour_Forensic_Sciences_Research_Laboratory" <Human_And_Animal_Behaviour_Forensic_Sciences_Research_Laboratory(a)HotMail.com> wrote in message news:530ak.231969$yE1.46230(a)attbi_s21... > HOWEDY nooner, > > Sounds like you need anti psychotic medications and long term therapy. > > "Noon Cat Nick" <chatdemidiSPAMBEGONE(a)hotmail.com> wrote in message > news:rlU8k.227109$yE1.10886(a)attbi_s21... > > >> I've lost my mother and five RL friends in the past ten years. The > latest > >> I found out about less than a fortnight ago. > >> > >> Sometimes, though, I forget. > >> > >> I'll read or hear something, or think of something, and I'll say to > >> myself, "I should remember to tell that to N---- the next time I talk > >> to...no, wait, N---- died some years ago." > >> > >> In that same period of time, I've lost three cats. Still, I forget. > I'll > >> look in the back yard or out the window for one of them, and then > >> remember, "No, Simba/Christian/Bijou has been gone for X years." > >> > >> It's been happening more often recently. After finding out Gina died, I > >> think to talk to my mom about it, then recall that Mom's been dead for > >> almost two years. Or I'll feel strongly the need to talk to Gina > about it, > >> then right away feeling ridiculous because Gina is never coming back > >> either. > >> > >> Those moments for me are terrible to endure. To think a loved one still > >> alive and then suddenly remember they'd passed away long ago...in those > >> moments, that loved one is more alive than they ever were, and at > the same > >> time more dead then they will ever be. > >> > >> I'm afraid to sleep anymore. My dreams are filled with those moments > >> nowadays. Then I wake up, and everything I see is one more thing I'm > going > >> to lose. > > Jerry Howe,Re: > Director of Research, > Human And Animal Behavior > Forensic Sciences Research Laboratory, > BIOSOUND Scientific, > Director of Training, > Wits' End Dog Training > 1611 24th St > Orlando, FL 32805 > Phone: 1-407-425-5092 (Call ANY TIME) > http://www.freewebs.com/thesimplyamazingpuppywizard |