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From: Daniel on 3 Jul 2008 12:55 ALT.SUPPORT.GRIEF FAQ ------------------------------------------------------------------ Frequently Asked Questions for the alt.support.grief newsgroup Edited and Posted by: Daniel deltaechomike(a)usa.net Last modified: July 3, 2008 IN THIS FAQ: Section 0 -- Contents Section 1 -- General Questions Section 2 -- Usenet Newsgroup Issues Section 3 -- Links and Other Resources =========================================== 0.00 CONTENTS: ------------------------------------------------------------------ 1.00 GENERAL QUESTIONS: 1.01 What is alt.support.grief? 1.02 What is alt.support.grief NOT? 1.03 Is alt.support.grief a place to find professional help? 1.04 What are the "stages" of grief? 1.05 Will I experience all of these "stages"? 1.06 How long does it take to "get over" it? 1.07 How is bereavement different from depression? 1.08 Does a miscarriage deserve full grieving? 1.09 What about suicide survivors? 1.10 My best friend's father died last week. What can I do to help? 1.11 My pet died yesterday. Do I belong in alt.support.grief? 1.12 Can I post poetry I've written to alt.support.grief? 1.13 What should I say to someone who is grieving? 1.14 What should I NOT say to someone who is grieving? 2.00 USENET NEWSGROUP QUESTIONS 2.01 Help! I posted in the newsgroup and no one answered me. Am I being ignored? What do I do? 2.02 How can I contribute to the alt.support.grief FAQ? 2.03 Whom do I contact to contribute information to the FAQ? 2.04 What is a "spam"? 2.05 What is a "troll"? 2.06 Why doesn't somebody DO something about "spams" and "trolls"? 2.07 What can be done about "spams" and "trolls"? 2.08 "WHY DO PEOPLE SAY I'M YELLING?" (Some usenet do's and dont's) 3.00 LINKS AND OTHER RESOURCES 3.01 Usenet groups 3.02 Books and other resources 3.03 Web links ------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------ 1.00 GENERAL QUESTIONS 1.01 What is alt.support.grief? Alt.support.grief is a usenet newsgroup that (as Bill Chadwick so aptly puts it) "nobody wants to join". We offer a warm, friendly environment to anyone dealing with the various stages of the grieving process. The goal of alt.support.grief: Helping each other through the ups and downs of the grieving process. Family and friends of those who are grieving are always welcome, and so are lurkers (people who read but never post). While posting is encouraged, it is never demanded; those who are grieving should post only when/what they are comfortable with. Those caring for a loved one who is dying are also welcome; we support those in "pre-grief" as well as after. alt.support.grief (asg) is an unmoderated newsgroup. An unmoderated newsgroup is an equal opportunity public discussion forum. Anyone can post whatever he or she wants without filtering. In an unmoderated newsgroup, censorship and abuse of power issues do not exist. 1.02 What is alt.support.grief NOT? Alt.support.grief is NOT a place for the lovelorn. There are several other newsgroups available (alt.romance and alt.romance.unhappy, for example) that more accurately fit the needs of those experiencing the "grief" of a broken relationship. Alt.support.grief is NOT a place for students to request feedback for school papers/projects. We are people dealing with various aspects of grief, we are not laboratory animals. Before posting a request to answer questions or fill out forms, please keep in mind that people who are grieving, or helping a loved one through grief, have matters on their minds that transcend the school grades of non-grieving strangers. Alt.support.grief is NOT a place for the posting of binaries (picture, audio, or video files). A good way to share pics by creating a web site and posting the link. Alt.support.grief is NOT a place for spams. If you absolutely must send a mass-post to every newsgroup under the sun, please reconsider invading our grief with something so trivial and insensitive. Alt.support.grief is NOT a place to advertise or solicit for your commercial venture. No vendors or announcements for products or services, please. Are you grieving and want to let others know about a book/resource/site that helped you? Fine. Do you stand to make money directly or indirectly from your announcement? Then please respect the sensibilities of the group and do NOT post. 1.03 Is alt.support.grief a place to find professional help? No. While caring professionals are always welcome, what you are most likely to find in alt.support.grief are people dealing with one or more aspects of the grieving process. The newsgroup is not meant to replace professional help. Instead, alt.support.grief offers a non-judgmental forum to anyone trying to cope with grief, as well as a supportive, online connection to other people who are also grieving. Again: the goal of alt.support.grief -- Helping each other through the ups and downs of the grieving process. 