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From: Bev on 2 Aug 2008 22:57
Hello or actually hello again. I'm Bev, I was involved in this group
quite some time ago. I had lost my dad to lung cancer and two years
later my partner to ovarian cancer. Dad's been gone since Jan 2nd
1999. We had driven three hours,Gayle and I, to go care for dad and
mom every weekend at first, but when dad took a turn for the worse we
basically took leave of our jobs and moved in with them. After dad
died, we went back home to our jobs, I quit within a week of being
back, losing my dad was the first loss I ever experienced like this.
Almost one year to the day dad died we found out Gayle had ovarian
cancer, I watched hopelessly as she struggled to fight her cancer. I
worked as much as I could, I often just lived in the hospital room and
went to work on her better days.We lost our home, and depended on
friends and family for shelter. For a year she fought to live, we lost
each other Feb. 3rd 2001. All through these losses a dark cloud of
continuous grief has shadowed my existence. My mother nearly died last
year. She has been a very sick woman even before dad got sick. We
moved her to my sisters in Texas after dad died. Last year, I went to
Texas to help my sister with mom, she had been really sick and the
doctors came up with a diagnosis of a rare blood disorder called
castlemans disease. The treatment of large doses of prednisone and
oral chemotherapy drugs filled her with water. We were told she was
dying and we were convinced she needed to go inpatient at the hospice.
Mom was doped up with ativan and morphine at the hospice. Soon after
they had her in a comatose state. When the nurse came in the next day
she said they were going to stop all of moms meds. I insisted they
stop drugging her unconscious and ask her first before they do that.
So they did just that. When mom came to she was asked if stopping her
meds was what she wanted and if she knew what that would mean and she
said "No I'll die".
About two weeks later mom left that hospice alive and has been living
with my sister since, a year has passed since then, we are grateful to
have insisted she be asked that question and that she came back
stronger than ever. Why we will never know.......

My sister (not the one mom lives with) was diagnosed HIV positive in
the late 80's. She had been dating a guy who was an IV drug user. She
apparently contracted the virus from him. He died about a year ago. My
sister has lived a good twenty years even though she had turned to
many different drugs such as heroin, cocaine, and the last one smoking
crack, she's nearly killed herself .Over the past 3 years I have been
trying to help her stop the drugs, about 6 months ago I finally
convinced her to go into rehab. She has been clean now for a good four
months. Her aids medication has stopped working , her viral load is
high and she is currently in the hospital, recently released from ICU,
her pnuemonia is clearing up. Her infectious disease doc has told us
she has a bacterial infection in her lungs that only aids people get.
This bacteria is known to attack the kidneys and liver and other
organs. Sis is getting stronger by the day, it looks like she will be
coming home again.This is the second bout of pnuemonia and
hospitalization in 30 days. Her heart is enlarged, she suffers from
shortness of breath that the docs say is from her heart condition. We
went through social services and set her up in an apartment because
she nor I want her to die in my house with my grandchildren. When she
is released from the hospital , I will go and stay with her in her
apartment and care for her there. She wants to be home when the time
comes. She asked me to see to it she does not suffer in death. I
promised her I would take care of her. I found myself beggining to
lose my strength this last hospital admittance, I was sure she wasn't
gonna make it. I have been being treated for depression and anxiety on
and off since my 20's, I'm 47 now and again I am watching helplessly
as my younger sister suffers. I don't know what else to do for her
than care for her until the time comes that I must say goodbye to her
as well. All the devastating memories of dads struggle, Gayles
struggle, moms struggle have come back to haunt my sleep. I had my
medication increased and I am beginning to sleep a little better. I'm
trying to connect with some people that may also be caretaking for a
loved one that is dying. My oldest daughter has been in from
California caretaking for her paternal grandmother who is currently
going though chemotherapy for a cancerous brain tumor. I am trying to
help her with her emotions as well. I am proud of her for taking on
this responsibility, but I know she is suffering. I feel torn between
supporting my daughter and taking care of my sister. I am feeling I am
failing my daughter because I am so busy with my sister. I guess thats
about it , thanks for listening.......

