Daughter's birthday
in [Grief]
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From: queenbee2 on 17 May 2008 23:57 Dear groupmates, The 20th of this month would have been my daughter's 16th birthday. She was killed by a hit and run driver on October 10, 2006 when she was 14. She and her then 16 year old sister were walking home from their church youth group. It was the most horrible day of my life. Though it was 1 1/2 years ago I could recite every moment of that day as if it had just happened. Last year we marked her birthday by scattering her ashes in the desert amongst the wild flowers. We released balloons with notes and remembered stories about her. It was the right thing to do at the time and though painful felt good. This year feels different. Both my daughters looked forward to their 16th birthdays for many years. It is a truly special birthday and we will miss celebrating with her. I certainly do not feel like celebrating anything, in fact I would like to go to sleep and wake up 2 days later having missed the 20th all together. My older daughter plans to go to church and present a tribute at the youth service. Though she wants me to attend and I should go to support her, I just can't do it. I know that I would sit and weep and be unable to hear anything that was said. How is it that time passes and the pain does not seem to lessen? Though I suppose we function it takes a few notes of a certain song or the sight of a teenaged girl with long dark hair to begin the flood of tears. How in the world do I make it through another birthday? I know I will always be a grieving mother and my head tells me that some days will be more difficult. My heart doesn't understand and seems shattered into a million pieces. Debbie
From: gloria212 on 18 May 2008 11:12 My Son, Mitchel died 5 days before his Birthday. We did the baloons too. I still tear up just talking about him, I try to push away all the thoughts in my mind of that terrible day. I havent been able to cook the foods we all liked, or look at the clothing in the stores that I would have bought him. His wasnt a "sudden death", he was sick for 8 years. Dont think for a minute that its not as hard--to see my Son go from good health to someone in constant pain, to see the look on his face when he decided it was time for him to stop the dialysis that was keeping him alive. His worries were for us--he begged us to agree with his choice--to die. We did. Mitchel-10/14/55--10/9/07 Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
From: Noon Cat Nick on 18 May 2008 17:46 queenbee2 wrote: > Dear groupmates, > The 20th of this month would have been my daughter's 16th birthday. > She was killed by a hit and run driver on October 10, 2006 when she > was 14. She and her then 16 year old sister were walking home from > their church youth group. It was the most horrible day of my life. > Though it was 1 1/2 years ago I could recite every moment of that day > as if it had just happened. > > Last year we marked her birthday by scattering her ashes in the desert > amongst the wild flowers. We released balloons with notes and > remembered stories about her. It was the right thing to do at the time > and though painful felt good. This year feels different. Both my > daughters looked forward to their 16th birthdays for many years. It is > a truly special birthday and we will miss celebrating with her. > > I certainly do not feel like celebrating anything, in fact I would > like to go to sleep and wake up 2 days later having missed the 20th > all together. My older daughter plans to go to church and present a > tribute at the youth service. Though she wants me to attend and I > should go to support her, I just can't do it. I know that I would sit > and weep and be unable to hear anything that was said. > > How is it that time passes and the pain does not seem to lessen? > Though I suppose we function it takes a few notes of a certain song or > the sight of a teenaged girl with long dark hair to begin the flood of > tears. How in the world do I make it through another birthday? I know > I will always be a grieving mother and my head tells me that some days > will be more difficult. My heart doesn't understand and seems > shattered into a million pieces. > Debbie Home is so sad. It stays as it was left, Shaped to the comfort of the last to go As if to win them back. Instead, bereft Of anyone to please, it withers so, Having no heart to put aside the theft And turn again to what it started as, A joyous shot at how things ought to be, Long fallen wide. You can see how it was: Look at the pictures and the cutlery. The music in the piano stool. That vase. --Philip Larkin * * * * * * * * * Cover her face; mine eyes dazzle: she died young. --John Webster, _The Duchess of Malfi_ * * * * * * * * * Rise up, slowly, Angel. I cannot let you