1.04 What are the "stages" of grief? Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about the stages of grief a person experiences about their own death. She listed: DENIAL ANGER BARGAINING DEPRESSION ACCEPTANCE Grief brought about by the death of someone close to us can cause so many expressions of suffering. Each person is unique, each relationahip is unique, each one's grief experience is unique. Your personal list of stages may come to contain other terms, such as SHOCK or GUILT. One comparison of different lists of "stages" may be found at: http://www.counselingstlouis.net/page24.html 1.05 Will I experience all of these "stages"? Not necessarily. Some people may skip over one "stage", yet linger in one or more of the others. Unless the "stage" lasts so long as to become unhealthy or becomes life-threatening, lingering in one stage is not a cause for concern. 1.06 How long does it take to "get over" it? You don't. You learn to live with your grief and eventually the grief becomes bearable. No two people deal with grief exactly the same way or at exactly the same pace. There is no timetable; acceptance of your loss takes as long as it takes. Don't push yourself to "get through it". Grief is not something that can be skipped over, nor can it be dealt with only when convenient -- when you "have the time" to deal with it. Don't let anyone else push you into "moving on to the next stage" if you don't feel you are ready. 1.07 How is bereavement different from depression? A full depressive syndrome frequently is a normal reaction to the death of a loved one (bereavement), with feelings of depression and such associated symptoms as poor appetite, weight loss, and insomnia. However, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, prolonged and marked functional impairment, and marked psychomotor retardation are uncommon and suggest that the bereavement is complicated by the development of a Major Depression. The duration of "normal" bereavement varies considerably among different cultural groups. (From: alt.support.depression FAQ.) 1.08 Does a miscarriage deserve full grieving? Yes! While well-meaning friends may say thoughtless things hoping to make you feel better, the fact remains that you have lost a person who was closeto you, and quite naturally you are grieving that loss. 1.09 What about suicide survivors? Suicide is often extremely traumatic for the friends and family members that remain. In addition to the feelings of grief normally associated with a person's death, there may be guilt, anger, resentment, remorse, confusion and great distress over unresolved issues. Anyone burdened with unresolved feelings and issues because someone they were close to has suicided should seek some form of counselling or other appropriate help to ease the burden and help resolve their feelings. The stigma surrounding suicide can make it extremely difficult for survivors to deal with their grief and can cause them also to feel terribly isolated. Survivors often find that people relate differently to them after the suicide, and may be very reluctant to talk about what has happened for fear of condemnation. They often feel like a failure because someone they cared so much about has chosen to suicide, and may also be fearful of forming any new relationships because of the intense pain they have experienced through the relationship with the person who has suicided. People who have experienced the suicide of someone they cared deeply about can benefit from "survivor groups", where they can relate to people who have been through a similar experience, and know they will be accepted without being judged or condemned. Most counselling services should be able to refer people to groups in their local area. (From: suicide-aus-faq) 1.10 My best friend's father died last week. What can I do to help? 1.10.0 You can do a lot to help! The suggestions below follow two general guidelines. Take The Initiative Yourself -- don't wait for the grieving person to be well enough to tell you what they need. And Keep The Lines Of Communication Open -- even after you may feel "snubbed" or "cut off". 1.10.1 Take some kind of action. Make a phone call, send a card, give a hug, attend the funeral, help with practical matters (e.g., meals, care of children). See the "What to say / what not to say" section below. 