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From: Kay on 9 Mar 2007 08:32
I haven't written for a while but I have been reading everyone's posts. I
have meant to post but I just cant manage to type the words. Wednesday was
four months since we lost my grandmother. When we lost gran I think in some
ways I was doing better than I am now. My sister had to return to work
first so then mum and I were at home following each other around like
zombies. None of us have been able to do the simplest every day task like
picking the roses or watching a DVD cause that's what we did for gran. Mum
retired last June early to help me look after gran. Mums really glad that
she had the months at home with gran before she died.

We were all living together in a 3 generation household. When due to health
reasons I was no longer able to work at 28 years of age I said id stay home
with gran and that meant mum could keep working if she wanted to and that
arrangement wouldn't work for all families I know but it suited us.

Last weekend I went to a family members 60th birthday and during the
speeches when the birthday person was talking they said how wonderful it was
to have all our family together. I felt like saying open your eyes you
might have your family but we don't have ours. Mums friends have been
wonderful and our family have been very sympathetic to her. My sister and I
the family see it as we are the grandchildren even though gran was our other
parent. That upsets me and I feel angry that no one can see what the three
of us are going through. it didn't all end when we buried gran.

I know my sister and I cant really talk about how we feel with mum because
all she's capable of doing is reading a book or doing the washing. Each
time something needs to be done in relation to a bill etc mums standard
answer is "ill deal with it later". I ended up being the one that fixed
grans last bills and cancelled the Medicare card etc otherwise it just wont
get done. Mum still hasn't started dealing with the probate of her estate.
First we got told she didn't know what to do so when I got the kit etc sent
out, the response is ill deal with it later. I know she's going through
hell. Mums lived with gran for 63 years and had her with her for all but 2
months of that time and now she's got to do it without her.

Part of me wanted to tell everyone to go jump and exactly how much there
actions are hurting us but I know that would be more trouble than its worth
and mum doesn't want a fuss.

Mum started back at work this Monday gone so now its just me and the dog.
Cant ever remember it being like that. I can feel myself becoming more
unstuck than before.

Mum, my sister and I are going on a overseas trip for 4 weeks in April and
the three of us used the organising as a bit of a distraction. Now that its
just me and the dog I am not really sure what my purpose is now. My cousins
are all keeping to themselves themselves. When they need something or
someone ill be the first they call. Don't really understand why they cant
be there for me to.

I've rambled long enough. I hope everyone is having a not so painful day.
Kay



From: Daisy on 9 Mar 2007 08:44
Kay wrote:
> I haven't written for a while but I have been reading everyone's posts. I
> have meant to post but I just cant manage to type the words. Wednesday was
> four months since we lost my grandmother. When we lost gran I think in some
> ways I was doing better than I am now. My sister had to return to work
> first so then mum and I were at home following each other around like
> zombies. None of us have been able to do the simplest every day task like
> picking the roses or watching a DVD cause that's what we did for gran. Mum
> retired last June early to help me look after gran. Mums really glad that
> she had the months at home with gran before she died.
>
> We were all living together in a 3 generation household. When due to health
> reasons I was no longer able to work at 28 years of age I said id stay home
> with gran and that meant mum could keep working if she wanted to and that
> arrangement wouldn't work for all families I know but it suited us.
>
> Last weekend I went to a family members 60th birthday and during the
> speeches when the birthday person was talking they said how wonderful it was
> to have all our family together. I felt like saying open your eyes you
> might have your family but we don't have ours. Mums friends have been
> wonderful and our family have been very sympathetic to her. My sister and I
> the family see it as we are the grandchildren even though gran was our other
> parent. That upsets me and I feel angry that no one can see what the three
> of us are going through. it didn't all end when we buried gran.
>
> I know my sister and I cant really talk about how we feel with mum because
> all she's capable of doing is reading a book or doing the washing. Each
> time something needs to be done in relation to a bill etc mums standard
> answer is "ill deal with it later". I ended up being the one that fixed
> grans last bills and cancelled the Medicare card etc otherwise it just wont
> get done. Mum still hasn't started dealing with the probate of her estate.
> First we got told she didn't know what to do so when I got the kit etc sent
> out, the response is ill deal with it later. I know she's going through
> hell. Mums lived with gran for 63 years and had her with her for all but 2
> months of that time and now she's got to do it without her.
>
> Part of me wanted to tell everyone to go jump and exactly how much there
> actions are hurting us but I know that would be more trouble than its worth
> and mum doesn't want a fuss.
>
> Mum started back at work this Monday gone so now its just me and the dog.
> Cant ever remember it being like that. I can feel myself becoming more
> unstuck than before.
>
> Mum, my sister and I are going on a overseas trip for 4 weeks in April and
> the three of us used the organising as a bit of a distraction. Now that its
> just me and the dog I am not really sure what my purpose is now. My cousins
> are all keeping to themselves themselves. When they need something or
> someone ill be the first they call. Don't really understand why they cant
> be there for me to.
>
> I've rambled long enough. I hope everyone is having a not so painful day.
> Kay
>
>
>

