Been over a year!
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From: Chris on 19 Apr 2007 03:33 Amazing! It's been well over a year since she moved out, and they are still together. My stepdaughter (now 19) moved out of my home last year when I made it clear to both her and her mother that I was not living in a two-family household. At the time, marital problems were severe enough to merit eliminating as many other burdens as possible. And yes, spouse comes BEFORE children. After she decided to become pregnant AGAIN, it was time for her to move on and take her baby to go live with her (not legal)"husband". Although they are struggling financially, much to their credit, this young family is staying together. In spite of past issues that I have with them, I commend their efforts. That said, I have a current issue that needs to be addressed. So, perhaps some advice may be in order. Stepdaughter and baby came over for Easter. He drove the 30 minutes here, dropped them off across the street, and left. He refuses to visit, and the story I get is that it's probably because he feels uncomfortable being here due to past issues; specifically with me. We celebrated stepdaughter's birthday at her sister's home, and he refused to be there too. If this man is that uncomfortable being around me, then perhaps I should excuse myself from such family events. He belongs with his family, especially during holidays and other celebrations! I have come to terms with the fact that because he is now part of my wife's family, that his right to visit is on par with stepdaughter's. I still believe that he owes me a BIG apology for past offenses, but also realize that it may never happen; thus he is welcome here regardless. I have been around him only a couple of times, and we never spoke to each other. I have been told that he is naturally reclusive and it has nothing to do with me; that he is that way with others too. I will not attempt to make direct contact with him, but is there anything else I might do to break any tension between us or should I just leave it alone until if/when he decides to make a first move? I have a strange feeling that he's gonna be around for a very long time, and BOTH of us need to realize that it's unfair to the other family members for this tension to continue. I am troubled with things as they stand. Suggestions? [ For what it's worth, I posted the problem here last year. ]
From: Nan on 19 Apr 2007 08:05 On Thu, 19 Apr 2007 00:33:20 -0700, "Chris" <reddd(a)juno.com> wrote: >Amazing! It's been well over a year since she moved out, and they are still >together. My stepdaughter (now 19) moved out of my home last year when I >made it clear to both her and her mother that I was not living in a >two-family household. At the time, marital problems were severe enough to >merit eliminating as many other burdens as possible. And yes, spouse comes >BEFORE children. > >After she decided to become pregnant AGAIN, it was time for her to move on >and take her baby to go live with her (not legal)"husband". Although they >are struggling financially, much to their credit, this young family is >staying together. In spite of past issues that I have with them, I commend >their efforts. > >That said, I have a current issue that needs to be addressed. So, perhaps >some advice may be in order. Stepdaughter and baby came over for Easter. He >drove the 30 minutes here, dropped them off across the street, and left. He >refuses to visit, and the story I get is that it's probably because he feels >uncomfortable being here due to past issues; specifically with me. We >celebrated stepdaughter's birthday at her sister's home, and he refused to >be there too. If this man is that uncomfortable being around me, then >perhaps I should excuse myself from such family events. He belongs with his >family, especially during holidays and other celebrations! > >I have come to terms with the fact that because he is now part of my wife's >family, that his right to visit is on par with stepdaughter's. I still >believe that he owes me a BIG apology for past offenses, but also realize >that it may never happen; thus he is welcome here regardless. I have been >around him only a couple of times, and we never spoke to each other. I have >been told that he is naturally reclusive and it has nothing to do with me; >that he is that way with others too. > >I will not attempt to make direct contact with him, but is there anything >else I might do to break any tension between us or should I just leave it >alone until if/when he decides to make a first move? I have a strange >feeling that he's gonna be around for a very long time, and BOTH of us need >to realize that it's unfair to the other family members for this tension to >continue. I am troubled with things as they stand. Why won't you attempt direct contact with him? Nan
From: EllBee on 19 Apr 2007 09:47 Chris wrote: > Suggestions? Here's an idea -- the next time there's going to be a family event that you and your SD will both be attending, why not call the guy up and let him know that he's welcome? Sometimes the simple solutions are the best. Lee > > >
From: Chris on 20 Apr 2007 01:53 "Nan" <Badmam@#1.net> wrote in message news:h9qe231nonsbafea8kkghpe02crs5v4gnq(a)4ax.com... > On Thu, 19 Apr 2007 00:33:20 -0700, "Chris" <reddd(a)juno.com> wrote: > > >Amazing! It's been well over a year since she moved out, and they are still > >together. My stepdaughter (now 19) moved out of my home last year when I > >made it clear to both her and her mother that I was not living in a > >two-family household. At the time, marital problems were severe enough to > >merit eliminating as many other burdens as possible. And yes, spouse comes > >BEFORE children. > > > >After she decided to become pregnant AGAIN, it was time for her to move on > >and take her baby to go live with her (not legal)"husband". Although they > >are struggling financially, much to their credit, this young family is > >staying together. In spite of past issues that I have with them, I commend > >their efforts. > > > >That said, I have a current issue that needs to be addressed. So, perhaps > >some advice may be in order. Stepdaughter and baby came over for Easter. He > >drove the 30 minutes here, dropped them off across the street, and left. He > >refuses to visit, and the story I get is that it's probably because he feels > >uncomfortable being here due to past issues; specifically with me. We > >celebrated stepdaughter's birthday at her sister's home, and he refused to > >be there too. If this man is that uncomfortable being around me, then > >perhaps I should excuse myself from such family events. He belongs with his > >family, especially during holidays and other celebrations! > > > >I have come to terms with the fact that because he is now part of my wife's > >family, that his right to visit is on par with stepdaughter's. I still > >believe that he owes me a BIG apology for past offenses, but also realize > >that it may never happen; thus he is welcome here regardless. I have been > >around him only a couple of times, and we never spoke to each other. I have > >been told that he is naturally reclusive and it has nothing to do with me; > >that he is that way with others too. > > > >I will not attempt to make direct contact with him, but is there anything > >else I might do to break any tension between us or should I just leave it > >alone until if/when he decides to make a first move? I have a strange > >feeling that he's gonna be around for a very long time, and BOTH of us need > >to realize that it's unfair to the other family members for this tension to > >continue. I am troubled with things as they stand. > > Why won't you attempt direct contact with him? Because of significant past offenses coupled with the idea that my issue is with stepdaughter since she is the one who "introduced" him into our lives. In fact, because of the tension with BOTH of them, my communication is predominately through my wife. And yes, I have made it clear my position to her as described above. Call me stubborn if you like, but the ball is in his court being that it was HE, not I, that created the offense. For reasons that I will not go into, he would not have been my first choice as a father for stepdaughter's child. However, to their benefit, he's turning out to be a pretty decent family man; so far. > > Nan
From: Chris on 20 Apr 2007 01:54
"EllBee" <leronisnospam(a)att.net> wrote in message news:zpKVh.327806$5j1.211973(a)bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net... > > > Chris wrote: > > > Suggestions? > > Here's an idea -- the next time there's going to be a family event that > you and your SD will both be attending, why not call the guy up and let > him know that he's welcome? > Sometimes the simple solutions are the best. My wife has limited communication with him, but a regular close relationship with her daughter. I have informed her to let them know my position. I suppose the next level is for me to communicate directly to her daughter. Because of past events, I am not yet comfortable to speak directly to him; and I KNOW he feels the same about me. You might ask how I can be comfortable enough to allow him in my home etc. yet not be able to speak to him. The two are separate. As the father of my wife's grandchild, he is part of the family; thus his ticket here. But that doesn't mean we have to be buddies. Your suggestion appreciated! > Lee > > > > > > > |