1.10.2 Be available. Allow the person time so there is no sense of "urgency" when you visit or talk. 1.10.3 Be a good listener. Accept the words and feelings expressed, avoid being judgmental or taking their feelings personally, avoid telling them what they feel or what they should do. 1.10.4 Don't minimize the loss, and avoid giving cliches and easy answers like, "You're young, you can have more children" or "It was for the best" (see section 1.13 and 1.14). 1.10.5 Don't be afraid to talk about the loss (i.e., the deceased, the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, the disability, the shared memories, etc.). 1.10.6 Allow the bereaved person to grieve for as long or short a time as needed. Be patient, there are no shortcuts. 1.10.7 Encourage the bereaved to care for themselves. They need to attend to physical needs, perhaps to postpone major decisions, and allow themselves to grieve and to recover. 1.10.8 Acknowledge and accept your own limitations. Many situations can be hard to handle, but can be made easier with the help of outside resources -- books, workshops, support groups, other friends, or professionals. 1.11 My pet died yesterday. Do I belong in alt.support.grief? Many people form strong, lasting bonds with their pets. When the pet dies, it is not uncommon for a person to experience the same stages of grief as they would after the death of a person who was close to them. Grief is not restricted by the species of the loved one. After much discussion in ASG, a new newsgroup specifically for grieving the death of a pet was created. The newsgroup is alt.support.grief.pet-loss and is filled with warm, caring people who are also dealing with the loss of a beloved pet. You might also try: The Lightning Strike Pet-Loss Support Page Web-based pet loss page. URL: http://www.lightning-strike.com Contact: [mailto:support(a)lightening-strike.com] Or: Rainbow Bridge Pet Loss Grief support website URL: http://www.petloss.com 1.12 Can I post poetry I've written to alt.support.grief? Yes. Poetry regarding grief is not only very therapeutic to read, but also very therapeutic to write. Do post any poetry about grief or the grieving process to the newsgroup. Memorials to lost loved ones, shared memories, etc. are never out of place here. If the author or source is available please remember to include it when you post an item that is not written by you. 1.13 What should I say to someone who is grieving? I'm sorry I'm sad for you How are you doing with all this? I don't know why it happened What can I do for you? I'm here and I want to listen Please tell me what you are feeling This must be hard for you What's the hardest part for you? I'll call you tomorrow You must really be hurting It isn't fair, is it? You must really feel angry Take all the time you need Thank you for sharing your feelings Please do say the name of my lost loved one It is ok to tell me whatever you want to. Are there any tasks that I can do for you? Would you like to be alone? Would you like company? Can I give you a hug? (And then give it.) I have some time today - how can I help? "I cannot understand exactly how you feel, your relationship with ...... was personal to you; but I can understand your pain having lost ...... , and maybe we can share some memories to help us both. I'm here when you're ready to talk, and even when you want to share a silence." 1.14 What should I NOT say to someone who is grieving? The death was a blessing It was God's will It all happened for the best You're still young You have your whole life ahead of you You can have other children You can always remarry Call me when I can help Something good will come out of this You need to get remarried, your children need a mom At least you have another child He/She led a full life It's time to put it behind you now Cheer up, it's Christmas Be strong You'll find someone else People don't die for no reason (REALLY BAD) He/she would want you to go on You are a strong woman, you will make it He/she's in heaven now I don't know why you are crying, I had a hard life too I know just how you feel, my dog just died You are being selfish by missing your son - you should just be grateful I had him He/she went to be with God You've done the grief thing for long enough now, stop milking it! You're lucky you had the time you did I'm just trying to cheer you up Why don't you (insert activity) -- it will make you feel better Please try to be aware of difficult family situations, such as a divorce. The wrong words may add pain and insult to al already unbearable situation. And for those of us who are survivors