Bev

From: Daisy on 3 Aug 2008 13:16
Bev you've got alot to deal with honey, I'm so sorry you have to go through
this. Just do what you can do and make sure you try and take care of
yourself as you go along this journey. You've lost so much it's hard to
understand why one person must go through all of this, but we all seem to.
We're here for you sweetie, please know that anytime you need to talk
someone will listen.

--
Daisy
"Bev" <bebelestrnge0721(a)aol.com> wrote in message
news:a4e70e98-79db-4dc2-a5dd-18194068c848(a)w7g2000hsa.googlegroups.com...
> Hello or actually hello again. I'm Bev, I was involved in this group
> quite some time ago. I had lost my dad to lung cancer and two years
> later my partner to ovarian cancer. Dad's been gone since Jan 2nd
> 1999. We had driven three hours,Gayle and I, to go care for dad and
> mom every weekend at first, but when dad took a turn for the worse we
> basically took leave of our jobs and moved in with them. After dad
> died, we went back home to our jobs, I quit within a week of being
> back, losing my dad was the first loss I ever experienced like this.
> Almost one year to the day dad died we found out Gayle had ovarian
> cancer, I watched hopelessly as she struggled to fight her cancer. I
> worked as much as I could, I often just lived in the hospital room and
> went to work on her better days.We lost our home, and depended on
> friends and family for shelter. For a year she fought to live, we lost
> each other Feb. 3rd 2001. All through these losses a dark cloud of
> continuous grief has shadowed my existence. My mother nearly died last
> year. She has been a very sick woman even before dad got sick. We
> moved her to my sisters in Texas after dad died. Last year, I went to
> Texas to help my sister with mom, she had been really sick and the
> doctors came up with a diagnosis of a rare blood disorder called
> castlemans disease. The treatment of large doses of prednisone and
> oral chemotherapy drugs filled her with water. We were told she was
> dying and we were convinced she needed to go inpatient at the hospice.
> Mom was doped up with ativan and morphine at the hospice. Soon after
> they had her in a comatose state. When the nurse came in the next day
> she said they were going to stop all of moms meds. I insisted they
> stop drugging her unconscious and ask her first before they do that.
> So they did just that. When mom came to she was asked if stopping her
> meds was what she wanted and if she knew what that would mean and she
> said "No I'll die".
> About two weeks later mom left that hospice alive and has been living
> with my sister since, a year has passed since then, we are grateful to
> have insisted she be asked that question and that she came back
> stronger than ever. Why we will never know.......
>
> My sister (not the one mom lives with) was diagnosed HIV positive in
> the late 80's. She had been dating a guy who was an IV drug user. She
> apparently contracted the virus from him. He died about a year ago. My
> sister has lived a good twenty years even though she had turned to
> many different drugs such as heroin, cocaine, and the last one smoking
> crack, she's nearly killed herself .Over the past 3 years I have been
> trying to help her stop the drugs, about 6 months ago I finally
> convinced her to go into rehab. She has been clean now for a good four
> months. Her aids medication has stopped working , her viral load is
> high and she is currently in the hospital, recently released from ICU,
> her pnuemonia is clearing up. Her infectious disease doc has told us
> she has a bacterial infection in her lungs that only aids people get.
> This bacteria is known to attack the kidneys and liver and other
> organs. Sis is getting stronger by the day, it looks like she will be
> coming home again.This is the second bout of pnuemonia and
> hospitalization in 30 days. Her heart is enlarged, she suffers from
> shortness of breath that the docs say is from her heart condition. We
> went through social services and set her up in an apartment because
> she nor I want her to die in my house with my grandchildren. When she
> is released from the hospital , I will go and stay with her in her
> apartment and care for her there. She wants to be home when the time
> comes. She asked me to see to it she does not suffer in death. I
> promised her I would take care of her. I found myself beggining to
> lose my strength this last hospital admittance, I was sure she wasn't
> gonna make it. I have been being treated for depression and anxiety on
> and off since my 20's, I'm 47 now and again I am watching helplessly
> as my younger sister suffers. I don't know what else to do for her
> than care for her until the time comes that I must say goodbye to her
> as well. All the devastating memories of dads struggle, Gayles
> struggle, moms struggle have come back to haunt my sleep. I had my
> medication increased and I am beginning to sleep a little better. I'm
> trying to connect with some people that may also be caretaking for a
> loved one that is dying. My oldest daughter has been in from
> California caretaking for her paternal grandmother who is currently
> going though chemotherapy for a cancerous brain tumor. I am trying to
> help her with her emotions as well. I am proud of her for taking on
> this responsibility, but I know she is suffering. I feel torn between
> supporting my daughter and taking care of my sister. I am feeling I am
> failing my daughter because I am so busy with my sister. I guess thats
> about it , thanks for listening.......
>
> Bev
>