Sweetheart four months is just the starting point, you were numb those
first few and that's why you are feeling such intense pain now. Have
you and your family considered any kind of counseling to deal with the
suffering? Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't, counseling really
didn't help me much, time was the only thing that got me through my sons
death but it's an everyday ordeal. Enjoy your trip you know it's what
your grandmother would of wanted and you know she WILL be there with you
as well. Keep writing, it helps so much since everyone here understands
what you are going through, most of all take care of yourself, talk with
your mum, perhaps that's what she needs right now too. (((hugs)))

Daisy
Busters Mom
From: Kay on 10 Mar 2007 10:02
Thank you Daisy i tried talking to mum today when we were on our own. I
just got "i dont want to talk about this right now im going to read my
book". I have thought about councelling although i went a few years ago
regarding my health problems and it didnt really help. I keep a journal
and i feel that helps a little. I know gran would want us to go on the
holiday. She loved travelling when she had the chance even if it was only a
weekend away somewhere. Thank you so much for your support.

Take care
Kay


"> Sweetheart four months is just the starting point, you were numb those
> first few and that's why you are feeling such intense pain now. Have you
> and your family considered any kind of counseling to deal with the
> suffering? Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't, counseling really
> didn't help me much, time was the only thing that got me through my sons
> death but it's an everyday ordeal. Enjoy your trip you know it's what
> your grandmother would of wanted and you know she WILL be there with you
> as well. Keep writing, it helps so much since everyone here understands
> what you are going through, most of all take care of yourself, talk with
> your mum, perhaps that's what she needs right now too. (((hugs)))
>
> Daisy
> Busters Mom


From: Daisy on 10 Mar 2007 10:18
Kay wrote:
> Thank you Daisy i tried talking to mum today when we were on our own. I
> just got "i dont want to talk about this right now im going to read my
> book". I have thought about councelling although i went a few years ago
> regarding my health problems and it didnt really help. I keep a journal
> and i feel that helps a little. I know gran would want us to go on the
> holiday. She loved travelling when she had the chance even if it was only a
> weekend away somewhere. Thank you so much for your support.
>
> Take care
> Kay
>
>
> "> Sweetheart four months is just the starting point, you were numb those
>
>>first few and that's why you are feeling such intense pain now. Have you
>>and your family considered any kind of counseling to deal with the
>>suffering? Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't, counseling really
>>didn't help me much, time was the only thing that got me through my sons
>>death but it's an everyday ordeal. Enjoy your trip you know it's what
>>your grandmother would of wanted and you know she WILL be there with you
>>as well. Keep writing, it helps so much since everyone here understands
>>what you are going through, most of all take care of yourself, talk with
>>your mum, perhaps that's what she needs right now too. (((hugs)))
>>
>>Daisy
>>Busters Mom
>
>
>
I was going to mention journaling, I had over 30 of them about 7 years
after my son passed on. I finally got up the courage to burn them, it
was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I kept his first
journal since it had his handwriting on the pages. Take one day at a
time sweetie, you'll make it. ((hugs))

Daisy
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