of suicide, please: Don't ask if he was depressed. Don't tell me I am better off without such an unstable partner. Don't ask why they did it. Don't ask if they left a note (or what it said). Don't ask if I was expecting it. ------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------ 2.00 USENET NEWSGROUP QUESTIONS 2.01 Help! I've posted in the newsgroup and no one answered me. Am I being ignored? What do I do? First, you need to give the Internet and Newsgroup service providers (yours and ours --all of ours) time to pass the messages back and forth. That doesn't always happen instantly, sometimes it can take several days. Second, if it's been a few days since you posted and you are seeing new messages (posted since yours), but not including yours, check with your Internet Service Provider and/or Newsgroup Service to be sure they are not having a problem with sending messages out. Yes, it does happen. No, they don't always tell anybody when it's happening. Third, wait a few days for a reply to show up in the newsgroup. There are times when we may read your post today, but not have time to reply the way we'd like to until tomorrow or the next day. Also, several members use offline news readers. Those of us who do tend to read/reply to posts in batches. Fourth, if you've done all of the above, send an email to the keeper of the FAQ listed at the top of the FAQ, and ask if your post was listed in the newsgroup, or look for it using http://groups.google.com. Fifth, if after checking to be sure your posts aren't showing up on the newsgroup, you are still unable to post to the newsgroup, send your post in an email to the keeper of the FAQ listed at the top of this FAQ. We will post your message to the group. Please keep in mind that when the group activity is light, members may not read every day; on the other hand when group activity is heavier (especially during the holidays), members may not be able to respond to the posts as quickly as we would like. If you feel you are being ignored, it is *not* intentional. Please, DO REPOST. [Unless you are a troll -- then it *is* intentional, and please go away!] There's a good chance we missed your message on it's first pass -- if so, there's an excellent chance we'll catch it on the second. We do our best, but none of us is perfect. 2.02 Can I contribute to the alt.support.grief FAQ? Yes. If you've found a source of comfort and would like to share it with other members of alt.support.grief, post it to the newsgroup, but please consider asking to have it added it to our FAQ. Comments, questions, and suggestions are always welcome! The resource that you found helpful can probably help someone else! Please notify the keeper of the FAQ of any errors, expired links, etc. 2.03 Whom do I contact to contribute information to the FAQ? Send email to the maintainer of the FAQ at the email address listed at the beginning of the FAQ, or post to the group under a conspicuous subject heading such as "FAQ Change". 2.04 What is a "spam"? Nothing as innocuous as luncheon meat, unfortunately. A spam is a post sent and/or copied to every newsgroup the sender can think of, and then some (or so it seems). Rarely does the post find an appropriate newsgroup (there usually isn't one). More rarely is it appreciated --especially by people who have to read it in every newsgroup they access. 2.05 What is a "troll"? In Usenet usage, a troll is not a grumpy monster that lives beneath a bridge accosting passers-by, but rather a provocative posting to a newsgroup intended to produce a large volume of frivolous responses. The content of a "troll" posting generally falls into several areas. It may consist of an apparently foolish contradiction of common knowledge, a deliberately offensive insult to the readers of a newsgroup, or a broad request for trivial follow-up postings. People post such messages to get attention, to disrupt newsgroups, and simply to make trouble. 2.05.01 Usenet Hate ("trolls") Sometimes the loving world of alt.support.grief is terrorized by recurring posts that are a.) exceedingly lengthy, b.) extremely bizarre, and c.) exceptionally full of hatred. All it means is that we are being subjected to one of the periodic visits of a kind of technology-savvy sociopath. It can be enlightening to look up the person doing such postings using a search engine like http://www.google.com or http://www.alltheweb.com , or do a Usenet search at http://groups.google.com. Some of the perpetrators have been around for years. 