From: Bev on 4 Aug 2008 11:14
Hello Daisy, It's been a while. Thanks for responding to my post, it
helps to know someone is willing to listen. I know I am certainly not
the only one to have or is going through so much for so long. This
time around I am blind sided by my emotions so much. I mean, I have
known for so long the time would come that Dawn (sister) would need me
more and we talked many times about what she needs from me when the
time comes. I find myself to be scared of her death. I thought I was
stronger than this. I was able to stand up and deal with anything my
fathers death and Gayles death meant I'd have to do. They both went
peacefully after being in a comatose state. My sister has been dying
for 20 years for me. I have watched her change both physically and
mentally. The person she has become is very sick and twisted. Her
brain is not right. She can be downright mean. Her nastiness is making
it quite hard to spend time with. I am all she has. She has begged me
in her weakest moments to make sure she does not die a painful death.
I will see to it she does not, no one should have to. Some of the
things my sister has done to me over the years hurt pretty bad, but I
forgive her. I love her way beyond the abuse I must subject myself to
in caring for her. She may get out of the hospital today, if she does,
I will be leaving my family once again as I did for months when our
mother was very ill. I know my family will be ok without me,and this
time i'll only be an hour away and not half way across the map. I will
be able to go home if need be any time. I have no idea how long Dawn
will continue to be well, every pnuemonia feels like it is the end and
she pulls back out and keeps on going thus nicknamed the energizer
bunny. My sister abuses her medication, opiates and benzos. She nods
out with cigarettes and burns things(my just paid for sofa) :-( or
nods out in a plate of food. She can not be left alone. She walks
around in a stupor stealing things (like my gold jewelry) My family
does not understand why I just take the stuff she steals back and
forgive her. She is up all hours of the night crying begging Jesus to
take her. I am trying to round up help so as to have a break on
occasion, there is no way I can do this alone. I have opted to try and
quit smoking with her in hopes to eliminate the fire hazard. Probably
the worst time to try and quit, we both have the patch. I believe she
will want cigarettes as soon as she gets out of the hospital and that
will be the end of that. If so we will be back in the hospital once
more with her heart and lung issues. How do you tell a dying person
they cant smoke? Her attitude is why bother, I can't say different,
she is the one dying. I probably wont talk much more here about this
part of what I am going through. Sometimes I just wish for her to be
out of her misery. I have some guilt issues going on for thinking that
way. I guess I will end this now so I can get ready to head out to the
hospital.

Bev

From: Daisy on 4 Aug 2008 20:45
Bev, you can't have guilt feelings for wanting her out of her pain, in fact
I think that's a purely unselfish act on your part. It hurts to see those
we care about hurting so much. My sister died from cancer 26 years ago and
I watched her lie there in agonizing pain to the point of just wanting her
to go and be free from all the pain she was in. It's not wrong honey, it's
humane and loving. I'm here if you need to talk anytime OK? If I were
closer to you I would help in other ways to help you through this.

