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From: info at psychictrauma.org on 18 Jun 2007 00:13
I had traumatic anmesia for 6 months after being drugged with LSD at age 12.
The event was so traumatic my mind pretended it never happened. I went on
with my life until one day in the 6th grade I was hit with my first LSD
flashback and because, in my mind the LSD trip happen for no reason, (I
never knew I was drugged and just thought I had died and death was this
horrifying world) I thought it could happen again at any time and it was.
You would think that I would have woke up the day after the LSD experience
and said "Wow that was awful", but I didn't remember the morning after until
nine years later when driving down the road. The memories of the morning
after just popped into my head for no particular reason. Those memories told
me that I laid in the bed, afraid to open my eyes for 3 hours because I was
afraid the distortions and hallucination would still be there when I opened
my eyes. When I finally gotr the courage to open my eye, apparently when I
saw no distortion, my mind instantly blocked off the whole LSD trip, that is
until six months later.

In my case I know these memories really happened. Also, in my case when I do
have a memory come back that I didn't remember before, the fact that it is
upsetting it the very thing that tells me it did happen. I have nightmares
almost everynight and while they scare me, I nver feel guilty about them,
even if I did something horrible in the dream. If there is some guilt it may
have really happened. From your choice of words and phrasing it sound like
you really know it happened. (Just an opinion)

I have never been in combat, but there has to be some pretty complex
psychological dynamics at work. I think the people least likely to end up
with guilt related PTSD are the people who join because they had already
justify the killing of complete stranger who were never a threat to them
while they were at home. Those people believe that it is OK to invade
another country and kill people because the president said so, and they can
somehow use that justification to quell any feelings of guilt, unless of
course they mature, and analyse the conflict on its merits instead on basing
it patriotism.

For those drafted, I'd guess there could be problems (guilt) at the time of
combat, after killing someone, because that person might have seen that the
argument for their presence and killing had no merit.

As for dying, I hear ya brother. I hope for it every night when I go to
sleep. When the LSD was slipped on me I thought I had died and that is what
death was like and what I was experiencing was eternal. Naturally I still
fear that death will be like that and hope that it is not, that it is just
nothingness, no heaven, hell or after life. I have been in the death throws
during the LSD so I don't want to go in fear; That is all I ask.

If the person was "Darth Ferret" <none(a)hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:462ffc59$0$17129$4c368faf(a)roadrunner.com...
> I was in Viet Nam from July 68 to July 69. I have some things in my head
> that I'm still not sure if they really happened. After I was home around
ten
> years I had a dream. During the day thinking about it more details came
> tumbling out that I hadn't dreamed, more like remembering. Yet it's more
> like I dreamed it. Very upsetting. It's rally bad. When several years
later
> I took a chance and tried to tell a friend about it I broke down and
started
> crying before I was half way done. I still couldn't talk about it without
> breaking down. But I don't know if it really happened. This was followed
by
> a couple more.
> Either way I must be messed up. Either I have real memories that I can't
> tell whether or not they are dreams - or I have dreams that I cannot
recount
> without breaking down. I was crying once at my computer when I just tried
to
> type the worst one into my word processor as a journal. I thought maybe I
> could purge it that way.
> Part of me wants to know if these things really happened, but part of me
is
> afraid.
> When I was a kid my father wouldn't let us boy's show any feelings and we
> were hit if we cried. I invented a magic box in my head when I was a
little
> kid where I would put things I didn't want to feel. Viet Nam taught me to
> put chains and locks on it. So maybe I locked these things away so
securely
> that they took years to get part way out?
> Does this sound possible to anyone? Am I crazy?
> I'm going through a rough time right now. I've been on antidepressants for
> many years and my son died in October and they aren't working any more. I
> wish that God would just be merciful and let me have a heart attack or
> kidney failure and let me have this over with. That's what I'm praying for
> anyway.
> Joe in Florida
>
>


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