2.06 Why doesn't somebody DO something about "spams" and "trolls"? alt.support.grief (asg) is an unmoderated newsgroup. An unmoderated newsgroup is an equal opportunity public discussion forum. Anyone can post whatever he or she wants without filtering. In an unmoderated newsgroup, censorship and abuse of power issues do not exist. There *is* no alt.support.grief "management". 2.07 What CAN be done about "spams" and "trolls"? 2.07.01 Determine whether it is really spamming/trolling. Some annoying posts are sent (it *can* be unintentional) to the *wrong* newsgroup or to *more than one* newsgroup. Anybody's brain-fog day can result in sending that tidbit meant for your hobby newsgroup to every group in your subscription list! 2.07.02 *Ignore it*! It will go away. Try not to post an angry reply in the newsgroup; many times an angry reply opens a dialogue that can be very unpleasant for all involved. It may also unintentionally encourage the spammer or troller to continue. 2.07.03 Be aware of what's "out there"! A Usenet troll can disrupt several groups at once by posting the same message to several groups imultaneously, a procedure called "cross-posting". Replies to such posts are then forwarded to *all* the groups, thereby multiplying the damage inflicted. If your newsreader software can be set to "show header information" it will show the group or groups to which the post was sent. Be particularly careful responding to *any* strange or provocative post! Check the header information to see whether your reply is about to be broadcast outside alt.support.grief. If you feel you *must* respond, *please* make sure you respond *only* in alt.support.grief -- or *you* will end up being a cross-poster too. 2.07.04 Keep in mind that, while spams and trolls can be annoying, frustrating, and thoughtless, the only person they really hurt are the inconsiderate people who post them. 2.07.05 Remember: *** Please don't feed the trolls!!! *** 2.08 What is "netiquette"? The following may be found online at: http://www.onlinenetiquette.com/shallwestart.html "Common Courtesy, Social Graces, Socially Acceptable Behavior. These are all terms used in a civilized society where humans interact with one another. Cyberspace is not any different. How you will be perceived, the type of human being that you are or for that matter are not, your credibility, your levels of professionalism and ethics will be judged by how you communicate with others online." For a more detailed explanation of netiquette see: http://www.onlinenetiquette.com/courtesy1.html ------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------ 3.00 LINKS AND OTHER RESOURCES ------------------------------------------------------------------ 3.01 OTHER USENET GROUPS OF INTEREST Editor's Note: As of July 2008, I have no idea how many of these groups are active and not inhabited only by cobwebs and trolls. Please email the poster of the FAQ (see top of this posting) any reviews or info! Thanks! * news:alt.support.grief.suicide This group is intended for those who have lost someone to suicide to offer support to each other and find some support and understanding. This group is intended as a "sister group" to alt.support.grief. * news:alt.psychology.help * news:alt.support.cancer * news:alt.support.depression * news:alt.support.divorce * news:alt.support.aids * news:alt.support.loneliness * news:alt.support.alzheimers 3.02 BOOKS AND OTHER RESOURCES ------------------------------------------------------------------ The books listed below have been suggested by alt.support.grief members. If money is a problem, you might try: - Borrowing the book from the local library (try interlibrary loan if your library doesn't have it), - Asking if you can borrow a copy from your local hospice or bereavement support agency, or - Buying the book through a second-hand bookseller such as www.abebooks.com. "Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying" by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley "Pre-grief". Written by two hospice nurses, this book offers insights into the experience of dying via real-life stories of the many ways in which people at the end of life communicate their needs and experiences, and suggests how we can respond to the requests of the dying and help them prepare emotionally and spiritually for death. ("The 'final gifts' of the title are the comfort and enlightenment offered by the dying to those attending them, and in return, the peace and reassurance offered to the dying by those who hear their needs." - Kirkus Reviews.) http://tinyurl.com/44vbq "What Dying People Want: Practical Wisdom for the End of Life" by David Kuhl, MD "Pre-grief". Written for patients and caregivers as well as friends and family, the