--
Daisy
"Bev" <bebelestrnge0721(a)aol.com> wrote in message
news:29006e2b-26ec-4028-a847-07806cff01ad(a)25g2000hsx.googlegroups.com...
> Hello Daisy, It's been a while. Thanks for responding to my post, it
> helps to know someone is willing to listen. I know I am certainly not
> the only one to have or is going through so much for so long. This
> time around I am blind sided by my emotions so much. I mean, I have
> known for so long the time would come that Dawn (sister) would need me
> more and we talked many times about what she needs from me when the
> time comes. I find myself to be scared of her death. I thought I was
> stronger than this. I was able to stand up and deal with anything my
> fathers death and Gayles death meant I'd have to do. They both went
> peacefully after being in a comatose state. My sister has been dying
> for 20 years for me. I have watched her change both physically and
> mentally. The person she has become is very sick and twisted. Her
> brain is not right. She can be downright mean. Her nastiness is making
> it quite hard to spend time with. I am all she has. She has begged me
> in her weakest moments to make sure she does not die a painful death.
> I will see to it she does not, no one should have to. Some of the
> things my sister has done to me over the years hurt pretty bad, but I
> forgive her. I love her way beyond the abuse I must subject myself to
> in caring for her. She may get out of the hospital today, if she does,
> I will be leaving my family once again as I did for months when our
> mother was very ill. I know my family will be ok without me,and this
> time i'll only be an hour away and not half way across the map. I will
> be able to go home if need be any time. I have no idea how long Dawn
> will continue to be well, every pnuemonia feels like it is the end and
> she pulls back out and keeps on going thus nicknamed the energizer
> bunny. My sister abuses her medication, opiates and benzos. She nods
> out with cigarettes and burns things(my just paid for sofa) :-( or
> nods out in a plate of food. She can not be left alone. She walks
> around in a stupor stealing things (like my gold jewelry) My family
> does not understand why I just take the stuff she steals back and
> forgive her. She is up all hours of the night crying begging Jesus to
> take her. I am trying to round up help so as to have a break on
> occasion, there is no way I can do this alone. I have opted to try and
> quit smoking with her in hopes to eliminate the fire hazard. Probably
> the worst time to try and quit, we both have the patch. I believe she
> will want cigarettes as soon as she gets out of the hospital and that
> will be the end of that. If so we will be back in the hospital once
> more with her heart and lung issues. How do you tell a dying person
> they cant smoke? Her attitude is why bother, I can't say different,
> she is the one dying. I probably wont talk much more here about this
> part of what I am going through. Sometimes I just wish for her to be
> out of her misery. I have some guilt issues going on for thinking that
> way. I guess I will end this now so I can get ready to head out to the
> hospital.
>
> Bev
>


From: Bev on 5 Aug 2008 13:16
So sorry to hear that you lost your sister. My sister wants me to
promise that she will not suffer like that. I've promised I would see
to it and there is a plan"A" concerning that. Yesterday turned out as
I expected. She called me shortly after I posted here and told me she
was discharged and ready for me to come get her. Well we waited
another 5 hours and they kept saying to her the discharge is not
complete they were waiting for the admitting doctor . Well.....my
sister started swearing and pacing around gettin angrier by the moment
and said I am out of here and startd to walk out with me behind her
waving at the nurses station to get their attention.We got a good 15
minutes away from the hospital before someone called my cell telling
me she must come back for her oxygen and discharge instructions. I sat
with her for 5 hours and she had no oxygen on the whole time! Anyway
aparently she was supposed to and she took it off before I got there.
Her discharge blood pressure was 165/115 ! and blood sugar was 307
ummm I hate when this happens...I'm not sure if the insurance kicks
her out like this or her behavior when she is in a few days has them
kicking her out. All I know is that those are high readings and they
said she is weaning off of prednisone and those numbers should go
down. Ahhhh I hope so. She is on 2 liters continuous oxygen. I could
not take her back to her place because the A/C is not working yet. So
we are back at my place. I've made phone calls and am waiting for a
return call on the A/C at her place. Meanwhile my younger sister and
her family chose to take a vacation in Galveston and aparently
Edouardo is after them ! I hope they are safe. Oh yea....the stop
smoking plan stopped as soon as she got in the car, and I made sure
there wasnt so much as a butt in the ashtray, first stop she wanted to
make was for cigarettes, asked me if I wanted a pack I said no. I made
it through the night , my third full 24 hours of my quit has been
ended this morning, I had a cigarette with my coffee. I knew this was
not the time.