go. Just drift softly 'midst the faces, In sorrow now bent low. Ease the searing anger, Born in harsh, unyielding truth That Death could steal my loved one From the glowing blush of youth. Rise up slowly, Angel. Do not leave me here, alone, Where the warmth of mortal essence Lies replaced by cold, hard stone. Speak to me in breezes Whispered through the drying leaves, And caress my brow with raindrops Filtered by the sheltering trees. Rise up slowly, Angel, For I cannot hear the song Which calls you through the shadows Into the light beyond. Wrap me in a downy cape Of sunshine, warm with love, And kiss a tear-stained mother's face With moonlight from above. Then, wait for me at sunset, Beside the lily pond, And guide me safely homeward To your world, which lies beyond. Just spread your arms to take me In reunion's sweet embrace, And we shall soar, together, To a different time and place. --Diane Robertson Take care, Nicholas
From: "Pam" p b on 18 May 2008 20:16 "queenbee2" <queenbee2(a)cox.net> wrote in message news:4febdb2a-df6e-4234-ae8a-ec7925d18359(a)b9g2000prh.googlegroups.com... > Dear groupmates, > The 20th of this month would have been my daughter's 16th birthday. > She was killed by a hit and run driver on October 10, 2006 when she > was 14. She and her then 16 year old sister were walking home from > their church youth group. It was the most horrible day of my life. > Though it was 1 1/2 years ago I could recite every moment of that day > as if it had just happened. > > Last year we marked her birthday by scattering her ashes in the desert > amongst the wild flowers. We released balloons with notes and > remembered stories about her. It was the right thing to do at the time > and though painful felt good. This year feels different. Both my > daughters looked forward to their 16th birthdays for many years. It is > a truly special birthday and we will miss celebrating with her. > > I certainly do not feel like celebrating anything, in fact I would > like to go to sleep and wake up 2 days later having missed the 20th > all together. My older daughter plans to go to church and present a > tribute at the youth service. Though she wants me to attend and I > should go to support her, I just can't do it. I know that I would sit > and weep and be unable to hear anything that was said. > > How is it that time passes and the pain does not seem to lessen? > Though I suppose we function it takes a few notes of a certain song or > the sight of a teenaged girl with long dark hair to begin the flood of > tears. How in the world do I make it through another birthday? I know > I will always be a grieving mother and my head tells me that some days > will be more difficult. My heart doesn't understand and seems > shattered into a million pieces. > Debbie Well Debbie, we have something in common. My neice's birthday is the 20th also. She would have been 19. Last year her funeral was 2 days before her birthday,and graduation night was the day before. My sister and my nephew and I sent up a Happy Birthday Balloon. I don't have a clue what we are going to do this year. but I am thankful that my sister has a pretty full day on the 20th. Her son's school has a lunch for all the volunteers at school, then in the evening he has a basball game. I think she has a dr. appt too. Maybe if you keep yourself busy on the 20th it will help. Either way I'll be thinking of you Pam
From: Dan Johnson on 19 May 2008 02:36
Hi Debbie, I'm recent to this group, but 2 and 1/2 years out in the grief stuff. My 21 year old son and 15 year old daughter died in a car wreck in September 2005. Christina was just short of her 16th birthday. Her senior prom would have been last weekend. Her best friend came by in her dress to show us. She'd be graduating in a couple weeks. instead it's that same empty, sad, helpless feeling that I don't know will ever go away. I think we do our best to function but let the grief take us where it will. We have a different 'normal' then folks who haven't gone down this path, and frankly it's a terrible normal. Do the best you can, but don't place expectations on yourself for when it will feel better or how you should handle it. Trust yourself to feel what you need to feel and don't apologize for feeling it. I think we can all rationalize how we are supposed to act and that we should 'get over it'. But as you said, your heart, like mine, my wife's and I would guess the rest of the folks reading this, is shattered. We're all missing big pieces of it that cannot be replaced. I think what I would like, if you are up to it, is to hear about what kind of person your daughter was, and what made her special. Maybe that way, you can share a bit of who she was, with those of us who never had the privilage to get to know her. Do understand that we understand and you aren't alone in this. Dan |