author explores the question of caring for the terminally ill by focusing on the daily experience of patients who are learning how to broach such discussions with their loved ones while working to come to terms with their own mortality." http://tinyurl.com/52yaq "The Needs of the Dying: A Guide For Bringing Hope, Comfort, and Love to Life's Final Chapter" by David Kessler "Pre-grief". The author addresses the physical and emotional needs of the terminally ill by examining what the dying individual needs for a peaceful death. Appropriate for family and friends of the dying, this book expresses what the dying want us to understand about their journey but may not be able to tell us. http://tinyurl.com/66t2y "Safe Passage, Words to Help the Grieving" by Molly Fumia Publisher Conari Press ISBN 1-57324-901-7 Loss of a spouse. So many of the books on the shelves of the bookstores seem too instructional or too religious. This is one that touches the dark place where our grief lives. "The Bereaved Parent" by Harriet Sarnoff Schiff Crown Publishers, Inc, 1977 ISBN 0-517-52681-6 Helpful for anyone who has lost a child. (Available and reviewed on Amazon.com) Harriet Schiff, as someone who lost a son and has made a study of the problems of losing a child, does have some useful things to say. "Swallowed by a Snake - The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing (Second Edition)" by Thomas R. Golden Publisher Golden Healing Publishing, LLC 149 Little Quarry Mews Gaithersburg, MD 20878 USA Copyright 2001 ISBN: 0-9654649-1-1 Focus is on the grief of men , such as * What happens when a man cries at home; * Gender differences in other cultures; * Pysical gender differences. "Love Never Dies - A Mother's Journey from Loss to Love" by Sandy Goodman (Hardcover - March 2002) Sandy's website: http://www.loveneverdies.net/ "In "Love Never Dies", Sandy Goodman lights a path of understanding through the darkness of loss. Her honesty and love will help anyone dealing with the pain of grief." (John Edward, Host of Crossing Over) "Only Spring: On Mourning the Death of My Son: A Father's Story of a Child's Gift of Love" by Gordon Livingston M.D., Foreword by Mark Helprin Publisher: Marlowe and Co., 1999 ISBN 1569246599 "Livingston survived the tragedy of child loss twice in as many years when one son committed suicide and the other died of leukemia." "No Time For Goodbyes: Coping With Sorrow, Anger, and Injustice After a Tragic Death" by Janice Harris Lord Publisher: Pathfinder Fifth (paperback) Edition Copyright 2000 ISBN 0934793409 "Janice Harris Lord is the director of Victim Services for Mothers Against Drunk Driving and a licensed professional counselor. Book is devoted to the unique grief suffered by the families and friends of persons killed suddenly and violently." (from publisher info) "Moving Beyond Grief" by Ruth Sisson. Publisher: Discovery House Copyright 1994 http://www.provide.net/~rsissom/books.html "Interviews of adults and teens who lost loved ones through AIDS, Alzheimer's, cancer, murder, suicide, childhood disease and a plane crash. These are stories of hope from courageous people who share what helped most to heal their broken hearts so others in grief will be encouraged. A valuable resource for those who want to help the bereaved." (from Ruth's web site) "Seven Choices: Taking the Steps to a New Life after Losing Someone you Love" by Elizabeth Harper Neeld, Ph.D. Publisher: Delta Trade Paperback Copyright 1992 Publisher: Warner Books; Reprint edition (August 2003) http://www.elizabethharperneeld.com/ ISBN: 0446690503 "Describes the steps each of us can take to find a new balance for our lives after experiencing death, divorce, financial setbacks, illness, as well as grief, loss and change of any kind." (from publisher info) "Companion Through the Darkness: Inner Dialogues on Grief" by Stephanie Ericsson Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers 1992 Publisher: Harper-Perennial Copyright 1993 ISBN: 0060969741 "She began writing a journal of her experiences after the loss of her husband while she was pregnant with their only child. . . Using a very simple format which combines excerpts from her own diary writings with brief essays she vividly speaks the language of loss and captures the contradictory, wrenching, and chaotic emotions of grief." (from publisher info) "Beyond Grief: A Guide for recovering from the Death of a Loved One" by Carol Staudacher Publisher: Barnes & Noble Books 1999 ISBN: 0760719012 "Special emphasis on the wide variety of grief responses experienced by a spouse, parent or child. It also explores the multiple