I can stay away from the black berry brandy but boy the smokes have a
hold on me still. I rather smoke then get sh*t faced anyway, I make
better decisions :-)

Bev




On Aug 4, 8:45�pm, "Daisy" <sweetdaisy67...(a)yahoo.com> wrote:
> Bev, you can't have guilt feelings for wanting her out of her pain, in fact
> I think that's a purely unselfish act on your part. �It hurts to see those
> we care about hurting so much. �My sister died from cancer 26 years ago and
> I watched her lie there in agonizing pain to the point of just wanting her
> to go and be free from all the pain she was in. �It's not wrong honey, it's
> humane and loving. �I'm here if you need to talk anytime OK? �If I were
> closer to you I would help in other ways to help you through this.
>
> --
> Daisy"Bev" <bebelestrnge0...(a)aol.com> wrote in message
>
> news:29006e2b-26ec-4028-a847-07806cff01ad(a)25g2000hsx.googlegroups.com...
>
>
>
> > Hello Daisy, It's been a while. Thanks for responding to my post, it
> > helps to know someone is willing to listen. I know I am certainly not
> > the only one to have or is going through so much for so long. This
> > time around I am blind sided by my emotions so much. I mean, I have
> > known for so long the time would come that Dawn (sister) would need me
> > more and we talked many times about what she needs from me when the
> > time comes. I find myself to be scared of her death. I thought I was
> > stronger than this. I was able to stand up and deal with anything my
> > fathers death and Gayles death meant I'd have to do. They both went
> > peacefully after being in a comatose state. My sister has been dying
> > for 20 years for me. I have watched her change both physically and
> > mentally. The person she has become is very sick and twisted. Her
> > brain is not right. She can be downright mean. Her nastiness is making
> > it quite hard to spend time with. I am all she has. She has begged me
> > in her weakest moments to make sure she does not die a painful death.
> > I will see to it she does not, no one should have to. Some of the
> > things my sister has done to me over the years hurt pretty bad, but I
> > forgive her. I love her way beyond the abuse I must subject myself to
> > in caring for her. She may get out of the hospital today, if she does,
> > I will be leaving my family once again as I did for months when our
> > mother was very ill. I know my family will be ok without me,and this
> > time i'll only be an hour away and not half way across the map. I will
> > be able to go home if need be any time. I have no idea how long Dawn
> > will continue to be well, every pnuemonia feels like it is the end and
> > she pulls back out and keeps on going thus nicknamed the energizer
> > bunny. My sister abuses her medication, opiates and benzos. She nods
> > out with cigarettes and burns things(my just paid for sofa) :-( or
> > nods out in a plate of food. She can not be left alone. She walks
> > around in a stupor stealing things (like my gold jewelry) My family
> > does not understand why I just take the stuff she steals back and
> > forgive her. She is up all hours of the night crying begging Jesus to
> > take her. I am trying to round up help so as to have a break on
> > occasion, there is no way I can do this alone. I have opted to try and
> > quit smoking with her in hopes to eliminate the fire hazard. Probably
> > the worst time to try and quit, we both have the patch. I believe she
> > will want cigarettes as soon as she gets out of the hospital and that
> > will be the end of that. If so we will be back in the hospital once
> > more with her heart and lung issues. How do you tell a dying person
> > they cant smoke? Her attitude is why bother, I can't say different,
> > she is the one dying. I probably wont talk much more here about this
> > part of what I am going through. Sometimes I just wish for her to be
> > out of her misery. I have some guilt issues going on for thinking that
> > way. I guess I will end this now so I can get ready to head out to the
> > hospital.
>
> > Bev- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

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