challenges of surviving a loss as the result of an accident, suicide or murder." "Carol Staudacher is a grief educator and consultant, and an author and researcher in the mental health field." (from beliefnet.com) "Men and Grief: A Guide for Men Surviving the Death of a Loved One: A Resource for Caregivers and Mental Health Professionals" by Carol Staudacher Publisher: New Harbinger Publication, 1991 ISBN 093498672 "The first work in the field to look in depth at the unique patterns of male grief and to offer step by step support to the male survivor as well as to those who care for and about him." (from beliefnet.com) "A Time to Grieve: Meditations for Healing after the Death of a Loved One" by Carol Staudacher Publisher: Harper San Francisco Copyright 1994 ISBN: 0062508458 "A collection of truly comforting, down-to-earth thoughts and meditations -- including the authentic voices of survivors -- for anyone grieving the loss of a loved one." (from amazon.com) "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Harold S. Kushner Publisher: Avon; Reissue edition (July 1997) ISBN: 0380603926 "Celebrating its 20th anniversary [in 2001], this book features Rabbi Kushner's perspective on how people can better deal with evil that enters their lives." (from Publishers Weekly) "Tear Soup: A Recipe For Healing After Loss" by Pat Schweibert Hardcover: 56 pages Publisher: Grief Watch; 2nd Rev edition (October 1, 2001) ISBN: 0961519762 An ASG member writes, "I guess I'll start by saying that reading the book helped me to search out some other people who were grieving and I found you all here. I'd say that was a good enough recommendation . .. . The book is by a lady named Pat Schwiebert from Portland, Oregon and her son Chuck DeKlyen. It was illustrated beautifully by Taylor Bills, Pat's nephew (I got this info off the back inside cover of the book)." "On Life After Death" by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Publisher: Celestial Arts; (December 1991) ISBN: 0890876533 Some people really love this book. Views based on near-death experiences, etc. "How to Survive the Loss of a Love: 58 things to do when there is Nothing to be Done" by Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield, Melba Colgrove Publisher: Mary Book / Prelude Pr; Reprint edition (November 1993) ISBN: 0931580439 Originally published 1976. Systematic treatment of loss. Deals with lovelorn, etc. Points of view from clinical to personal. Treats death of a loved one as a category of "loss". "A Compassionate, Practical Guide to Being a Widow" by Lynn Caine Publisher: Penguin (Non-Classics) (January 1, 1990) ISBN-10: 014013025X ISBN-13: 978-0140130256 [ *** Recently reprinted. Anybody know this book? Write a capsule review and post or email the keeper of the FAQ. Thanks. *** ] "Widow's Journey: A Return to the Loving Self" by Xenia Rose Publisher: Henry Holt & Co (P) (September 1991) ISBN-10: 0805018379 ISBN-13: 978-0805018370 Appears to be out of print but there are used copies available from the dealers. This book may not be for those whose loss is still very new (some chapters deal with "years down the road" issues). It has insights and practical ideas for all those who are grieving (not "just" widows), and along the way the author tells the story of her own personal journey. "The New Natural Death Handbook" Edited by Nicholas Albery, Gil Elliot and Joseph Elliot The Natural Death Centre The 1993 edition is available online: http://www.globalideasbank.org/natdeath/ndhbook.html Latest hardcopy go to: http://www.globalideasbank.org/ and click on "Order Books" Books for Children: - - - - - - - - - - - "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" by Judith Viorst Publisher: Aladdin Library; (September 1987) ISBN: 0689712030 "Card catalog" description: "In an attempt to overcome his grief, a boy tries to think of the ten best things about his dead cat." "How it Feels when a Parent Dies" by Jill Krementz Publisher: Knopf; Reprint edition (March 1988) ISBN: 0394758544 "Card catalog: description: "Eighteen young people ranging in age from seven to sixteen discuss the questions, fears, and bereavement they experienced when one of their parents died." 3.03 ONLINE RESOURCES: ------------------------------------------------------------------ (Please report any links that don't work, or other changes, to the poster of the FAQ at the email address listed at the top of this FAQ. Thanks!) ### GriefNet GriefNet.org is an Internet community of persons dealing with grief, death, and major loss. Our integrated approach to on-line grief support provides help to people working through loss and grief issues of many kinds. Our companion site, KIDSAID, provides a safe environment for kids and their parents to find information and ask questions. URL: http://www.griefnet.org Tom Golden's Page Crises, Grief and Healing by Tom Golden. Excellent resources for anyone who is grieving, with emphasis on grieving by men. URL: http://www.webhealing.com Bereaved Families of Ontario "BFO" Support Centre (Canada) Excellent resource with many links, including a list of books available for talking to children about death. Bereaved helping the bereaved learn to live with grief. URL: http://www.bereavedfamilies.net Adult Sibling Grief Information, memorials, chat, message board. Site created and maintained by Dr. T.J. Wray. URL: http://www.adultsiblinggrief.com/ Childhood Grief This non-profit organisation helps out a lot of grieving children and their families in Sydney, Australia - as well as providing publications & training for professional counselling practitioners. URL: http://www.childhoodgrief.org.au The Compassionate Friends (TCF) Grief support after the death of a child URL: http://www.compassionatefriends.org The Compassionate Friends of Colorado Support for bereaved parents - a local chapter of TCF URL: http://www.tcfcolorado.org General grief link pages: URL: http://www.angelfire.com/me/ESY/Grieving1 URL: http://www.rockies.net/~spirit/grief/griefA1.html URL: http://www.growthhouse.org/cgi/search.cgi?browse=&category=15 The Murder Victims'Survivors Board This is a meeting place for survivors of murder victims...to share thoughts, ask questions and get support. Join us in the chat room below for our weekly chats which will be on Thursday nights, at 9pm central time. This is 10pm Eastern, 8pm Mountain and 7pm Pacific. URL: http://murdervictims.proboards18.com The Natural Death Centre This is is a non-profit charitable project launched in Britain in 1991, with three psychotherapists as directors. It aims to support those dying at home and their caregivers and to help them arrange funerals. It has as a more general aim that of helping improve 'the quality of dying'. URL: http://www.naturaldeath.org.uk/ cancerbacup.org.uk This British Cancer Support Site also has grief resources, including a simple, honest presentation of what to expect after a loved one dies. This site has not only another list of "stages" but also some other "things you can expect" physically and emotionally. URL: http://tinyurl.com/3bswmo 1000 Deaths Devoted to grief support for survivors whose loved ones have committed suicide, and to the prevention of suicide. URL: http://www.1000deaths.com/ Contact: Christine at [mailto:cbsmithx(a)1000deaths.com] The Centre for Grief Education - Melbourne Australia An Index to Grief & Loss Sites on the World Wide Web URL: http://www.grief.org.au/internetl.htm Fatherless Daughters Support Group This Group is for women who are lacking a father figure. Women coming together to support each other while dealing with ones of lifes most difficult obstacles. URL: http://groups.aol.com/dadlesdgtrs Grief Loss and Mourning Resources from Northern County Psychiatric Associates Baltimore, Maryland URL: http://www.ncpamd.com/bereavement.htm Liferites LifeRites is dedicated to serving the needs of those individuals who hold no formal religious beliefs and who seek to affirm their life and death in a personal and individual manner by providing practical advice and guidance on Rites of Passage and Life Celebrations, empowering people to do things for themselves. We also acknowledge the needs of those who ascribe to Nature based spiritualities. URL: http://www.liferites.org/ Hospice For those of you who have been looking for grief counseling, a web site for the Hospice Organization. There is a link for you to find the closest one near you. And there are links to articles on grief there too. There are articles put out by Hospice helpfull in understanding the feelings and sorrow over a loss. URL: http://www.hospicenet.org/ Growth House: A "...gateway to resources for life-threatening illness and end of life care. Our primary mission is to improve the quality of compassionate care for people who are dying through public education and global professional collaboration." Lots of articles and links. URL: http://www.growthhouse.org/ Seniors Site - Widowhood Here we will post information on living alone and widowhood by and for senior citizens. If you wish to send information appropriate for senior citizens please send us an e-mail. URL: http://seniors-site.com/widowm/coping.html -- Daniel ( deltaechomike(a)usa.net )
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